Young Writers Society

first off, wow. that was intense for me it was harmonies. you provide a powerful easily know symbol that most people see everyday and have known all there lives and make you think, and think hard. I've never read something that made me just sit outside for an hour and stair at the sun and the clouds. you understand pretty quickly what's kind of going on to the point it makes you want more. it makes you crave for it, you hear such fluent descriptions that tell you a lot. this sounds like something id enjoy fiercely as a full fledge book. id probably spend days maybe hours trying to find out is going to happen. please continue this.

I'd like to blame you for me forgetting to study for my chemistry test, because I spent the rest of this evening thinking about the sun.

And I think that's what a short story should do when you're reading it; make you think about all its elements, and the message beneath them. I enjoyed the idea of it--the blind leading the blind, let's say. A relationship like a basin, collecting the rain, then quickly drying in the sunlight.

I'm sure you didn't understand that, because I certainly don't. Moving on from drabbles.

While I did like the work (which is my general reaction to everything and anything that makes me stare at my desk in quiet introspection) I did feel it broke off from the main point in the middle, when you started describing the protagonist as s/he stood up and looked around. If it was made clear in the beginning that we weren't reading a collection of thoughts, I think it'd be better, but that on its own was more or less a nitpick. Leave it, take it, depends entirely on what you want.

And also, let's take that clinician and patient metaphor. Since we know the situation, you could've easily said "Our emotional bond was that of a clinician and their client" or "Our emotional bond was that of a clinician and her client" (assuming the protagonist is a girl).

The good in this shines through, despite my tiny nitpicks. As I said, if I fail my chemistry test it's on you, but I do think it was worth it. I enjoyed my time thinking about the simplicity of our sun, and the complexity of the people she brought life to. It was very good. Hopefully you could edit out the possible kinks, but even if you didn't you've taken my time already. Good job!