Mirror Image

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

I wake up and try to remember the events of the night before. The last thing I remember was the lights of the club and dancing with some guy, Steve or Stephan, something that starts with an S. I sit up and survey my surroundings. Musty old motel room with a sharp pungent smell, probably mold in the bathroom, defiantly the last place I would have thought I would wake up. Me, a straight A college student majoring in Law at Harvard, this was so not my scene. I push the moth-eaten comforter off me and walk into the bathroom. I splash the water that splashes out of the faucet onto my face and look in the mirror in front of me. Scattered with scratched in graffiti, I look past it at my reflection.

Well, this is a very intriguing start here. We've got ourselves someone that finds themselves in what I can only assume from the context put here to be a situation that they are very much unfamiliar with. Its definitely quite intriguing, cause from what we're seeing here, this person ended up dancing with a strange and then waking up in a dilapidated motel room that they don't seem to remember coming to...and well you do wonder if this person went through something bad enough to cause them to be like this...or if they were somehow forced into a situation like this one through some other means.

What I see is not the blonde hair blue eyed beauty everyone told me I was all through High School. No, what I see is a scared young woman. Her beautiful blue eyes look empty and hallow. Her beautiful blonde hair has thinned and fallen out in some places leaving patches of skin here and there. Her lips, which used to be plump and pink, are now a dull white as if she has been sucking them in. Her face looks almost lifeless. I look away, scared of the image.

Well, that's a really nice way to a) very subtle describe character in the first person. The cliche of the mirror is somewhat offset by how this seems like a very legitimate moment to look into the mirror and looking into the mirror and studying the features actually appears to play into the story here. You can see how terrified this person is of her own reflection and what it is telling her that she's become from what she once was. There's a very clear sense of a serious downward spiral occuring in the life of this person that is quite shocking to her and well, that certainly adds to the questions already raised in the first paragraph here.

When I look back, the girl is gone. I see my beautiful reflection and touch my fingers to the glass. I let go of my breath, unaware I was holding it. I walk out of the motel room and into the fresh air of Los Angles. I make a vow to myself and to the girl in the mirror. I will never let myself go down the road I was headed. I will hold my head high and hope for the best.

Okay...so, the ending seems to suggest that image was only some sort of premonition about what the future could hold if whatever this confusing situation she woke up in here continued to persist and she went fully down that road. Its certainly an interesting note to end on here, cause it gives a sense of purpose to her moving forward, while it does still leave the previous questions all unanswered. All in all, this was a very interesting piece and despite this being in the novel section, this feels almost complete here...for some reason.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry

Musty old motel room... defiantly the last place I would have thought I would wake up.

Looking for definitely here.

Me, a straight A college student majoring in Law at Harvard

This could flow even better as "Me, a straight-A Law student at Harvard." Or even "straight-A Harvard Law student." Point being: if you're going to mention the university later, no need to mention that she's a university student.

I splash the water that splashes out of the faucet

Too much splashing! You've got a whole mess to clean up!

Jokes aside, "splash the water that splashes" is a lot of splashing so close together. Might be nice to change on of those to something else.

Scattered with scratched in graffiti

This is also a bit awkward. "Scratched with graffiti," or "Covered with graffiti," or "Covered with scratches" would probably work better.

What I see is not the blonde hair blue eyed beauty

You could use some hyphens and commas here. "Blonde-haired, blue-eyed" is the proper descriptor.

Thought: Los Angeles? I thought she was at Harvard? Unless she's on Spring Break or vacation or something. Or maybe she already graduated. That bit threw me off a little.

Overall, it's short. Hardly a chapter, but like EP above me said, a good start for a prologue or epilogue. I'm interested to see where this goes.

KF

I think this would be the prolouge, perhaps the epilouge of a book. I like how you wrote

this was so not my scene

. It gives the narrator character. But when the POV changes from first to third, it makes it a little confusing. Or perhaps informative. It could be the young girl describing the other woman, which seems more cohesive.

I was all through High School

The capitalization particularly annoyed me. Also,

are now dull white as if she has been sucking them in

I think that it is a bit repetitive that you say dull, then white. Perhaps instead say "are now a dull white" And the tense is wrong. It should be had been sucking them in.

On the other hand, what I loved about this is the feeling of it. The girl first seems indifferent, then her character is slowly built in this small story of yours. I think, as I said before, it would be a great epilouge or prolouge.