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A Letter To Myself

by alexblackwell

Dear 15 year old me,

This is how life is meant to be,

It will be crazy,

But 20 years later, it'll all be hazy.

You'll write your boards this year,

and I really hope you overcome your fears,

Though at times it may leave you in tears,

You know you'll shoot high like a spear.

The poem ends but not your story,

being the only one who knows you're afraid is bravery,

Life is tough but so are you,

now it's time to bid you adieu.

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Points: 43
Reviews: 6

Wed Jan 11, 2017 8:45 pm
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insane wrote a review...

Hi Insane here!
I`m going to keep it nice and short since previous reviews have made multiple constructive points. I like that you have a rhyme scheme, it's very rare to see poetry now that rhymes the whole way through. I commend you for being able to write sensible rhymes aswell.

I love how you are able to convey such sincere emotion in the way you write and you are obviously very talented at that. Because you have such good ideas and eloquence I think maybe looking at doing a poem without rhymes may make your work seem more mature. Mainly for the reasons that one, when writing the poem you can convey more raw emotion because you are not looking to finish the line off with a specific word or rhyme, and two rhyming poems sometimes read a bit junior schoolish!
This is definitely not a criticism;the way you write is amazing and reading your work is really enjoyable but I`d love to see you do a poem with no rhymes in it because you obviously have talent at empathetic poetry! I especially love the line `The poem ends but not your story`Keep writing I look forward to reading your next work!

Thank you Insane! Positive critics are always welcome!

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44 Reviews

Points: 1454
Reviews: 44

Tue Jan 10, 2017 2:10 pm
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CharlotteS wrote a review...

I loved this. It is unusual these days for me to find poetry that rhymes, so this was right up my street. I like how you laid the poem out and the language you used. I love how you begin, how you explain how the teen years will be. You have captured to perfection what it is like. You are very talented, I can sense the emotion in this and it hit me deep down. I have been trying to find writing other than my own to display what the teen years are like and I think I may have just found it. You have explained beautifully what the teen years are like and have expressed yourself wonderfully. I enjoyed reading this and hope to read more from you in the future.

Thank you!!! I really appreciate your time and review! Glad you liked the poem!

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1091 Reviews

Points: 17626
Reviews: 1091

Tue Jan 10, 2017 1:57 am
niteowl wrote a review...

Hi there alex! Niteowl here to review this poem.

The concept of writing to yourself at a certain age isn't a new one, but it's one that always has potential. I know as a 26-year-old, there's so many things I'd love to say to my past self.

However, I feel like the execution of this concept is getting held back by a few things. One is the forced rhyming, which a previous reviewer mentioned. Rhyme is one of those devices that can work really well with a poem, but if it's not well done with great care taken to word choice and meter, it often flops. I would seriously consider reworking this in free verse.

Another problem I see is the lack of specificity. There's one line about "writing boards" (which seems strange to me. As an American I see that phrase as referring to exams people take to become things like lawyers/doctors. But that could be cultural, so take that with a grain of salt), but other than that just some vague stuff about facing your fears. Which is vague because everyone has fears, so I don't get any real information about the speaker.

If I was writing to myself in the past, I would include more specific advice so the reader gets a better sense of who I am/was. I might say, for example "Try to be friends with people outside your core groups" as I wasn't a very social person in high school. I might also say not to assume that people are "dumb" as I had a terrible habit of deciding people were beneath me if they were less intelligent in my opinion. If I was trying to make this a poem, I might include specific imagery, like "don't ignore the person trying to start a conversation on the bus". Adding more imagery and specificity makes the piece more interesting.

Overall, this is a cool idea, but I would flesh it out and ditch the rhyming. Keep writing! :D

Hey niteowl!
I rally have problems with writing poems that are free in verse. Somehow, they are not satisfying to me.
Yes, boards and exams in India.
Also, I was writing to my present self, so I could not make specific scenes.
Thank you for reviewing my poem! I will try to rectify my errors.

niteowl says...

Writing to your present self? That's interesting, though I feel like it's hard to have that kind of insight into yourself now that you will have in the future. I still think it could be more specific.

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20 Reviews

Points: 115
Reviews: 20

Mon Jan 09, 2017 5:29 pm
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RossiRainCloud wrote a review...

WOW! WOW!!! I could not take my eyes off it, this is Golden Arrow and you are GREAT!! awesome job with your POEM!! LIKE>>>>WOW!!!!!!! your riming and, and you choice of words, just, OMG this is incredible!
and I like how you rimed it, I find some poems ware people don't even rime then they just write,
but this is AMAZING!!! AMAZING! AMAZING!!!! you have a true talent so don't stop writing and keep up the amazing work :D have a wonderful day!

Thank you for reviewing! I am glad you liked my poem.

YES!!!!! its amazing!!

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44 Reviews

Points: 0
Reviews: 44

Mon Jan 09, 2017 4:05 pm
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Rosella wrote a review...

Hi there! Deeproses here for a little review.

Imma start off by saying the good things about this poem before getting into the critiquing.

The meaning of this poem is a wonderful idea, you are either writing to your past self or your present self for the future. Either way, I like your idea for this poem. It was creative and I haven't seen many poems like this throughout my reading of poems. I also liked how you combined the ideas with a poem instead of a lengthy paragraph formation.

Now to the critiquing!

-- Throughout the poem, I mainly noticed the rhyming. Although I think it fit the style of poetry you were writing, some of it was forced... a bit too forced. Not only is it forced in some spots, it is not consistent.
-- The capitalization is all over the place. Some of the lines start off capitalize and some aren't. It is not needed to capitalize it, it mainly depends on your choice of style. Though, right now, it is not constant. I think it is best to follow the capitalization along with where the sentence is when you break it.
-- I think this poem could have been longer? Just seems like you are missing a lot of emotions and depth.
-- Word choice is not too bad, i think the simplicity of words fits, since you are talking to your 15 year old self so it is not expected to have a huge vocabulary.

Overall, I liked the concept of this poem. But I do suggest you improving simple grammatical errors and formatting.

I hope this helped a bit! Have a good day :)

Thank you for reviewing! I will keep the errors in mind.

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59 Reviews

Points: 5328
Reviews: 59

Mon Jan 09, 2017 12:06 pm
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PusheenTheCat wrote a review...

._. this story just made me go crazy on the inside everything was put together so well. I would like to say a few things about this story before I go on to the next. First I would like to say that every single part of this story is so correct and to you it might be the right thing for the whole world. Now I am going by 3 lines.

"'Dear 15 year old me,
This is how life is meant to be,
It will be crazy,"' I would say that this is a really good start to your poems and that you could tell that you were wanting everything to start here and then move on to the next one.

"'But 20 years later, it'll all be hazy.
You'll write your boards this year,
and I really hope you overcome your fears,"' This also goes with the way that everything was supposed to go making it rhyme is what I am wanting to hear. Also when you say "'But 20 years later, it'll all be hazy."' I really don't get what you are saying here if you could tell me when you respond.

"'Though at times it may leave you in tears,
You know you'll shoot high like a spear.
The poem ends but not your story,"' This is a part that I really don't get but I really think that it was meant to be a big part in your story.

Last one's,
"'being the only one who knows you're afraid is bravery,
Life is tough but so are you,
now it's time to bid you adieu."' I really like the ending of this it is telling me that you could hold off even thought life is hard you are stronger than it and you could pull through.

Thanks for writing this story and hope that you have more story's in the future.

Hey PusheenTheCat,
I think you didn't understand the "Boards' line. I am from India and, we have call out grade 10 and 12 as 'boards'. These are supposed to be really Important; get you into college and jobs.
Overcoming my fears is going to be a hard part, I will give up, cry and be broken. But when I do get over it, I will reach heights.

Thank you for reviewing!

The words you speak become the house you live in.
— Hafiz