On Mages and Magic: Prologue

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!!

First Impression: Well...this was a pretty cool little thing to read here. I wouldn't necessary call this a prologue though..and while the idea is really cool, this could do with a few adjustments...well..more on all of that down below.

Anyway let's get right to it,

It was the generally accepted opinion that mages were an odd sort. Ask one the time and they were as likely to reply with a complex lecture on the nature of time itself, in which you would be lucky to understand one word in every five, as they were to simply state that it was 2:35 in the afternoon. Arrange to meet one for tea, and they were certain to have been distracted in multiple instances on the way over and to end up arriving a few hours late without even realizing anything amiss had occurred. Inquire as to their opinion on any topic, and it would be a very rare occasion if they went off on less than twelve tangents, and only fell asleep twice. By and large, this meant that a group of people who could set you on fire simply by waving their hands at you were dismissed as harmless eccentrics, and for good reason. Quite simply, they were. Your average mage’s idea of a good time was a long nap and a longer book. In fact, it had been so long since they last bothered anyone, that very few people even remembered that they were capable of being dangerous if they felt so inclined.

Over the course of many years, mages had been accepted as a group of people who were willing to deal out sage advice, if asked, for you to struggle to decipher, but otherwise were perfectly content to remain in their citadel, and it’s smaller outposts, with their magical theory. It had reached the point where no one was quite sure what, exactly, they were for, but were perfectly happy to let them get on with it, while they dealt with actual problems, and carried out actually useful tasks.

Because of this common thought, it meant that while a family that produced a mage child were never shunned, they were generally regarded to have their heads not properly screwed on for a few generations at least. And while the child was never sent away, as soon as they were in their early teens they would be strongly encouraged to go live with the rest of their kind. After all, sensible people were far too busy with their sensible lives to bother with the strange thoughts of eccentrics.

And so, when Quinn Aisling realized that she could understand what two nearby horses were saying to each other; her first thought, rather than being one of joy, wonder or even curiosity, was ‘Oh dear’. Closely followed by ‘Whatever will papa say’?

Haha, I love that last paragraph! A great introduction to the story.

I agree with Apricity that you don't really need this as a prologue. When I write something like this, I usually then transplant it into a "notes" document and use it as a reference for worldbuilding etc, making sure I hit all the major points through the story. It comes back to "show don't tell," as you can show wizards interacting with people in the world and give the reader the same information, but in a more lively manner.

I think a really good opening for your story might be a tiny brief on the wizards that then leads into the last paragraph there. For instance...

"Wizards were generally dismissed as harmless eccentrics. Families that produced a mage child were regarded to have their heads not properly screwed on for a few generations at least. So when Quinn Aisling realized..." Then off you go into chapter 1!

That aside, a few questions about the worldbuilding.

My first impression was that wizards are out and about, just usually ignored. Like, you COULD ask one to tea or run into one crossing the street and ask them the time, but you don't. But then there's this mention of a citadel... are they all holed up in this one citadel? How big is the world? On all the continent(s), do wizards flock to this single citadel where they have their own little "town" of sorts? Are there multiple citadels in different geographic regions?

The other big thing is that you start out by stereotyping a large group of people. So IMMEDIATELY, I'm dying for characters that break the stereotypes. I get the sense that everyone thinks these big broad umbrella ideas about all wizards, but in reality they would all be unique individuals, so I'm dying to meet them and get to know them. Even if they're all quirky, I'm hoping that each wizard we meet will be unique, with unique personality traits, interests, and mannerisms. One thing you want to be really careful about doing is making ALL wizards this same cookie-cutout stereotype, (or everyone *besides* the MC). They're all still real people, so make sure they get lots of depth whenever they're on screen.

Cheers

Hey there, Apricity for a review.

First thing, read this article. This here will tell you the difference between what a prologue is for instead of what people think they're for. But that's ok, everyone makes different. Basically, in a nutshell they're aren't a word you attach to something that's not chapter one but don't know where else to put in your story.

Here, for the first three paragraphs you seem to be introducing the general background of your story to the readers. Outlining the history of mages and sketching a rough outline of the story's timeline. I understand why you'd be tempted to put this as the prologue but it's not, this is information you can weave into your chapters along the way. If anything, it should be the last paragraph to expound it.

The paragraph that concerns Quinn Aisling and her father. That is interesting, however consider very carefully how you construct your prologue and what information you put into it. Read the article and you'll understand. Even published authors rarely write good prologues, if you want some references. You can check out Patrick Rothfuss's prologue in The Name of the Wind, a prologue should be something that is only explained at the end of a book or series. Of course not all prologues are like these, but most of them are. They are to be honest, very finicky things. Next time if you're unsure whether this is a prologue or a chapter, put a chapter there. It's always the safer option.

I hope this has been of some help to you, if you have any questions please don't hesitate to ask me. I'm always open to feedback!

-Apricity