z

Young Writers Society



Midas

by aooborromeo


Gold, like the sun, is priceless.
So bright and gorgeous.
Every child grows with the sun in her face.
Yet, I grew up,
with gold.

Gold, like water, is necessary.
Life can be hard with little riches.
I heard stories of Father’s life.
No gold,
no hope,
no home.
He hungered for luxury.

Gold, like a family, is precious.
Such treasure can grant you your dreams.
Traveling.
Cars.
Clothes.
Jewelry.
Admiration.
Respect.
Father worked hard to experience it all.

Gold, like honey, is sweet.
The world is made of bees,
all desiring nectar from the kings and queens.
I recall hearing my parent’s love story.
A family offering up a bee for a mate.
A family who wanted the treasures of Father.

Gold, like corpses, are dead.
No soul lives within a prize.
Yet, father saw beauty within.
I wasn’t as beautiful.
I remembered skipping up to the table of blue bloods.
A doll in my hand, a smile on my face.
Daddy, play?
Not now.
But-
Later. Leave.
When was “later”?
He left for London the next day.

Gold, like talent, is adored.
Magazines held photos of Father.
His gold behind him.
Pictures of a strong, handsome man,
covered in success he could drown in.
Rags to Riches
Yet, riches had no emotions.
Riches couldn’t love.
I could love.
I had so much love to give.
Love burning like a candle’s flame.
Love that burns out when neglected.

Gold, like winter, is cold.
Where is daddy
At work
When is he coming back
Soon…
The mansion was empty,
save for the maid I knew all my life.
The maid whom I knew more than him.

Gold, like Gods, rule from above.
Father’s Earth had no room for me.
His Earth required kiss-ups,
women to give him what mother won’t,
chances to get more gold.
So, I had to live on Mars.
Miles away from where he was.
Father wants you to have what he never had.
I don’t want that though.

Gold, like the sun, is far away.
It was my eighteen birthday.
He promised to come.
It was all I wanted,
since I haven’t seen him for months.
Five hours later,
all the guests left.
Father wasn’t one of them.
A gold necklace was sent.
Just like the earrings last year,
the bracelet the year before,
the ring the year before that.

Gold was addicting.
Gold was a necessity.
Gold creates Gods among men,
Kings of the World.
Yet a God high above couldn’t see,
the daughter he left at home.
A daughter who wanted her father,
to play with her and her dolly.

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16 Reviews

Points: 674
Reviews: 16

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Mon Feb 28, 2022 12:55 am
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emilyrebecca says...



Hello!! I'm here to leave a review.

I would like to start by complimenting the talent you displayed in writing this poem. You might notice most of this review is going to be praise and maybe some light suggestions, that would be why.

As far as specific things I enjoyed there are many. For one your use of comparisons is consistent and extremely well thought out. I also loved the way you portrayed the eagerness the daughter had for a relationship throughout the entire poem, showing the feelings weren't childish or immature. You also did a good job tying the ending to the beginning stanzas, especially because the poem is on the longer side. The repetition also helped with the flow and overall the prom is gorgeous when spoken aloud.

My light a suggestion would be to play with the line and stanza breaks on some of the more "shocking" or "harsh truth" statements. For example the lines "I don't want that though" (stanza 8) and "He left for London the next day"(stanza 5) could in my opinion, be there own stanzas all together. They are both revealing and vulnerable lines as well as shocking and disappointing, which should be highlighted.

As I said I loved the poem and enjoyed reviewing it. Hope I helped at all. :)




aooborromeo says...


Thank you for your post! I loved everything you say.



User avatar
16 Reviews

Points: 674
Reviews: 16

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Mon Feb 28, 2022 12:55 am
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emilyrebecca wrote a review...



Hello!! I'm here to leave a review.

I would like to start by complimenting the talent you displayed in writing this poem. You might notice most of this review is going to be praise and maybe some light suggestions, that would be why.

As far as specific things I enjoyed there are many. For one your use of comparisons is consistent and extremely well thought out. I also loved the way you portrayed the eagerness the daughter had for a relationship throughout the entire poem, showing the feelings weren't childish or immature. You also did a good job tying the ending to the beginning stanzas, especially because the poem is on the longer side. The repetition also helped with the flow and overall the prom is gorgeous when spoken aloud.

My light a suggestion would be to play with the line and stanza breaks on some of the more "shocking" or "harsh truth" statements. For example the lines "I don't want that though" (stanza 8) and "He left for London the next day"(stanza 5) could in my opinion, be there own stanzas all together. They are both revealing and vulnerable lines as well as shocking and disappointing, which should be highlighted.

As I said I loved the poem and enjoyed reviewing it. Hope I helped at all. :)




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Points: 6713
Reviews: 130

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Sat Feb 26, 2022 11:48 pm
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Stellarjay wrote a review...



Hello aooborromeo,
I hope you are having a lovely day or night wherever you are.

Roses

First I’d like to focus on the literary devices and other things that helped enhance the poem. I noticed how you used repetition at the beginning of each stanza. “Gold, like xx, is xx”. As we followed along the girl’s life, that one line helped refocus on the main topic, which was wealth. It also really enhanced the poem and helped it stay cohesive. I liked how you put dialogue into italics. Like here:
Daddy, play?
Not now.
But-
Later. Leave.

Without them I would have been incredibly confused.
Last but not least is imagery! Probably one of my favorite literary devices of all time! One of my favorites was this one:
Gold, like honey, is sweet.
The world is made of bees,
all desiring nectar from the kings and queens.
I recall hearing my parent’s love story.
A family offering up a bee for a mate.
A family who wanted the treasures of Father.

The imagery brought the poem to life and helped keep it from getting dry. Every new stanza brought something else to ponder which kept my interest through the roof.

Now onto the meaning and other fun stuff!

The poem read very much like a story. It follows a man’s success and a daughter’s sorrow regarding wealth. We are shown how Gold can both help someone thrive and live a life of comfort. But we are also shown that if put in the wrong hands, Gold can take over your life. It can flood your consciousness and make you forget what’s actually important.

ALSO!
I loved that you did this:
Gold, like the sun, is priceless.

And then at the end of the poem it changed into this:
Gold, like the sun, is far away.

It tied everything together so neatly. Then the last stanza was like a nice conclusion of all your thoughts. It’s as if the narrator is looking back on her life and simply reflecting.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Overall this was such a powerful poem! What inspired you to write it? (if you don’t mind my asking.) Also how long did it take to write? Anyways, I hope this review was helpful, if you have any questions feel free to ask. Keep on writing and have a great rest of your day!
Stellarjay




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110 Reviews

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Reviews: 110

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Sat Feb 26, 2022 10:32 pm
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illy7896 wrote a review...



This is so heart-breaking, and relatable to those even if they aren't in the same situation. I don't come from a family who's rich or evolves their lives around gold, but I understand the feeling of abandonment and isolation which many children deal with when they have working parents or who sometimes forget their priorities. Recently, my dad has been at work a lot too and I can really empathise with the girl. Thank you for making this poem, it's really important and it applies to many situations, even if the audiences aren't people of wealth and luxury. And I appreciate how you haven't made the father the complete theme of the poem but gold, because it brings light how to good men and women can lose sight of what's more important and they're not always bad people. Additionally, you're discrediting the true monster which is our society that caters and encourages competition and selfishness. So on a personal level, I liked this poem a lot and it means a lot and this is how I have personally interpreted the poem.

Firstly, the comparisons are AMAZING. From comparing gold to 'water' and then later on comparing it to 'Gods', you have emphasised the imbalance between nature and man-made creation. Gold is slowly changing shape, changing form from something inevitable and admired to something glorified and worshipped, bringing light to how gold becomes unhealthy, all-powerful and obeyed. I interpret it like this because the term 'god' often connotates, for me at least, something that is worshipped undeniably and undoubtedly, and contrasting that with gold itself creates a negative idea. So, I really like the way you have compared gold to both natural and man-made creations.

I also really liked the way you have used repetition from the beginning and end of:

Gold, like the sun, is priceless.


and:

Gold, like the sun, is far away.


How you have described it as 'priceless' and then as 'far away' perfectly describes the transition of opinion from start to finish and how as time moves on, the narrator starts to hate gold and how she's been badly influenced by it or how her family has. It's a perfect way to begin and to conclude, and explains the pros and cons of gold, and of indulgence and how everything has its consequence.

Thanks for listening and great job!





It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them.
— Mark Twain