SONG NAME--->Only One
SONG ARTIST--->Taylor aka blueraven2239
its dark and its cold
as another sleepless night goes by
I think about you all the time
day or night rain and shine
I'm going nut's here
I just want you'r attention
I'm waiting for you to see..
that I am the only one
to break down you'r wall's
hold you when you cry
hug you when you'r hurt
pick you up when you fall down
oh please please
stop pushing me away
please don't leave me alone
these days grow darker
the bruises come sooner
this pain I'm immune
it feels good against my skin
I'm scared i wont make it much farther
hold my hand and breath life back into
this lifeless body
and promise me you see through the lies and pain
I'm waiting for you to see..
that I am the only one
to break down you'r wall's
hold you when you cry
hug you when you'r hurt
pick you up when you fall down
oh please please
stop pushing me away
please don't leave me alone
I hate the way this feels
as his cold hands stroke my face
the days are dark when you'r not around
I miss you all the time
I wish that you would
pick me up and make me stay
I'm just trying to keep myself alive
you told me that you loved me
and I that you would save me
cause I'm two step from the edge
you understand me and can hurt me just as easily
my worlds about to break
I've had all that I can take
that I am the only one
to break down you'r wall's
hold you when you cry
hug you when you'r hurt
pick you up when you fall down
oh please please
stop pushing me away
please don't leave me alone
come and rescue me
please save me from myself
come rescue me
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139,345 Literary Works • 672,539 Reviews
Hello! It's been a while since I reviewed a song so I figured I'd check this out.
It should be 'nuts' without the apostrophe but I also think this line could be more interesting. That phrase has been said so much it has lost any real meaning and there are much more creative routes to take. You could have something vague like 'I'm falling through black holes/ without a spaceship' or something more concrete like 'I'm losing pieces of my mind to this affliction'.Specifics
1. Before I start reading, my first observation is that you haven't broken it down into verses and chorus which makes it harder to read. Having that kind of layout will make it look more like a song and instead of writing the chorus out multiple times, you can even just type 'Chorus' as long as you've made it clear earlier where the chorus starts and ends, though I know some songs vary the chorus slightly.
2. I think some of the lines are a little over-used. Like this one:
3. 'you'r' should be 'your' except the third time when it should be you're.
4. Again, some of the actions are a little over used - pick you up, hug you, break down walls etc. It's okay to have some familiar images in lyrics ad in fact encouraged but you need things which are new and unique as well or the song won't stand out.
5. Who is 'he' - we've not been introduced to a third party yet so this feels like it comes out of nowhere. Is this a guy she turns to when she's weak and missing her lover? I think we need more information about that.
6. You're missing a word here, it should be I thought or I believed.
Overall
I like that the song seems to balance between both the main characters being the rescue the other needs and I like the progression from offering to save him to then asking to be saved in return. I think the word choice could be more interesting and at the moment the plot isn't one hundred percent clear, though the singer does seem to be cheating on the man she's trying to get back with? I'm not sure but making that more obvious would be good!
Hope this give you a few things to think about and thanks for the read,
~Heather
OMG thank you that will help me greatly in my writing of other songs as well. I will also reveiw this song a bit more and fix it up when I the time i rlly apreciate this thank you.
No problem!
to break down you'r wall's
hold you when you cry
hug you when you'r hurt
It is better this way :
to break down your walls
hold you when you cry
hug you when you're hurt
Honestly,this is really good and I feel the sadness and the feelings in this work.It sounds like it is written and taken from the depth of your heart.It is really well written.Maybe the punctuation just made me think it will not worth it.
Over all only this small grammar mistakes.
Keep on writing!
thank you and I will make sure my grammar is better it's not my greatest strong point.
You are always welcome!