ANOTHER NEW SONG
SONG NAME----> WORLD OF HATE
SONG ARTIST ----> TAYLOR AKA blueraven2239 and my brother TYLER
mess with us no need to make a fuss
leave the rest to us we'll leave you in the dust
take the hit with us baby I'm fuckin nutz
sleep until you'r fed but all I see is red
and we'll rest when we'r dead
cause all I've ever said just gets lost in the spread
and this dread is where I'll lay my head
this world is crashing down all around as I drown
but I found some solid ground this blood is like a flood
the way it turns to mud now all my bullets are dudz
now all I wanna do is watch this world split in two
an there's nuthin I can do but I wish the best for you
I'm this breeze and nobody see's that I'm on my knee's
that's alright I don't care anymore
cause I'm lost in this war full of slammin doors
I told you once before I can't take this anymore
since the day I was born here's the floor here's the door
and here's where I'll adorn what's been torn
all I see is blood and skull's
broken bones and tool's political fool's
who give us their rule's
well guess what rule's are meant to be broken
they've spoken while their choken are you
fuckin jokein what is this world we're liven
people be throwin tantrums are you fucking kiddin
people are dien are you fucking blind you must be out of you'r damn mind
this shit is a crime
we cheat and deceive take and receive
but we'r taken to much can't you see
we'r repeaten history talk about war world 3
we aint fucking free we'r drowning in a sea of political fee's
liven in cage's like these this shit is a
now all I wanna do is watch this world split in two
an there's nuthin I can do but I wish the best for you
kids get shot up on the block suicide and shock
wheres the doc tickity tic tok goes the clock
stuck in the flock behind a lock
well that's just great they say as girl's get raped
they got problems with you'r race
but they can't say it to you'r face
this world is a disgrace
I can't wait to leave this place
before I go insane ;p
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139,816 Literary Works • 672,772 Reviews
I think this is a great song because of the message. I also think that the grammatical errors are taking away from that. Another point is that the lines aren't separated the way it seems to be separated in the song. You say,
"mess with us no need to make a fuss
leave the rest to us we'll leave you in the dust
take the hit with us baby I'm fuckin nutz."
Personally, I would write it as,
"Mess with us.
No need to make a fuss.
Leave the rest to us.
We'll leave you in the dust.
Take the hit with us.
Baby, I'm fucking nuts."
I'm not sure if you intended for them to be separate lines so if you did, then ignore me. This is just how I interpreted the song.
I also don't really care for the face at the end, but if you like it there, again ignore all of this.
The sentence "liven in cage's like these this shit is a" doesn't make sense. I think you may have just forgotten a word.
I agree with the other review in saying that you already know a lot about grammar and you intentionally misspelled words and didn't capitalize, but I think it would make the song seem a lot more serious. When you do things like "knee's" and don't mean whatever the knees are possessing, it makes readers lose interest. Some people won't read things with bad grammar and most people won't take things with bad grammar very seriously.
All in all I think this is a great song. You did a very good job in describing the "World of Hate." I think it is very important to understand that this whole review is just my personal opinion and if you do not want to listen to a single word, no one is making you. I am just trying to offer a reader's opinion. Grammar and spelling don't matter that much in a song because songs are made to be listened to and not read. Great job. I love the message. You portrayed your feelings (and the truth) really well.
It's Soulful here for a review and personal opinion.
Review first since personal opinion will be a little long: I saw no errors even though it is a song or whatnot. End of review. Sorry kind of not good with reviews, but I am still learning. Oh, I don't think you need an apostrophe in girl so just ----> girls instead of girl's. Of course, apostrophe is showing possession I won't bore you with that because I am sure you already know.
Personal Opinion: The world itself isn't the problem, it's the people that's in it and their corrupt ways of telling us what's right and what's wrong. I feel as though some of them have the whole thing mixed and saying what's actually wrong is right like 'well that's just great they say as girls get raped.' They need to be punched in their mouth or something. Anyway, the people in this world as we know it I believe are sometimes driven by the wrong things and aren't really focused on what needs to change or be done to change things. But, you got some people who feel the world is fine the way it is, I pity their naive minds.
That's it. Keep on writing the right way.
thank you i rlly love this review/personal oppinion lol.
Welcome.