Young Writers Society

Hey Roman here to review your work

This piece is beautiful,
It's emotive and captivating in the sense that you have strayed away from stereotypical love poems and kind of approached this with a wider perspective. I love how this poem is open to interpretation which can depend on how the reader feels whether they grasp this concept as they are infatuated with their bestfriend or simply delivering tips so that their bestfriend is cared for in ways they deserve.

This poem flowed extremely well and was light on the lips when read out loud, it truly captures raw emotion and talent in its words.

The thing that really stumped me was the line "She doesn't admit" I understand where you were trying to take this line but perhaps replacing this with a phrase that makes it seem as if she doesn't believe that she is worth more than she leads on, or that she doesn't accept how amazing she is.

I like the description in her 'eye bags' it really allows the reader to picture this tired night owl girl with dark puffy eyes.

Other than that this poem is beautifully written and I look forward to reading more of your work.

Roman @ovrd0se

Hello there, Luata here to write a review. As I've been telling everyone else that I've reviewed thus far, please be patient with me, it's been a while since I've been in the habit of reviewing works and I'm still playing with my format to figure out what is the most effective. Again, as I have also stated before (not sure if I've ever reviewed anything of yours), my opinions come from my personal aesthetic for poetry and because you are the author, don't let anyone else dull your sparkle. Feel free to use my suggestions, contest them, or ignore them as you see fit.
Onward and upward, eh? Let's begin.

Overview

Overall, I really liked the concept of this poem. It had a really nice flow and was enjoyable to read. I have to admit, when I saw your title, I was originally expected a really cliche piece and it was a very pleasant surprise when I read it. Incredible job putting a unique spin on it. I couldn't find many complaints, but the few I have will be addressed in a lower section.

Flow

As I mentioned above, I thought the flow of your poem was very nice. I enjoy reading poetry out loud and this one was a pleasure.

She doesn’t admit,

Your Lover isn’t someone known for making first moves

This is Nikayla here for a review!

So this was an interesting perspective for a love or romance related poem. I always find it interesting when the speaker is something more than just the author themselves or when the speaker is in interesting relations to the rest of the people involved in the poem. In this case, we see that this is written to the significant other of the speaker's best friend. The one thing that I did want to touch on is that this point of view may be a little confusing to some at first though I didn't really find it to be that way. I first assumed that it would turn out to be like one of the poems where the speaker has a crush on someone but that someone has a crush on someone else, and in this case, it could've been the motive of the speaker, but it's never really quite said.

I say this because it almost seems that the speaker loves their best friend in a romantic way though it could just be platonically. I hope it's the latter because in that case, it makes for a heart-warming and powerful poem where the message is better received. The first stanza doesn't really do all that much other than set up the poem. I would have liked to see more imagery with the best friend being a gem in the rubble, such as their luster not being as strong.

The second stanza didn't really do as much new and it falls into the standard sort of romance poem feel. The connection between the first and second stanza could be stronger. I have to say that the strongest stanza has to be the last because of the imagery with the eye-bags. I suggest that you expand on this, are they eye-bags the best friend has been carrying around all their life like luggage? Are they almost rings around her eyes, showing age like the stumps of trees do? Expand and experiment with this, it's a worthwhile one.

I hope I helped and have a great day!