Deadly Degree

by alliyah1234

Published September 12, 2011

In Real Poems

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The tasteless word, poison on the tip of my tongue,
I’ve almost got her, I’ve almost stung.
What a vulnerable little lady who will never see it coming
Ill get her at hello, we’ll have a relationship unbecoming
What a vulnerable little lady, doesn’t she see?
Shes bound to get burnt to an intolerable degree.
Will she burn and weaken or burn and learn?
Will she burn and let her emotions churn ?

I’ll get to know her and make her feel invincible
I’ll tell her what she’d like to hear and be convincible
But did this vulnerable little lady know,
That this was all a pretty show
That she meant nothing to me,
That she’d get burnt to a deadly degree.

She’s just a show case like the last few,
My heart is armoured and im hard to woo.
I’ve been burnt by the tasteless word and now it’s time,
I’ll burn them all after their triumphant climb.
I gave up on that poison to save myself from pain,
It’s time to watch the poison seep through them vain by vain.

Hey there vulnerable little lady,
Do you hear the sound of my snicker, the size of my grin?
Youre just another piece of rubbish that will end up in the bin.
Stay there vulnerable little lady,
Don’t make a move towards the door to leave,
Youll stay with me till I really believe,
That you mean nothing to me,
And that you’ve been burnt to a deadly degree.

Ive burnt you and im satisfied
The moment just intensified.
Im a heart broken heart breaker,
I look around and find a taker.
Vulnerable little lady should know
She’ll feel the poison just like so.
Vulnerable little lady should see,
That we were never meant to be.

Comments & reviews · 5
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JesusFreak900
Review
JesusFreak900 wrote a review Review · Sep 13, 2011

Well done! I enjoyed that bunches! The only thing that bothered me a little bit was some punctuation issues. Other than that, the flow was great! Also, the way you wrote this poem made me feel like I knew both "characters" by the end of it. It made me feel connected. Keep writing!

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alliyah1234
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alliyah1234 commented Comment · Sep 13, 2011

Thanks for the feedback :D There's several more to come, I just need to get points!

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Formslipper
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Formslipper commented Comment · Sep 13, 2011

I read it. Very convincing poetry!

What I mean by ^that^ is that your rhyming wasn't forced. I struggle a bit with forced rhyming, and always have known it; I always enjoy seeing a poet who "gets it"- ya' know? Good job!

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Noelle
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Noelle wrote a review Review · Sep 12, 2011

Hi there!

This poem is great! It's reads very well and I can't find a place where the flow falters. You don't have very much imagery, but it works out well without it. Since this is someone describing themselves, you really don't need much imagery. After reading this I assume that it's about a heart breaker. You did a good job describing this. I like the unique perspective on this topic.

Overall I really enjoyed this. Keep writing! :)



There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside of you.
— Maya Angelou