Hey, aooborromeo!
Here's a review for you today!
Seeking to grab our own
(like) anacondas and their prey.
Judgements are held captive there,
like killers in straight jackets.
I really liked the simile of watchful eyes compared to anacondas. It shows how suffocating attention (or judgements) from other people can be. To help the flow of this stanza, the first "like" could be moved to the second line. When I was reading, the pause after the first "like" sounded like the eyes grabbed our own likes? lol. Also, if it's moved then it will also reflect the placement of the second "like".
When our similarities ride forth on horses,
we ignore them.
Their thundering hooves stampede elsewhere.
When our differences spiral downward,
our guns are shoot recklessly,
damaging everything around us.
I found the imagery of similarities on horses quite amusing. It shows how obvious similarities can be and how oblivious we can be to them when in the presence of differences. For this stanza, the only thing I noticed was "shoot" in the 5th line. Did you mean to put "our guns shoot recklessly," or "our guns are shot recklessly,"? The one that sounds better to me is "our guns shoot recklessly,"
a(n) easy manipulation,
Just a misplaced "n"!
Wow, very well done! I liked that you started with the definition of human and ended with a new definition. I also thought that it was interesting how you chose to give poetic definitions of the different parts of a person and elaborating them in several different poems! I really enjoyed reading this, so don't be too hard on yourself! It was very well written and I included some quick edits for you. Anyways, take what you will from this and keep writing!
Points: 3026
Reviews: 41
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