See us struggle
Feel our pain
Keep us silent
For your gain
Mute our voices
Project yours
Keep us locked
Behind closed doors
Hear us cry
Watch us fall
The world will see
Beyond your wall
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140,546 Literary Works • 673,419 Reviews
Hi there arianaSarroyo,here is Dark to give review on your sweet poem.
Well,you doing a great job here.You still choose a theme that is concerned at "the main content" or theme that give lessons here.I like every words you use in your poem here and I think it was simple but straight to the points!This is actually a nice poem that I always looking for in YWS(Not a poem that only convey the feelings without giving a reader something to think about).I also love the ending of the poem.It is like a bit conclusion that gives such a relief to the reader.
# The world will see
Beyond your wall
Overall,I will give you 9/10.Keep writing and keep it up here in YWS!
Kudos,cheers;
~Dark
This poem has real meaning to it and I generally like. I don't see any errors with your grammar or spelling, but I tend to miss some some times. This poem is pretty good, it feels dark, yet not dark at the same time. I don't like to tell people how to improve their writing, because I believe that you choose your own style. However I will say that you should have added more affect to this poem because it feels empty. You could have spread out the words a bit to look like an actual wall. Just a suggestion, though.
I like how you "hid" the actual poem at the top and bottom of your 'wall', but I felt like you should have had maybe four total lines at the bottom instead of two four line stanzas, to spread it out more along the 'border' like a baseboard and give it more of a wall feel. The same with the top. Spread it out into one or two lines like crown molding. Hope that gives you an idea of what you can do with this kind of poem!