Fill my Heart

Hello there Ariana! Dogs here with your review as requested. Ok, to start things off, I would greatly disagree with all the notes toes offered in regards to your rhyming and how many lines are in each stanza. Reason being because there is writing known as free verse for which you write quite well in. In nearly all my poems I write in free verse, throwing in some rhymes occasionally with no specific formatting, no worries it works fine. So, moving on, I would suggest that for your next submission that you format your poems like:

"I was so alone,
With damaged dignity;"

Instead of:

""I was so alone,

With damaged dignity;"

The double spacing just makes the poem look a tad bit odd and the spacing makes your writing a tad bit difficult to read smoothly. Minor note.

"With damaged dignity;"

Also, in this line put a period after "dignity." Using two semi colons in the same continuous sentence throws off the flow a little. You also forgot to put in a period after the last word of the first stanza.

"My hope was long since gone"

Using nice imagery here, although I think you can use a stronger word instead of "gone." maybe try: "destroyed, demolished, shattered" something a little more imagery inducing. You also need a period at the end of this line.

"that passes over me."

Now I've noticed this twice in your poem (the first in the opening stanza), where you start a line with a lower case letter. Which is strange to me because in all the other lines you start them with a capital. So stay consistent with that in your poem, either use proper grammar capitalization and what not, or capitalize/lowercaseize every single word in the first line.

"It restores my soul and cleanses me."

This line bugs me a little, try to omit all useless words whenever you can. Try saying: "restoring my soul and cleansing me." Or something along those lines, whatever works.

All and all a lovely piece of writing, you have some great work here and I really enjoyed reading your writing. Well done with everything here my friend, let me know if you ever need a review. Keep up the good work!

TuckEr EllsworTh

I really think you have many good things going on right now. I liked the overall poetic rhyme scheme, but as Toe said it is better not to rhyme 'me' with 'me' because there are so many other directions you could take it. Yet I also understand why you did it I think because I occasionally do the same. I also found it strange that you had some stanzas with three or five lines when the majority was four. But I liked the emotion put in it, the poem fits the title quite nicely.

Sorry if this is lame, I'm really new on this website! :/

Quickie by Toe.
Things you seem to have accomplished:
1. Slight emotion between poem and reader.
2. Slight imagery.
3. A nice story throughout the poem.

Things that need improvement:
1. The rhyming scheme of the poem needs a lot of changing.. Every stanza seems to have its own scheme.
2. Do not rhyme 'me' with 'me'.
3. Last stanza has no rhyme at all.
4. In poems, sentences should be shortened by a lot. Example: 'and all of the wounds are beginning to heal' should be 'wounds begin to heal'.
5. Why are some stanzas 3 lines and others 4 and 5?

Opinion:
I'm not sure if all this was intentional or not, but in my opinion I think that you should give the poem is right and balance it out, I'm talking correct rhyming, balanced lines and the correct amount of them. Sorry if I'm sounding too harsh but I think that it would be better if you rewrite the whole poem and post it up again. After that maybe if you compare them you'd understand why this review is a bit harsh.

Good luck with your future pieces ArianaSarroyo

Sorry if this is too long.