I have asked you to stay...
But never out loud.
You said you would have to leave,
I cried for days.
Not wanting you out of my sight,
not wanting you to go, into a land of death.
Into a land you may not,
come back to my arms.
You told me over the phone,
I wish you told me in person.
But now you are gone...
Not to be seen,
you left before...
I was able to tell you,
how much I care...
How much I love you.
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141,399 Literary Works • 674,387 Reviews
I liked the emotion in it, but the part where he said "Into a land you may not, come back to my arms." sounded strange even though I understand what he is saying. Maybe he could say "Into a land you may not come return from" and then say "come back into my arms". Tell your boyfriend to have more confidence in his writing. It takes a strong person, male or female, to write how they feel on paper for everyone to see. Good job : )
I liked that poem because it sounds like of my stuff. It was pretty good. But I agree a little with the person above me. It could have been a little more dramatic, if not just for fun. Still, it was good.
I would review this poem but you didnt write it so I dont see the point. the poem didnt really say where the girl was going or how long they've been together so if that had been clarifyed it would have had depth and feeling which would have made it way better. :]
This was written by my boyfriend, Im proving that his poems are great! Please leave comments and advice!