Above the whittled stage
Below the spritely lights
Another troupe resides
Performing just at night
On misty Wednesday evenings
When the speckled sky maroons
The daytime crowd retreats
Before the coiny silver moon
Then orchestra begins to strum
A lonesome, waxing sound
The beetles pluck the banjo
The bullfrogs trumpet around
A waltz of sparrows thunders in
To sonderate the curtain
Then timpanis begin to tap
The tempo still uncertain
But salamander sings soprano
To a prestempant sort of beat
The crowd begins to holler
To leap and stomp their feet
The stage creaks triumphantly
Then the struts begin to quell
Downstage rattles madly
As the music starts to swell
The stars squint their eyes
As the theater crumples down
The splinters stick the singers
As the crowd clambers back to town
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140,874 Literary Works • 673,697 Reviews
Nice, I too haven't been here for quite some time. I would like to at least leave one review today.
At the beginning, I liked the beat setup of the first four lines. They had the same number of syllables, the words flowed naturally, and the imagery was beautifully painted.
That's why when it got to the next four lines, I felt a little letdown with the choice of words and their syllables. The rhyming was still good, but I feel like the lines are clunky.
"Speckled sky maroons" sounds clunky with the (intentional/unintentional?) use of alliteration. Not only that, but the "k" makes it even more apparent.
"But salamander sings soprano" is awkward in its placement. Four lines away, you were listing several animal musicians, but then shifted away to describing a random occurrence with an instrument. I feel like the three lines before the "salamander" line could either be omitted or moved somewhere else. Which is a shame because I like that "curtain-uncertain" rhyme a lot.
I like the setup for the ending, the lines "The stage creaks..." through "As the music..." but the last four lines feel clunky, especially the last line.
But the imagery is real, and the theme of animal musicians playing onstage is comforting. I like this poem overall, but some areas could be improved.
Thank you for this poem!
Hiiii
Love the way u have rhymed the words.I fell if u could summarised the poem a little bit it would make it better because while reading people tend to get bored when the poetry is long
Other than that totally loved it....
Oh and that last line was amazing!!!
Am looking forward to read your works
Hope u post more frequently
Bye for now!!!
We're still around!
Welcome back!
Ooo the rhymes here, so good!