Laughter is easily found in our school corridor. From all classes , all students-everywhere. People laughing with their friends. I too have a friend; and she might be the only one I have but she means the whole world to me. I wish she could spend more time with me. I wish she wasn’t a distant friend. I really love her- she is a full packet of joy for me. Her name’s Khushi-“happiness” in English; and she keeps up with her name. She lives in Gurugram , which is around 26 km away from my house , needless to say we don’t see each other often. Not often enough for me anyway. Our friendship was developed through text messages, the ones in which you open up your heart completely. She makes me feel special, by everything she does- she takes good care of me; and more than that, sometimes she makes me feel like I help her to grow too. She makes me feel like the useful mud. She reads my poetry too so she knows my mind. And asks me to be gentle with myself, like you do! You know why I a m talking about her. Because all these moments, seeing friends enjoy each other’s company remind me of her. And at these times, I’m not sad but grateful to God that I have her with me. She is the light of my dark tunnel, the rope to my pit, the oxygen to my plant. I love her more than I love any of my friends- not that I have many for that matter. But I still really love her.
The thing is- we don’t talk often. And even though I feel really happy when I’m with her, I’m not with her most of the time. I’d love to make new friends, but I’m too shy and people don’t approach me first. I do understand the importance of friends, don’t you? You can have the best parents in the whole world, and yet the company of someone your age who understands you is missed. I smile at a lot of people here at school, all of whom I’d love to befriend. But it never gets further than that. Atleast we’re smiling friends!
And it’s a wonder sometimes how a smile can lighten up your day. Which brings me back to today. You knew something was fishy, didn’t you? I wouldn’t start talking about friends out of the blue, right? Lol you were right.
We came back to school after a weekend, to find a new student there. It’s only been 2 months since this session began, so my hopes for getting someone new this year were going a little down. my experience with new students is pretty good- but the thing is, they don’t usually stay with us. Bad luck!
Anyways, so we had this cute and pretty girl, sitting in our classroom before us. She however lacked that lost look which new students generally have; which surprised me. She looked so confident of herself and smiled at everyone. The kind of smile that makes you want to smile too. She had a pretty heart smile which showed almost all her upper teeth. The more surprising thing was- she was sitting at my seat. Or rather my bag’s seat ‘cause no human has sat on it for decades now. Well, seems like I’ll have to face a human again. If you’re wondering why I can’t sit somewhere else, that’s because here the number of chairs is equal to the number of students so we have fixed seats. And we can’t change them unless someone is absent. So the thing was, she didn’t have anywhere else to sit so I couldn’t even ask her to change seats.
Nobody else could ask her to sit with them either.
It was a rather hard day for me though. Like it is for anyone sitting with a new student since students will flock to the desks and do their introductions; even before the teacher asks them to. I’m not the only one who has good experience with new students, you see. They are good with all.
So I saw more people at my desk today than I saw in the last couple of years of my silent existence.
This girl though was pretty nice with me too. She was trying to make conversations all the time. Here’s how that went—
“What’s your name?”
“Aashi”
“You don’t mind my sitting here, do you?”
“No”
Silence
“Are the teachers here strict?”
“Sometimes”
“Which one’s your favorite?”
“None”
“Which subject is your favorite?”
“None”
Silence.
After a couple more questions, she left me to myself.
Now I really wanted to befriend her too- but you can’t blame me for answering in monosyllables; after so much time alone, you often forget how to talk! And its not like anybody cares.
She wasn’t discouraged in her attempts to befriend though. Within two periods, she knew the name of half of our class and had interviewed them with the same questions she had asked me. They answered well- I could learn from them.
Even with the teachers she was an instant hit. Answering in every class. confidence overflowing with a self-assured smile. The attention drawn to our desk completely, and yet I’ve never felt so obscure.
The end of the day came pretty soon today. And right before she was about to say her goodbyes, I said more than a word for the first time today.
“What’s your name?”
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141,249 Literary Works • 674,329 Reviews
Hi! Here to write a review on your story!
“ Laughter is easily found in our school corridor. From all classes , all students-everywhere. People laughing with their friends. I too have a friend; and she might be the only one I have but she means the whole world to me. I wish she could spend more time with me. I wish she wasn’t a distant friend. “ - Opening line is good, but maybe to make it more alive and to set more of a scene, add more physical details about the school itself. Maybe school colors, lockers, etc.
“ We came back to school after a weekend, to find a new student there. It’s only been 2 months since this session began, so my hopes for getting someone new this year were going a little down. my experience with new students is pretty good- but the thing is, they don’t usually stay with us. Bad luck! “ - A new character! It makes you wonder how the new student will be played in. Maybe the protagonist will have a new friend, and won’t have to worry so much about her online friend. Interesting!
“ It was a rather hard day for me though. Like it is for anyone sitting with a new student since students will flock to the desks and do their introductions; even before the teacher asks them to. I’m not the only one who has good experience with new students, you see. They are good with all. “ I remember this growing up. I was a new student quite a bit since my family would move so often, so any new student might be able to relate to this! Maybe the new student is so used to moving they she knows what to say?
“ The end of the day came pretty soon today. And right before she was about to say her goodbyes, I said more than a word for the first time today. “ Yessss looking for that character development! Maybe this new student (hypothetical new friend??) will help Aashi come out of her shell a little. But I do want to point something out! With your dialogue, in some stories it can be hard to keep track of who is saying what without clarification. So maybe for less confusion, it could go as:
“What’s your name?” She asked.
“Aashi,” I replied.
“You don’t mind me sitting here, do you?” She asked, tilting her head in my direction.
“No,” I said.
Dialogue is very important in story reading for some people, and it can catch more attention to the readers by doing so. But in other words, really well written! Keep it up and keep writing!
Thanks a lot for the review zippyzonks <3
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm baaack for another review!!
First Impression: Okayy...so things changing a little, I feel like while the first couple of parts were more about getting to know this character and about how they are, for the first time we're seeing events move somewhat more forward and new feelings starting to have an effect.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Hmm...well this is a bit of a change of pace from the other parts we saw, it now looks like we're finally getting around to a thing too that our main character cherished besides nature here...and well, this is a really wholesome start here. You can certainly feel just how much this person must mean judging off of this description and it creates a very powerful effect there.
Hmm, you're really painting quite a picture there too...we get to see quite how sad she is at the fact that the only person she appears to be fully comfortable with can't be with her all the time....and we see how tough it is for her to make new friends and how all the loneliness described in the earlier paragraphs come into play.
Hmm...this paragraph is a nice little change of pace there, just to remind us that this is meant to be a bit of a diary situation and not just a story...always good to see little details like that. And I like how we can clearly tell this new girl is a bit of a different and interesting thing for the narrator here.
Hmm, I almost get the sense that they're bringing up that whole excuse to avoid them getting their hopes up that someone would actually want to be their friend and sit next to them. Despite the fact that it is a valid reason that his person mentions there and it does look like the new girl had no other options, I get this paragraph is less about this person having to face someone new, but more on how this new girl was confident and smiling as she potentially talked to the narrator here, and that is something that seems to be rare.
Well you can certainly see how something like that would be very overwhelming to someone that isn't usually used to hanging out with a lot of people..and I almost get the sense that he last line their about seeing more people in one day than she had in two years isn't even really an exaggeration.
Ahhh...you're capturing that very awkward feeling of taking to a complete stranger as a fairly shy person really well there...the short one word answers and the very frequent moments of silence are just a perfect rendition of how one of those conversations tend to go.
Hmm...you can see the effect that someone who finally decides to acknowledge this person's existence and talk to this person is having on them here. This is a rather beautiful scene you're slowly setting up here.
Ahh the feelings in that last paragraph are startling real there. Its not the sort of feeling anyone likes to endure, being very near to the very center of attention and still being totally ignored...this one definitely hits quite hard here.
Oooh, I didn't think it was even possible to have cliffhangers in a story in this style...but ahh, I REALLY want to know the answer to this question, you've certainly at least managed to make me invested in this reply
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall, another fun chapter to read here...I'm loving the direction where this appears to be going here....and I can't wait to see if these two manage to actually become friends.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Thanks a lot for that beautiful review Harry!
You're Welcome!!
Hey Anne!
RandomTalks here with a review!
I really like where you are taking this story. To be honest, I have read a lot of things over here yet YWS. But yours is the kind of realistic, normal every-day story that I have wanted to read for a long while.
You can clearly see the subtle change in the narration. The sentences are more concrete and they stand with purpose now without flitting from one subject to another like in the first chapter. You seem to have a definite direction now, an idea that you want to portray and you have learned to deliver it well. This chapter has really helped the readers to sympathize with the main character. While, earlier she was mostly complaining or venting about her parents and the world, in this chapter we actually get to see the real her. And we realize just how insecure and lonely she is as a person.
With the way she talks about Khushi, it is clear that she thinks the whole world of her. Even though they are not as close, she is the most important person in her life, because beside her is the only place where her loneliness does not follow. She can be herself and laugh and talk and not really care about the world. This friendship that you have established here has really helped us to connect with her and sympathize. We now understand her on a deeper level and see her in a new light in a way we hadn't before.
I also though that the introduction of the new classmate was very well though out. She creates a shift in her fixed and lonesome universe and although she remains largely unaffected by this new intrusion, in the end we see her making the first attempt to actually get to know her. That marks her development and shows that she does not want to be lonely either; she just doesn't know how to approach people.
I thought it was interesting how often she mentioned that she has good experience with new students but unfortunately they do not stay for long. I cannot help but wonder if it is because its always easier to be closer to a stranger than someone who has known you your entire life. You can always build new identities with new people, you can be anyone you want and it would be a clean slate. She does not seem to have any relationship with her classmates, and they seem to ignore her. This is a chance for her to actually get to know someone and it was great seeing her try.
This sentence will be better if you write it as "she lives up to her name".
'Atleast' is usually written as 'at least'. I have never seen it being written this way.
Too many spaces between 'am'!
The 'm' in 'my' should be in the upper case. You are staring a new sentence here.
I would change the 'more' into 'most' but that's just my opinion!
I liked the slight exaggeration in this line because it gives that 'teenager feeling', where you stretch something out just to prove a point.
I would add 'me' after 'befriend'.
'name' will be 'names'; we are talking about an entire class here. And I would change the 'class' to 'classmates'.
The 'c' in confidence should be in upper case.
That said, I really liked the way you ended with that dialogue. It shows hope and gives us the feeling that something new is starting here.
Overall, I really liked this chapter.
Keep writing and have a great day!
Thanks a lot for the review RandomTalks! I'll make the corrections
This story or whatever this is
Is dope
Felt like I'm reading your, diary and you're also telling me a story
This part gave me a picture
I appreciate this write up
Laughter is easily found in our school corridor. From all classes , all students-everywhere. People laughing with their friends. I too have a friend; and she might be the only one I have but she means the whole world to me. I wish she could spend more time with me. I wish she wasn’t a distant friend. I really love her- she is a full packet of joy for me. Her name’s Khushi-“happiness” in English; and she keeps up with her name. She lives in Gurugram , which is around 26 km away from my house , needless to say we don’t see each other often. Not often enough for me anyway. Our friendship was developed through text messages, the ones in which you open up your heart completely. She makes me feel special, by everything she does- she takes good care of me; and more than that, sometimes she makes me feel like I help her to grow too. She makes me feel like the useful mud. She reads my poetry too so she knows my mind. And asks me to be gentle with myself, like you do! You know why I a m talking about her. Because all these moments, seeing friends enjoy each other’s company remind me of her. And at these times, I’m not sad but grateful to God that I have her with me. She is the light of my dark tunnel, the rope to my pit, the oxygen to my plant. I love her more than I love any of my friends- not that I have many for that matter. But I still really love her.
Thanks for the review!