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What I'm looking for in a girl

by beccalicious94


I'm looking for a reader, someone who grew up with books as her friend. Her coming-of-age story coinciding with those inked narratives. Plot builds character.

She's available. Her heart beats, and she'll let me hear it on her chest. With every beat, a glimpse of humanity. They say, the strongest cities are those without walls.

I'm looking for someone who's curious. She'll ask me to run away with her, and she'll still want to kiss me when we return from our adventure. We’ll study methods of travel--together on land, on sea, on sky. And our glances will have their own language. We’ll make our own alphabet, we’ll form our own words and sentences and paragraphs with only our eyes.

She's honest. She's smoothed out her broken shards and turned them into mosaics. She applies lotion to her own scars.

I'm looking for someone to laugh at my jokes. They're dark and horrible and true and amazing. We'll be inappropriate together behind closed doors.

She'll be beautiful. Not in a way that turns heads on the street, but in a muted way. I will fall in love with when she looks down in shyness and nevertheless feels comfortable telling me what she's thinking. She will let me tell her how beautiful I find her, as I give her and make her feel all the things she deserves. She will be at a place where she's able to accept.

I'm looking for someone who will like me because of and not in spite of my weirdness. She will think my ability to come up with the perfect metaphor for every situation is adorable, and will find my random trivia irresistible. She'll be blown away by my knowledge of current events, and will be torn between wanting to show me off and keep me to herself.

She will ask me to dance in the darkness with her. We will build a house in the woods away from everyone. We’ll make fires, and nourish ourselves, and be satiated, and we will say grace. 


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Tue Jun 27, 2017 11:58 pm
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ExOmelas wrote a review...



Hey there, welcome to my last review of the night in a desperate attempt to cling onto my spot at the top of the day's leaderboard :P

As a prose piece, the language in this is brilliant. You use sentence pacing and paragraph pacing well. You also use lots of ... not necessarily imagery, but quick images that spring from one or two words that make this bring lots of, well, images to my mind and therefore make it more powerful and engaging than just a list.

As for the content, that sounds like a really lovely person. I think you have highlighted really important aspects in a person, especially how she acts towards you, which is important to make sure you don't reduce this person to a remote idol.

On the subject of that though, the emotive language makes this sound like a really epic, picturesque story of life. That can be a little dangerous to apply to real life. As long as you keep in mind that this is your ideal girl, and don't hold everyone to these expectations, you should be alright. This person is pretty much flawless, and there are no flawless people in the world, probably. I'd be very frightened if I couldn't find at least one flaw in somebody.

You know the whole manic-pixie-dream-girl thing? Where guys call girls sluts and whores when they don't exactly as the awesome romantic leads in teenage rom coms do? Be very very careful that this piece doesn't lead to you doing that. That's so harmful to a) an individual girl who is attacked (verbally or even physically (remember Elliott Rodgers?)) for not meeting these standards and b) women in general, who continue to feel pressure to conform to societal standards.

I highly highly doubt that you are going to write-off any girl who doesn't live up to that, but just be really really careful that you don't perpetuate the attitude of people who do.

I know this has all sounded really harsh but it's perfectly likely that I'm overreacting and I did really enjoy reading this piece. Better safe than sorry, y'know :P

Biscuits :)




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Sat Jun 24, 2017 10:57 pm
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nidkits wrote a review...



Hello beccalicios94,
I remember I reviewed you a while ago and I really like your work. I think I like this one is better though. :) I like how you show a lot of grace and beauty in all your pieces and this one really pops with the effect. I just absolutely adore it! The one thing that really put me down is the way you said "I'm looking for someone who would like me because of and not in spite of my weirdness" because that sentence didn't exactly flow with your work. I understand that you want to get your point out but at the same time you need to let it flow. The ending just finishes it off your and it ended the way I would have expected to end so great work!! I would really recommed that you keep reading whatever type of literature you enjoy so that you can improve writing in the future. Keep Writing!




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Thu Jun 22, 2017 10:03 pm
DrLavender wrote a review...



Hi there! Here to do a quick review for you. Before I begin, I have to say I did enjoy the content in this. It was creative, original, and even relatable to a degree. With that said, let's jump on in!

I'm looking for a reader, someone who grew up with books as her friend. Her coming-of-age story coinciding with those inked narratives. Plot builds character.


You've already got me hooked on this. Probably since we're all on a writing site anyway and being readers is what we do best (aside from writing I suppose), so you've already managed to capture my attention. Great intro!

She's available. Her heart beats, and she'll let me hear it on her chest. With every beat, a glimpse of humanity. They say, the strongest cities are those without walls.


When you say she's available, I presume you mean she's single and therefore not currently in a relationship? Additionally, I would emit the comma in "They say,". I think it just flows a bit easier without that brief pause.

I'm looking for someone who's curious. She'll ask me to run away with her, and she'll still want to kiss me when we return from our adventure. We’ll study methods of travel--together on land, on sea, on sky. And our glances will have their own language. We’ll make our own alphabet, we’ll form our own words and sentences and paragraphs with only our eyes.


Ooooo, really good use of parallelism in here. My only remark is in the last sentence...I recommend considering "we'll form our own words, sentences, and paragraphs with only our eyes". I can see what you're trying to do with the repetitive use of "and", and it works, but I feel it could flow a bit easier.

She's honest. She's smoothed out her broken shards and turned them into mosaics. She applies lotion to her own scars.


I would consider consulting a thesaurus and try to find a better fit for "smoothed". It sounds a bit awkward in here from my perspective.

I'm looking for someone to laugh at my jokes. They're dark and horrible and true and amazing. We'll be inappropriate together behind closed doors.


No remarks here. Pretty good!

She'll be beautiful. Not in a way that turns heads on the street, but in a muted way. I will fall in love with when she looks down in shyness and nevertheless feels comfortable telling me what she's thinking. She will let me tell her how beautiful I find her, as I give her and make her feel all the things she deserves. She will be at a place where she's able to accept.


This is probably my favorite part in the entire piece. Very well developed, personable, and nicely composed. 10/10.

I'm looking for someone who will like me because of and not in spite of my weirdness. She will think my ability to come up with the perfect metaphor for every situation is adorable, and will find my random trivia irresistible. She'll be blown away by my knowledge of current events, and will be torn between wanting to show me off and keep me to herself.


Again, nicely composed.

She will ask me to dance in the darkness with her. We will build a house in the woods away from everyone. We’ll make fires, and nourish ourselves, and be satiated, and we will say grace.


Good ending! Nice use of "satiated", always good to see obscure words here and there. I do feel your last line could be a bit more memorable. Perhaps consider reusing the structure of your first line, where you started with "I'm looking for a reader". Maybe consider ending it with "I'm looking for a (insert something here)"? I feel that could be a bit more dramatic, but overall, nicely done.

This was a good piece. I'll follow you and hope to see many more.






Thanks so much for your review! :D



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Tue Jun 20, 2017 2:07 am
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gxldencrxwns says...



"She's honest. She's smoothed out her broken shards and turned them into mosaics. She applies lotion to her own scars."

I honestly can relate to this so much, because I have cutting scars and I'm proud of them.

But everything else I can relate to very much, personality wise, but I'm sure a guy would look for looks as well, and um... I'm not the best looking.

But, I hope you find the right girl for you!




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Mon Jun 19, 2017 9:15 pm
RubyRed wrote a review...



This is really rare to find on this site. I don't think people really bare their preferences to the world of internet strangers. I have done this once, however, so I'm guilty of this. Haha

Anyways, I feel like I relate to some of these things especially the last sentence.

I'm looking for someone who will like me because of and not in spite of my weirdness.


This is so relatable. Hope you find the girl you're looking for!

~Ruby




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Sun Jun 18, 2017 8:37 am
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Well now... Interesting. Very interesting. What's so interesting? Allow me to elaborate.

Those are some very reasonable desires, an ideal I'm sure many of us hold dear, but I fear that such ideals seldom exist in the real world, and those rare occurrences are more often than not out of our reach.

You mention your own oddities and strange traits, your random trivia and desire to be loved for yourself, and not superficial features that will deteriorate with time. I could not relate more. You speak my mind. As a rambler with certain pedagogical skills, I'm not very appreciated in the world. But someone, someday, may yet come, who can be fond of such traits. Nonetheless, I'm sure we both have doubts in that regard.

I also wish for a companion of your description, with only a few differences (I'm not too fond of living in the middle of nowhere, for example), and it too pains me that it will likely never become a reality. It is a dream, the remnant of a dying star, dim and cold, as many secret wishes and desires tend to be. I, like you, do not desire objective beauty, only quiet, unpronounced forms of it often overlooked by most.

I'd just mention... Whoever said that the strongest cities have no walls is clearly a very poor strategist in heart and soul, unless the city has a moat, in which case, it's still an acceptable alternative. Just a little joke among the melancholic ramblings. I know it's just a metaphor.

Anyway, I wish luck to both of us, to you and me, and all those in positions similar to ours. It might work out eventually.






Thanks! I'm keep the faith :)





*keeping





As you should, brother.

We succeed, or we die fighting like wolves. Life has given us bad cards, and I say we shove them up life's... Well, you get the point. Keep fighting the odds.



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Charm says...



the strongest cities are those without walls
wow this is like so me like wow it describes me so well wow





Follow your passion, stay true to yourself, never follow someone else’s path unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path then by all means you should follow that.
— Ellen Degeneres