Water is one of our basic needs,
We would die without it,
Because it helps the body,
To function properly.
At times it's very friendly,
Other times it's our enemy,
But keep it in mind daily,
That we should save it.
Hello.Props to you for an opinion piece. It can be pretty hard to get those out there.My main comment with this is how generic it is. Good message, important message, something I've heard a lot before. It's the basics of the water conservation argument, but it's not much more than that.Reach beyond the stuff on the surface. What is something concrete we can hold onto? Maybe add some contrast— what is dryness like? The agony of not having water could make this piece more vivid, because right now there's a lack of tension. There's a lack of reason to read, to really believe what being said.The formatting is on the basic side, as well. There's nothing wrong with punctuation at the end of every sentence, but it's not mandatory for poetry. This article goes into more detail about how to punctuate poetry, and I'd suggest looking at it for this piece to mix it up. It would help the feelings overall, that everything had a purpose.All in all, this is short and sweet but fluffy and forgettable. Reach beyond the basics about the necessity of water to give readers something they can sink their teeth into. Use the first thoughts as a base, but keep going deeper and deeper into them until you get something that has your voice to it. Hope this helps. Let me know if you have any questions or comments.~Rosey
This is Kaos here for a review!My main problem with this poem is that it was really basic all around. There aren't /any/ details here that go into more depth, a lot of the stuff here is just bluntly stated without having anything more to it. This is a stick figure of a poem. It's a skeleton of a poem, the imagery is the flesh, and you have none here.
Water is one of our basic needs,We would die without it,Because it helps the body,To function properly.
At times it's very friendly,Other times it's our enemy,But keep it in mind daily,That we should save it.
Hello! Ely here with a review.I haven't done a review in quite a while, so bear with me.First off, this is just borderline grocery list writing. It's like facts that everyone knows. You need lots and lots of details to really make this work.My suggestion is to make your topic a metaphor. If it's a metaphor, then the reader will think about it and they will go into their own interpretation about it. To achieve that, jam pack it with detain and make a connection to whatever you please.I would definitely expand your vocabulary because these words are basic. Use imaginative words, make it interesting as possible.Do as much as you can to improve of this. You already have your topic, you just need to build off of it. This is basic grocery list writing. You don't want that in any literary work, especially a poem, and they can be a bit tough to avoid.Also, when redrafting, avoid facts, because we all know that we need water to live. Obviously. Ask yourself the question, "Is there more to water than what is the obvious?" Just play around with it and see where you get.
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