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125,021 Literary Works • 672,742 Reviews
Hi mel,
It's been a little bit since I last reviewed poetry, so I apologize in advance if this review is a little rough. But this poem really resonated with me, so I wanted to try my hand at reviewing.
The first thing that stuck out at me was how there was almost a rhyming scheme to the very first stanza. They're not true rhymes, but they added momentum to your poem. It was part of what kept me reading it. I also love how you tied together the images of the flowers and the moon on the side of the poem with its actual contents; the imagery of only having thorns left really stands out.
Another piece of imagery that I really love is this part:
You took a common idiom (the apple doesn't fall from the tree) and used it in a way that was both familiar and new. Plus, the idea of rot suggests that cruelty is more nurture than nature--it's not something inherent. The contradiction of that line with the title implying that nature is actually responsible makes your poem especially memorable.
It's hard to come up with possible ways you could improve this piece, but it might be cool to carry on that almost-rhyme scheme through the poem. Another way you might be able to explore the theme is by listing specific instances of kindness vs. cruelty instead of this part:
But that part also gives the speaker conviction, so it's really up to you if you want to keep it in or expand on it more!
I hope my review is helpful! Let me know if there's anything I need to clarify in it. But, overall, I really enjoyed reading your poetry! I hope I can read more of your poems in the future.
thank you for the review!! <3
You're welcome!
Love this! Seriously, awesome work!
thank you!
Hi there, mordax here for a review!
". I am particularly attached to the line "the sun and time will make sure to leave me calcified". It flows so well and I am so jealous of your poetic talent!!
So to start off, I loved this poem. The title already hooked me in and that first stanza... omg, absolutely amazing. I am being completely honest when I tell you my brows rose and I was like "okayyyy
I have very few critiques, but here they are:
The line:
I don't know why, but this didn't flow as well as the rest of the poem. Maybe reword it to something like "i have never been and never wish to be a rose". Then again, that's just my preference, so if you meant it worded this way for emphasis then ignore me.
Also, I found the phrase "torn-up thorns" to be interesting, for thorns are rarely described as being torn-up rather than causing the tearing. Was this intentional, and if so, I think it is really impactful, this idea that the weapon of "cruelty" can be just as wounded.
Overall, I found this poem beautiful. I relate to it on a parallel plane, this idea of trying to be so different from your family yet finding it difficult to be. In my experience, it is the trying that truly separates us from our forebears.
Beautiful work and wonderful imagery and word choice!!
mordax
thank you for your review!! <3