Stormy Skies

Ren stepped out into the rain and looked up into the sky. The downpour stung their eyes, but they didn’t care. They could use the water to hide their tears, maybe, but nobody would believe them. With a blotchy red face and a running nose, even the least observant person could tell something was wrong. So Ren decided to forget about everything and just cry. The little grey front porch creaked as they sobbed. The sun wouldn’t come out any time soon, but that was the least of their concern. Maybe it wouldn’t come out at all. Ren couldn’t seem to look that far ahead.

Ren stepped inside the small house. The house seemed empty, even though the TV and radio were on to fill the silence. Just looking at their group photos hung in the hallway was painful. It wasn’t like it used to be. The whole house was a pair of lungs with all the air knocked out. A hollow ping on their phone echoed throughout the house. Ren dragged their feet on their way to check it. It read:

Samantha: hey u good?

Samantha: Do you want me to come over and talk? We all miss u at school

Samantha: are u there Ren

Samantha: I bought cinnamon rolls and a milkshake if u want them

Samantha: I'm coming over, leave the door unlocked 

Samantha: i’m here

The doorbell chimed and the door creaked open. Samantha’s familiar footsteps padded through the myriad of woven carpets. She gently opened Ren’s bedroom door. It smelled like old coffee, dirty laundry, and grief. The room was a mess, so unlike the usual immaculate organization. Ren was wrapped in all their blankets, immobile and silent. They were lying on the floor in a fetal position, trying not to speak. If they did, they wouldn’t be able to stop crying. Samantha sat down next to them, moving the pillow, then sat down the milkshake and cinnamon rolls.

“Are you ok? Actually no, that’s a stupid question. You’re not ok and neither am I,” she said, voice trembling.

“It’s just so strange and awful. Jon-Jonathan is actually gone. It’s not a dream or a joke, and there’s absolutely nothing I can do about it, and I hate it! I can’t process that he’s rea-really… dead,” Ren said as the tears rolled down their face.

“I know, Ren. I know,” Samantha said. She reached out to Ren and hugged them tight. Then they ate the cinnamon rolls, which were a bit crushed, but still warm.

Thunder crashed as they sat next to each other, looking through photos of them and Jonathan and remembering the best memories. The dim light illuminated their tear-stained faces.

The photos seemed to go on forever. Samantha got up and looked at the clock.

“It’s midnight, you need to get some sleep.” Samantha whispered.

Ren didn’t respond, they felt they didn’t need sleep anymore, and they really didn't want to. When there was nothing to wake up to next morning, all they could do now was sit and stare at the wall. They didn’t know if it was just them, but their mind was so foggy they couldn’t think of something to say even if they had wanted to. “The funeral is tomorrow,” Samantha said quietly. “Are you going?”

“Yeah, I will,” Ren answered dully. They felt like a little candy wrapper being tumbled through the wind. A few hours later, Samantha left after cleaning up a bit. She waited until Ren fell asleep and silently headed out the door, climbed into her olive colored car and drove home.

Ren woke up the next morning, rubbing the sleep from their bleary eyes. They rolled over to wake up Samantha, but she was gone. She probably left after I had fallen asleep, Ren thought. She can't be here all the time, she's got responsibilities to take care of. They got up and went to the counter. Some food sat in a container with a painfully bright pink sticky note on top. They trudged over trying to read the sticky note, but the words seemed to blur.

Hey, I had to get to school, I’ll be back after school with your stuff! Love you Ren!

❤, Samantha.

 Ren stared at the dino nuggets in the container she had left, but they weren't hungry at all. She is really spoiling me, isn’t she, they thought wryly. Everything felt like they were in a void. They laid on the couch and drifted off to sleep.

Ren woke up to a phone buzz. They stretched their joints out; they were still sore from sleeping on the floor. It was still drizzling. Ren’s phone buzzed louder.

 Samantha: I can be ur ride for the funeral if you want

Samantha: If ur ready

The world seemed to spin. Ren was not ready to be near a car yet. Thinking of being in a car made every alarm go off in their head. It was the very thing that had taken Jonathan away from everyone who loved him. And to Ren, it felt like their fault.

        A flash of the memories came back. It was afternoon, one and a half weeks ago. The two of them were driving home from school. They were singing to the radio, albeit out of tune and with excessive air guitar. And then suddenly a crippling blow as the car skidded across the road. Bang, Bang, Bang. Ren's head was yanked back and forth by the car's momentum, leaving them sick to their stomach. Ren tried to unbuckle the seat belt, but it was bashed in by the door. Jonathan asked Ren if they were OK, voice labored. There were sirens wailing, crushed metal scraping and the bitter smell of gas and flames, multiple cars folded like a deadly origami.  They shrieked when they saw a bone jutting unnaturally out of Jonathan's leg, blood everywhere. Shattered glass coated the ground like snow. People shouting, medics rushing, Ren screaming with a voice that didn't seem to come from them. Ren looked around, panicked. They saw Jonathan's curly mop of hair rest gently over his eyes, like a bloodied veil. And then Jonathan's eyes going dull, his head sinking into the airbag.  No last words. Just a ragged breath and then- nothing. Like a light bulb switched off. Ren felt like the floor was spinning and dipping.

Bang, Bang, Bang. Ren felt their heart race before they realized it was someone knocking on the door. They sounded impatient. Ren put on a steady face, trying to keep from keeling over, and walked to the door. Standing in front of them was Samantha, a takeout box, and a concerned look on her face.

“Are you alright?” she asked.

“I'm fine." Ren said gruffly, about to slam the door in Samantha's face. They were not about to drive again. They could stay in their little house forever. That was fine by them. Samantha frowned. "I brought you some food to eat on the way," she said. Her eyes had dark circles under them, and her hair was a mess. Samantha, as small as she was, easily forced her way in the door. She set the stuff down, turned around and gave them a hug. Even though Ren hadn't wanted Samantha to come in, Ren felt a little better. Samantha's hair smelled comforting, like clean cotton sheets and bakeries.

“Ren. I need to ask you something. Will you be there at the funeral?”

They didn’t answer. 

“Ren. I feel like I’ve lost both of my best friends. I can’t go without both of you! You keep shutting everything out. I want to help. I get it. It’s so hard, I felt it too, and I still do. We just show it differently. But you can’t stop living. You have to face the world somehow,” Samantha said, nearly crying.

Ren sat still.

“It’s what Jonathan would have wanted. He always wanted the best for you,” Samantha said, her voice tinged with grief.

The words hit Ren like a sledgehammer. But it was the truth. Ren looked Samantha in her big blue eyes and uttered four words that seemed to lift all the pressure off their chests. “I’ll try. I promise,”

A few months later, Ren stepped out in the rain. But this time they weren’t crying. Instead they smiled. “I kept my promise, Jonathan. I tried for you. And it worked.”

They walked inside and closed the door as the sun peeked through the storm clouds. 

My friend SK and I collaborated on this for school. I edited this a bit and cleaned it up! Hope you enjoy! I