I don't really remember you.
I don't know that I would want to,
just something about hurricanes
and raindrops building up
that I want to forget.
I don't like surprises from my disappointments
so I know exactly how many drops it takes to drown,
I don't trust any storm clouds,
so I know exactly how many steps it takes to leave,
how long to flood the creek.
And I tend to forget.
I don't really remember you.
No, I'm not sayin that I would want to,
just something about hurricanes
and raindrops building up
that I'm trying to forget.
I remember that day by the fire
you said you were in love,
always sayin way too much,
when I couldn't say enough.
I'm worried I'll never be enough.
I don't like surprises from my disappointments
so I know exactly how many drops it takes to drown
I don't trust any storm clouds,
so I know exactly how many steps it takes to leave,
how long to flood the creek.
And I tend to forget, right before the storm hits.
I don't really remember you.
Oh, I don't know that I would want to,
you're just a hurricane
and some raindrops building up
that I'm gonna forget;
that I'm gonna forget.
SONG RECORDING LINK: https://vocaroo.com/1iursZFbmuHo (Hey here's the song recording! I am very amateur at ukelele so don't worry about critiquing that ~ give it a listen if you like, replaced initial recording because the music was so much louder than the singing it was a bit hard to hear. )
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Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
Hey, alliyah!
Has nervous panic againI read it and listened simultaneously, and...
Your voice is AMAZING. I didn't know you sing! It's high and sweet, kinda like birdsong. That aside, the music - which was also lovely - is a tad bit too loud. At some points, I couldn't actually make out what you were saying at all, I had to read to follow.
Beautiful. This line is by far my favourite. I could say I'm drowning in it, haha.
Along with the music, this is such a gorgeous little piece; it's soft and sad, and lyrics aside, the melancholic rhythm and tune together make me think of rain. Aaaaaaaah, I can't explain this properly. It's-just-like-rain. If rain had a song, this would be it. There. Is that clear?
I don't have any criticisms other than the sound issue. This is amazing and you made my day.
Well, night, actually.
- Lee
This was really sweet & encouraging, thank you! And that's my favorite line too, I originally had an extra verse about sailing to kinda bring the water motifs together, but took it out to simplify the song so I'm glad it still made sense together.
And yep! I agree at some point I should try to record / sing separately so I can adjust volume level.
Hi @alliyah ,
I think you have wrote a very good poem.
I agree with @chrisdixon on the mistakes but overall it was very good and illuminating.
Divyansh
Hi! I’m just here for a small review, it’s that I really like this song and I look forward to more of your work!
thanks!
Hi @alliyah! I'm here for a quick review. I think this is my first time reviewing your work. As you probably know I'm not a better poet then you and neither a singer, I apologize I'm not really an experienced reviewer and I am the most helpful reviewer, but I will try.
I love reading your song, it's really beautiful. It doesn't use just big expressions but small tickling wonderful words to describe. I love how you sing it also. I was quite impressed listening to the music it was more beautiful and more unique than just reading it.
There's one thing I would like to mention before the suggestions, your voice was very hard to hear and I don't know if it's my sound problem, but I could hear the uke, unfortunately not you.
Okay, I know it's a song but wouldn't it be better with "if" instead of "that". Maybe, maybe not, it's only a suggestion.
But if you are changing "that" to "if" you probably should add something before or after "I"
[quote]I don't like surprises from my disappointments
so I know exactly how many drops it takes to drown
I don't trust any storm clouds,
so I know exactly how many steps it takes to leave,
how long to flood the creek,
and I tend to forget.[quote]
It's a song so it might be okay, but I thought maybe you should use something other than "so" to connect the stanzas.
I really loved the time reading this poem/son and would love to read more of your writings!
You made my day!
Keep on writing!
Best wishes,
Chris
I don't know why the quote marks aren't working. Please tell me if you know why. Sorry.
Have a nice day!
The second time you used the quote code, you forgot the slash: /quote
Thanks Chris!
[/quote] I think I didn't know two of those are different. Thank you @LittleLee.
You're welcome! @alliyah
Both of you,
Have a wonderful day!