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141,404 Literary Works • 674,390 Reviews
Hey there! I haven't reviewed anything in awhile, so forgive me, I'm a little rusty.
My God. The first part of this poem is pretty much how I'm feeling right now. The detail's good and I like the way you worded it. Awesome.
I also liked the second part. The imagery is awesome, and the fact that you repeated the first two lines of the second stanza made it really powerful.
But, something that really bothered me about this poem was that you switched points of view in the middle.
It confused me a little at first, and I thought it was two poems instead of one. Pick either first or third person and stick with it.
Other than that, this poem was really great and I liked it.
Hey, Alabaster! I'm Rose, and I'll be reviewing this piece today.
First off, this is a very nice poem. There was one little detail in particular that I feel was absolutely brilliant.
I read so many poems where the author's expressing how he or she did everything possible to stop the person from leaving; sometimes I'm like, is this person human? Where do they get their courage from? This one was refreshing because it's believable. I totally identify with how you begged the person to stay but didn't actually voice your opinion and kept it inside. It's real, and I really appreciate it.
Going on into the rest of the poem, I wasn't as impressed about it as I was by the beginning. Perhaps that's because I adored the beginning so much.
In my opinion, this is just good. It's missing something. Perhaps if you worded it a little more uniquely, I would be as impressed by it as by the opening two lines of your poem. I'm not saying it's bad, I'm just saying that it's not incredible.
In future works, I hope you'll include more details like the one at the beginning of this piece. It was awesome.
All in all, great work!
Always keep writing!
-Rose
Hey Wolf! Dogs here with your review today! INTENSE POEM! Jammed full of strong emotion which is excellent! I really love that and my absolute favorite part of the poem is in this line right here:
"Bloody flowers of the year,
means she's lost it once more."
FANTASTIC! I love this part soooooooooo much, In my poems most of my characters seemed to get hanged... you cut their throats. Annnyyywho! This poem has a lot of strong imagery in there which is great, but it is lacking a larger variety of vocab which can be a huge contributing factor to making a poem good and FREKAN AMAZING! You use a lot of simple words over and over again. I would suggest you take some of these simple words and look them up in a thesaurus and choose a better word from the list. It makes your poem sound a lot better.
Also, when you take us into the "field of flowers" describe the field to us! What color are the flowers? What do they smell like? What do they sound like? What do the feel like? How does this all make the girl feel? Answering some of these questions will add so much more depth to your poem and your character.
All and all this was a really good piece and i really liked it. Keep up the good work!!!!
TuckEr EllsworTh