Young Writers Society

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Soo...I think I do like where this is going. You're doing a great job here of getting us readers to really get invested in this character here...and she's basically single handedly making this pretty interesting to read so far.

Anyway let's get right to it,

I thought I might’ve given the wrong opinion that my parents and family are cruel, in the last journal entry. That’s not true at all. The truth is worse. You know the saying ‘beauty lies in the eyes if the beholder’. That's true for a whole lot of other things as well. It's not just beauty. People around me are good, best even. The whole trouble is, my eyes are bad or they see bad only. That’s worse,isn’t it? Changing yourself isn’t half as easy as avoiding people is. And the fact that my parents are sweet and do try to understand (I’ll still say they don’t due to my bad eyes) makes my problem worse. Cause I feel like a crappy daughter, sister and everything else that I am. I simply suck at my job of being a good human being. A destructive realization – when you don’t know what to do about it. I sometimes hate my parents for being so caring. You maybe thinking I’m talking like a psychopath, you’re not alone. I feel like one all the time. And my family is disappointed in me - I can see that in their eyes. Those despicably loving, trying-to-understand-me-and-failing eyes. The eyes that I betrayed and misunderstand consciously.

OKay...well that took an interesting turn there from the previous chapter, I do like how it looks like she wrote one thing down in a fit of emotion earlier, and now this is a different day in the journal, she realizes that her earlier entry might come off differently than she intended and now she's attempting to clarify things somewhat here. And well, this is interesting to see, it looks like her parents do care for her, but for some reason she believes she can't be a good daughter to them.

Why do they even like me? When they know I'm not trying to bond with them. When they know I'm giving it my all to avoid them. That way I have to live with the realization that the whole problem of this world is me. Not any other single soul. Which is definitely one thing that makes me different than all the cool and happy people of this world, who have the freedom of blaming their sadness on others. They don’t blame me though, and when they do accuse me- I know it’s true so that’s not called blaming.

Ah! Why is changing yourself so hard... and not that they help me in this process. Sad thing is- I can’t really blame them for this either ‘cause we’re expected to do these things ourselves, that is, reforming ourselves as responsible adults. Guess I haven’t matured a lot. (sigh)

Okay...well, this really is interesting to see where you're going with it. At this point it looks like this girl here has a bit of a toxic sense of herself here, thinking she needs to change to be a "good person" and avoiding her family..and it really looks like somehow she's lost a bit of her self worth..and well that does make things quite interesting here.

Yeah, so this happened today-

My parents want me to come with them to walks. And I refuse- almost always. Only I didn’t today. Was that a mistake? We met some of our acquaintances there, they asked about my career option. To any normal human, that’s very considerate and kind of them. But I’m not normal remember, the way I viewed it was that it’s such a rude question to ask someone, especially when they don’t know the answer. It's annoying to me, it really is. They're not even going to support me for whatever I chose. My job does not matter their lives one bit. So, I snapped back. In a rude and unapologetic way. Only to regret it when I got a verbal bashing from my parents. And I think it’ll start making sense, why I talked about my bad seeing eyes and all that. ‘Cause I can’t even complain. You know, having bad-seeing eyes deprives you of that right completely. Your parents could be bad to you, not very understanding at certain times- but the thing you’re worse than them. It snatches your right to correct their wrong, when you’re basically a mistake of creation. Someone the world was better off without.

Hmm...okay...so well, I like how we get another important incident being mentioned there in passing to help with a point she's trying to make...not to mention this little detail also seems like it will be a crucial one going forward here. It seems she has some sort of disease or disability in her eyes and that somehow makes her feel inferior to others in some way...or at least this is how this paragraph makes things sound here.

Furthermore, whenever my parents want me to talk it out. I just can’t! What do I tell them, I hate you for being bad? But I also hate them for being good! If they went according to me, they can’t even exist. They can’t even say a thing- because the amazing, double-standard human I am, I’ll always convince myself they were wrong.

And it’s not like I’m not facing the consequences. Feeling so negative about yourself is a punishment enough, or isn’t it?

No use, thinking about these things. I'll just enjoy the nature; I already am sitting in the balcony.

Umm...well, you can sense a nice amount of confusion there with her feelings...and I think that ties in really well to the title of this chapter here, cause that seems quite appropriate to how things are going down here.

And seeing the plants, (I am starting to tear up again TT) because in nature even worthless mud, is so beautifully used. Alongwith the sapling, it looks so wholesome, so useful. Is there no one who can make me feel that way? Not loved or anything like that. I'm sure if people celebrated mud and ignored the flowers, the mud must’ve felt bad too. What I want is someone who justifies my existence. Who reminds me that even if I myself am a whole pile of worthlessness; I can provide them all the essential things to grow up. As far as I know, I haven’t been able to do that to anyone as of now. I haven’t really helped anyone. Mud without a plant- that's what I am- someone looked down upon by everyone else.

My definition of enjoying nature went a bit too far from its purpose, didn’t it? Not for me though. Sadness is fun for me. The best source of enjoyment. You may think I'm getting sad by observing nature, and still saying that its enjoyable but that's only partially true. I'm happy.

Alright...well another interesting part of her personality I see...she appears to take quite a lot of comfort in nature, and it appears to be one of the few things that she seems to genuinely enjoy and I think you're doing a great job of establishing that quite clearly right here.

It’s the only thing that gives me enjoyment now- gloominess. Since it’s the only thing I feel I deserve. Not joy, not acceptance, no, not even love- gloominess is all I deserve.

*And without the strength to think any further, Aashi goes to her bedroom, with her glum-sharer, her pillow and soaks it- again. She’s not yet slept and before finally drifting off to sleep; she writes three questions on the paper kept on the table beside her bed-

OKayy....so that ending was a bit sad...this almost sounds like the start of a bit of a downward spiral for this person...with them starting to think sadness is what makes them happy which doesn't sound like a healthy state of mind to be in there.

re there any other people like me? Or am I the only one?
Am I really bad or am I just overthinking? What would anyone who meets someone like me think about me?
Why in the first place, was I even born?
What do you think about her questions? *

Hmm, well those questions certainly tell us a lot about her current state of mind. She appears to be quite sad about her life at the moment, aaand also lonely by the sounds of things. It feels like at this point she really needs a friend or someone to be there for here...well anyway, a really interesting few questions to end on here.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall, this seems like a really interesting concept, and I for one am definitely interested in where this could be going here. Well anyway that's about all I've gotta say for now.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry

Hey Anne!

RandomTalks here to leave a short review!

I really like the different approach you have taken here. Unlike the previous chapter, the delivery in this one is quite clear, and now it actually feels like a journal entry. I also like how instead of feeling like she is writing in her journal, it feels like she is talking to us and clearing any misconceptions we might have developed from her narration in the previous chapter. It is a great way to familiarize the reader with the character.

Teenage years are often difficult for people and I think Aashi here really shows us that. Like I said in the previous chapter, she seems to have a lot of angst in her, which I still stand by. But in this chapter we got to see a glimpse of a different side of her - her insecurities. She is too hard on herself, she sees all these negative things in herself and she does not know how to process or accept it and gets defensive instead. She is more open in her journal, because here no one is there to judge her. In the real world, she feels like people recognize these negatives in her, and attack and judge her and that is why she gets so defensive. I also think that is why she pounced on those neighbors who asked her a simple question about her career. And because she only sees the negative in herself, she takes her parent's scolding to the heart and holds it as a reason to be angry at them. She acknowledges that the people around her are good, and sometimes the problem is in her, but she does not really do anything to sort through these problems and work on herself. I think that tells us something about her character.

Mud without a plant- that's what I am

I really like this reflection of her. She gives so much thought in understanding and interpreting herself, but it is a shame that she is too hung up on the negatives to actually find the good that is buried deep within. I think that is going to be the plot of this story, her development and discovery that she to is full of goodness.

Grammar-wise I think you can improve. I am going to point out some minor mistakes for you:

You know the saying ‘beauty lies in the eyes if the beholder’.

The saying is 'beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder', so you need to change the 'if' here to 'of'.

They're not even going to support me for whatever I chose.

Since she has not chosen yet, the word will be in the present tense.

My job does not matter their lives one bit.

I feel 'matter' does not really fit here. 'affect' works better.

but the thing you’re worse than them.

You are missing a 'is' and a comma after 'thing'.

when you’re basically a mistake of creation.

It's just my opinion, but I think this line is a little exaggeration.

Furthermore, whenever my parents want me to talk it out. I just can’t!

These are two sentences, except the first one does not really work on its own. Remove the full stop and put a comma instead.

That's all.

Keep writing and have a great day!