Warning: This work has been rated 16+.
The Commentator and the Observer
"Fish are friends not food"
I thought I was the only one
"My wanted distraction"
Coquettishly joking about not being coquettish
"Who is he? Do I have to beat him up?"
He's the guy I was talking about
"I'll be right back"
And he saved the day
"The Bible means..."
You are my religious views I view religiously
"I'll see you soon"
You came at just the right time
"This is the most beautiful view in the city"
Second.
"I want to climb the bridge with you"
And every other one on the way?
"I liked your post"
Is there a like you button and when will you press it?
Young Love
I'm a solitaire kind of girl
I showed you my deck
And now you think that
suddenly chess is in the cards
It takes two to tango
What do you do when your partner
Has two left feet
Awkward motions around the dance floor
Novelty is in
Our opinions on change are the same
Let's avoid entropy while we can
Why are you so cute
To break or be broken
I don't know which is worse
I suppose I should say the former
I'm in love with the idea of you
Dear Romeo: stay blissfully unaware
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Canary word: Present
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,781 Reviews
Hey there!
Apple Dumpling Gang here for a review.
Double whopper!
The first was amusing, a tad sweet, and the second was sad
I liked the first's concept, and how you started off from a quote from one of my most favorite disney movies (If that was intentional)
The poem is fresh, and has a depth to it you wouldn't normally see. I'm a stickler for formatting, so I suggest you try to segregate the observer with italics. Persoal preferance, but it can add some more strength to the divide.
It's still rather sweet. From both these poems I feel as though you like someone from afar (but maybe you're just assuming that persona)
In the first poem, I liked the lines
The emotions of the persona are really strong here, and the admiration really comes through. Since I believe the most rewarding thing a poem can do is to inspire emotion, I really like this bit.
Good Job! As for the second, I don't like it as much as there are a lot of descriptions, but no apt imagery that really makes it stand out for itself. Your cautious hesitance in confronting him is apparent, but you need to build on that emotion a little more.
That's my 5 cents worth, and all the best with this!
Keep Writing~
-Binder
Ok, two poems in one page, nice,2 in 1 or get 1 free with other.
Anyways you are providing more content for one to read and enjoy, nice buddy.
The first poem is quite funny and hilarious as fish is quoted to be friends and not food.How come? Seafoods are very popular.
It then took a romantic turn,wow!!!
The second one seems to be sensible piece of poetry,ending with a wish that romeo be blissfully unaware. Ok, lots of fun and lots of excitement.
I read most of the poetry with a light hearted mood and do not go too deep into literary technicalities.
Keep on writing poems like this. Be motivated highly and inspired much.
Never keep your pen down.
Now you posted 2 poems in one page, hopefully , one day you will post 20-30 poems in one page.
Wish you all the very best.
Keep writing and most importantly, keep reading.