Hey-yo! Here's chapter five of Hidden Truths, Brazen Lies for all you faithful novel readers! For those of you who are just reviewing this chapter, here's a super short synopsis of what's happened so far. (I just whipped this up, so I hope it's sufficient)
"Brinxlee Kaye was on a journey, one that she hoped would fulfill her dying father's final wishes. Her desire was to sketch the country outside her town walls, or at least parts of it, for her father. But things take a drastic turn when a city is destroyed by the murderous Ronan Payne, and Brinxlee finds herself in company with a pirate named Morgan who has convinced Bri to help get her ship, the Black Swan, back from several of Ronan's old crew. On their journey, they are joined by Mablevi, an old friend of Morgan's, and enter into the dangerous village of Bomani, where Morgan hopes to track down her ship. The village is populated mainly with mercenaries and rogue warriors, which cause some problems for the travelers, but they are saved from a potentially deadly encounter by Akilah, a fiesty old woman who offers them shelter, as well as offering to train Brinxlee in the art of combat, as she was once a warrior herself. Now Brinxlee is in a battle of the wills. With a destructive villain on the loose, a dying father, and an obligation to help Morgan regain her beloved ship, she is torn with what to do. Why was it her who was pulled into this horrid mess? For now, that is a mystery."
Characters:
Bri (Brinxlee’s nickname) - Gaelic/Irish - “high, noble, exalted” or “strong”
Kaye - English- “keeper of the keys"
Morgan - Celtic - “lives by the sea”
Hasani - African “handsome”
Mablevi- (pronounced ma-ble-vi) - African - “do not deceive”
Akilah - (pronounced ah-kee-lah) - Arabic - “bright, intelligent”
Chapter Five
Sunlight streamed in through a narrow window, casting a long beam of light across my face. My eyes open slowly and I blink, yawning lazily. My hand runs across the rough wooden floor as I collect my thoughts, trying to determine where I am. Then the events of yesterday came flooding back to me: the long journey, almost getting killed by bitter mercenaries, and the strange woman known as Akilah, who was supposed to train me. Something in the pit of my stomach sank as I thought about training to fight. I hated fighting. If anything, I'd rather heal wounds than inflict them. However, I couldn't help but realize that I needed to learn how to fight if I was going to help Morgan.
I turned over slowly, my nose twitching at the smell of baking fish. I hadn't quite gotten over the overwhelming salt air of the port city, and so the very smell of fish made me nauseous. Akilah stood over the fire, her short frame bent over a sizzling pan. Without looking at me, she spoke softly.
“Nice to see you're up. Come over here and lend these old bones a hand.”
I shuffled over the wood floor, running a hand through my tangled hair. I carefully picked up the pan she was pointing to, pulling it from the fire and setting the hot iron on the table. Without warning, I felt a hand running through my hair and a soft tsk.
“You have beautiful brown hair, but you should take better care of it.” Akilah held my hair out, peering at it. She grabbed the ends of my hair and showed it to me.
“Tcha, look at this! Messy and tangled. Were you raised in a cave?”
“I haven't exactly been thinking about my hair, ma'am, since I've been running from people who want to kill me.” I murmured, still feeling grumpy and groggy. Akilah dropped my hair, shaking her head again and bustling towards the hut door.
“A woman warrior should never neglect her appearance. Well, shall we go?”
“Now? I haven't even had breakfast yet!” I complained. Akilah heaved a short sigh, her wrinkled face setting into a scowl.
“We leave now, or I won't teach you.” Without another word, she opened the hut door.
“Oh, and grab your cloak, darling. You'll need it.” Her crooked teeth gleamed in a smile.
I snatched my cloak, staring around the hut floor, where Mablevi slept, snoring loudly with a small knife clasped near his chest. Morgan was sitting with her back against the wall, rhythmically sharpening her favorite dagger, her eyes fixated on her work. She hardly even glanced up as the door shut behind us.
“Are you sure it's safe?” I muttered as we stole out of the hut.
“Do you doubt me? Tcha, young people these days. Always disrespecting their elders.” I bit my lip.
“I'm sorry… I didn't mean to disrespect you. I was just worried about those mercenaries. “
“Oh, they're no real harm. Not if you show them who's in charge.” My eyes widened as I chuckled.
“And how exactly do you do that?”
“Ah, I have my own ways. The only language they understand is violence. Tcha, and when they trod on my toes, they're sure to get it.” She giggled, her green eyes glinting mischievously.
Even though I'd only known this old woman for barely over half a day, I could tell that she was strong, not so much in body as in spirit. She was brave, tough, and unafraid, much like Morgan. Like Morgan… But not like me. Perhaps Akilah could help me learn to change that. We moved through the village quietly. The streets were empty, with the exception of a few lower-class men scurrying through the streets.
“Probably going to their farms. They're too afraid to walk on these streets when the mercenaries are around. Too dangerous for the weaker ones.” Akilah explained in a hushed tone. I began to understand why people stayed away from this village. Except for Akilah, anyone who prospered in Bomani had to be tough and ruthless. The rest were at the whim of the stronger classes.
After a few minutes, we broke through the edge of the village, heading down another steep incline to a high-walled area, which was covered from view. A small wooden door was set in the stone wall, and Akilah walked straight to it, her lips moving as she mumbled to herself, fingers pressing on the door. Several seconds later, the door swung open and she stepped aside, motioning for me to go in. I stepped through the entrance, stopping suddenly. Akilah chuckled.
“Welcome to the warrior's paradise.”
My jaw hung slack in awe. Even though I was no fighter, I understood most of what lay before me. A rope course hung above us, with two lines of rope allowing for exit and entrance. There was a swordplay court, archery range, and some strange pit that I wasn't familiar with. I pointed to it and opened my mouth to speak, but Akilah cut me off.
“That pit is used to help someone overcome their fear. Most of the time it's filled with snakes or scorpions. Luckily, it's empty right now.”
Her slender finger pointed to a roped-off area.
“Hand-to-hand combat arena. That is where we will start today. Get ready.” I hesitated for a moment.
“Are you going to be fighting me??” Her emerald eyes rested on me and she laughed quietly.
“No, of course not! I wish I could, but I'm a bit too old for that. No, I've asked someone else to help you in that area.” The door creaked open and Mablevi's face poked around, grinning at me.
“Is she prepared to fight, oh great and powerful master?” Mablevi bowed low to the ground. Akilah scoffed.
“If you mock me again, Mab, you'll find yourself skipping down the mountain side on your behind! Now get in the arena.” Mab already was pulling off his shoes, so I did the same.
He slung an arm over my shoulders as we ducked under the area ropes.
“If you promise to take it easy with me, I'll attempt to do the same. Now put these on.” He handed two long strips of cloth to me, indicating that I wrap them around my hands. I carefully wound them around my knuckles. I had to restart a few times, but I finally had my hands covered to his satisfaction. I flexed my hands and bare feet, shuffling in the loose dirt. Mab cleared his throat.
“All right now, first lesson for today. When you fight, the first thing to remember is balance. If you stay balanced and focused, the enemy will have a harder time catching you off guard. Dance around a little bit and get a feel for your personal balance.” For the next hour, we went back and forth, working on exercises and techniques.
“You have impeccable balance, Bri! You seem to focus well too. That is an invaluable asset in combat. I've shown you some foundations for fighting. Now you need to learn how to fight. One of the best things to know how to do is immobilize your attacker. Get them under your control so they can't harm you or anyone else.” Without warning, Mab grabbed my hand, twisting it deftly and sending my body crashing to the ground in pain. He released my wrist, pulling me up.
“Like that. If the attacker is on the ground, you have a much larger advantage.”
We practiced for two more hours, him showing me techniques for immobilizing the wrist, arm, and leg. My head started to swim with all the information, but I started to feel like I might be getting some of it. Finally, just at noon, Akilah called a halt to the grueling exercise.
“Very good, Brinxlee! Take a rest in the shade there, eat some food, and we'll start on using a bow and arrows.” I plopped down on a patch of grass next to the wall, leaning my head against the warm stones. The air had grown hotter under the sweltering sun, but the shadows of the rope course above provided temporary relief.
I reached into one of the bags, searching about for a moment until I found a small loaf of bread, along with a thick slab of cooked meat wrapped in a cloth. I guessed the meat was probably eki. I took a careful bite, chewing slowly. The meat was savory, but had a bitter taste to it, probably from something the creature ate before it was killed. At that moment, however, I was too hungry to care. Wiping sweat from his brow, Mab sat down next to me, smiling.
“You did very well today. I realize it is a lot of information to process, but you are doing fantastically. Don't worry; we'll keep reviewing these things until you're sick of them.” I smiled back at him, but my stomach still felt like it was in knots. Mab noticed my worried face.
“Ah, might I guess that you're worried about this mission of yours? This journey will not be easy, not even for the bold Morgan. As determined as she is, she still is led on by revenge. It is imperative that you don't allow yourself to let hate and revenge run your actions. But I suppose you have your own reasonings for embarking on such a tedious journey, correct?”
“I guess so… I haven't been able to get Beckenham out of my mind… Families torn apart by those murderers. All that pain and agony...” I paused, biting my lip to hold back a sob. Mab gently put an arm over my shoulder.
“You have seen a lot of pain, Bri. Anyone who saw that would feel justified anger. But you feel fear for your family more than anything, don't you?”
I stared hard at him.
“How do you know that??”
“I overheard you discussing it with Akilah late last night. Apologizes, I really didn't intend to eavesdrop, but I couldn't seem to fall asleep.”
“It's fine. I suppose anyone who's around me could figure out that I'm scared of a lot of things.”
“Well, I can tell you one individual you should be fearing, and that's the aged tyrant over there holding a bow.” I glanced up to see Akilah beckoning me over. She glared pointedly at Mablevi.
“Aged tyrant? Tcha, you cheeky boy. I should have never taught you.” I glanced back and forth I between them, confusion etched into my face.
“You taught him?”
“Ah, his family used to live in this village. His parents sent him to me for disciplinary action. He wouldn't stop fighting with his family and others, and he was extremely stubborn, so they became desperate.” She paused, chuckling at her own story before continuing.
“Poor little boy was fourteen when he came to me, but he was fiesty. Disrespectful to everyone and stubborn as the day is long. The first thing I did was take him into the arena. He came out with a twisted ankle and bloody lip, but he stopped being so disrespectful. Ah, but it was obvious to me that he had talent in fighting, so I arranged with his parents for me to train him. Look at him now… a strong, handsome roving warrior. He's now better at hand-to-hand combat than I ever was.”
Mab only rolled his eyes and walked towards the gate.
“I'll be here tomorrow, Bri, and we can begin working on what I learned during the torture sessions from her royal majesty: speed and agility.” Akilah's jaw was set determinately as she thrust a bow at me and put four arrows in my palm.
“Shoot the target.” she commanded. I gnawed on my lip, testing the bow string. When I was little, one of my father's friends let me try shooting a bow, which was designed for children. This bow was nothing like that. It was tall and taut, made with sleek dark wood. I fitted an arrow to the bow and gazed down the shaft. The target seemed so far away. I finally drew back the string and held my breath, closing my eyes. I tried to envision the target in my mind, and left go of the string. In a moment, the shaft left the bow and I heard a whistling through the air and then a thud.
I opened my eyes, the first thing meeting my sight being the empty bow. I gazed down to the target I had been aiming for and saw the arrow, stuck almost dead center in the target. Akilah's eyes shone as her face split into a grin.
“Your form leaves much to be desired, but your aim is amazing! Shoot another one!” I fitted the other shaft and aimed for a different target. The arrow flew through the air and whacked straight into the target, a little right of the center. The only sound that came from Akilah's throat was a delighted squeak. She handed me arrow after arrow, and I sent all of them thudding into the target, hardly varying from a few inches from the center. Finally the arrows ran out and Akilah looked at me.
“Very good work. Now let's work on that posture.” Her hands carefully directed my arms up into position. The bow started to feel heavy in my arms, but finally it was in a satisfactory position for the aged woman. She gathered all the arrows out of the target and set them down on the ground, launching into a detailed lecture on posture, firing, gathering, and so many other fighting terms that I started to lose track. Most of what she said sailed over my head, but I tried to gather what I could. Almost an hour went by before she finally let me pick up an arrow again, but she tweaked my posture almost every minute.
“You're letting your arms sag too much. At this rate, you'll be shooting your own foot.” “Don't let your feet come together! You have to stay balanced in order to shoot properly.” “Breathe deeply.” “Not that deeply!” After another hour of lecture and posture tweaking, the lesson was over. Akilah motioned for me to gather my belongings and put everything back in place, while she carefully polished and cleaned the arrows and bow, placing them back into a hidden storage area.
“Why does that need to be hidden?”
“So they don't get broken or stolen by any clods who stumble in here.” She scooped up a bag, scooting me out the door.
I paused for a moment, looking around the landscape.
“Do we have a few minutes?” I asked, pulling out my sketchbook, which I had packed in my bag. Akilah nodded, and I sat down beside the gate, studying the sharp rises and declines of the cliffs and rocky hills. Every detail seemed to jump out at me. My charcoal pencil danced across the page, the sketch seeming to draw itself. Akilah continued to bustle around inside.
After a time, she came to the entrance and scooted me out of the way of the gate, swinging it closed and locking it.
“We had better get going. The hunting parties will be back in soon.” she said. I quickly drew the lines for the largest cliff as Akilah started walking towards the village. I stuffed the book back into the bag, hurrying to catch up with her.
“What's the rush to get back?”
“The fishers went along with the hunting party and their best fish get snatched up very quickly in the market. Also, I want to make sure Mablevi and Morgan haven't done anything stupid. Ah, well, mainly Mablevi.” She smirked, quickening her pace even more.
We came back through the village line and towards the hut just before the hunting party came in. This time, many of them were singing a rambunctious sea man's song. Although some of the voices were brash and off-key, the song blended well with the stomping of booted feet. We ducked into the hut, closing the door behind us. Morgan sat in rapt attention, listening to the song as she murmured.
“Reminds me of those good ol' days at the port cities, hearing those choruses from every ship, bouncing back and forth from bow to stern.” A glimmer of a tear appeared in Morgan's eye, and I bent down, peering at her mournful face.
“Morgan, are you...” Her face snapped back to its usual half-smirk state.
“I have no idea what you're talking about, Brinx.” She stood up from the chair, pacing to the other side of the hut.
“I need to get out! Why is this village so far from the water?”
“That's because we don't care for the sea as much as you water seals.” Akilah chimed in, plunking down in her chair. She groaned,
“Ah, these old bones don't do so well with long walks.” She closed her eyes, almost immediately drifting off to sleep.
Morgan motioned towards the door as she said,
“Let's go out for a walk. I need some air.” I followed her out, leaving Mablevi behind to clean up the food mess from their lunch. He very happily obliged, munching on any remaining morsels from the table.
The warm air outside was much more friendly than that of the dusty arena, with soft hints of flowers and herbs sweeping through the air. Morgan stayed silent for a while, staring at her dust that rose up under her boots. She finally spoke.
“I'm sorry about dragging you into this. I understand if you don't want to help me. You've been through a lot already, and I know you have that dream to achieve for your father.”
I put a hand on her shoulder.
“It's all right. I know I have to do something against these thieves, and that includes helping you track down the ones that took your ship.” She smiled back at me and grasped my arm.
“Thanks...”
“Oh, apparently I'm a good shot with a bow.” I said proudly. Morgan's eyes widened.
“Really? That's wonderful! I've always been a bad shot. Swords are my specialty. Anything with a blade is my forte.” An angry shout rang out behind us.
“Get that brunette! She's the thief!”
“Err, which one?”
“Mud-brain, that one's got black hair. Just grab 'em both.” A third voice chimed in. We both spun around at the same time. Three men stood in front of us, one with his arms crossed and two holding swords, leering at us.
“That younger one has a bag on her shoulder. She's got'ta have your maps, boss.” The first one said. A burly man elbowed his way forward, his face horribly disfigured by deep scars. His nose was flat like a snout, and one eyes was glassed over. A deep growl came from his throat as he fixed his good eye on us.
“Grab them.” The man's voice was quiet, but ice cold. Morgan and I stared at each other. Her lips barely moved as she spoke.
“Are you thinking what I'm thinking?”
“Probably, but I don't know if it's a good idea...” I murmured back. A snarl came from the men as they charged towards us. Morgan seized my arm tightly, yanking me backwards as she yelled.
“Run!!”
End of chapter
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Hey there! Thought I'd drop by and review this chapter.
Firstly, thanks for the summary! That was really helpful since I haven't read the previous chapters.
One of the first things I noticed is that your first paragraph of story, where she's waking up, is in present tense, but the whole rest of the story is past tense. I'm guessing you decided to change halfway through but forgot to fix that paragraph? I don't know, but be careful about your tenses.
I like Bri and I like how the different characters interact. I particularly like Morgan because of her plain bluntness and drive. I'm surprised Bri is so eager to help Morgan track down her ship - I think it shows a fascinating depth to her character.
Something I'm surprised about is why on earth there's a big training ground in this town, when your summary said it was filled with rogues and mercenaries. It just doesn't seem the type of place that would have the money or the, well, cooperation to train people like this. But especially the money - this is a pretty elaborate setup and I'm surprised it hasn't been overrun by thieves carrying off all the equipment.
One thing I wasn't a fan of, especially at first, was Akilah's character. Her dialogue especially is really stereotypical of the "wise old warrior woman mentor". Now, I love a good "wise mentor" archetype character, and so I'm not saying you should completely overhaul her, but the cliches in her dialogue (and in Bri's responses as she's pushed into training) were laid on pretty thick in this chapter. Ask yourself - what about your characters will make this training scene different from every other scene? Then emphasize that.
Okay, so maybe this has more to do with Akilah wanting to make sure Bri builds good habits and the right muscles or something, but I've been to an archery range and I've shot old-fashioned recurve bows. The posture is not that complicated - body in line with the target, the elbow holding bow slightly bent so you don't get hit by the string when you release (trust me, that leaves some nice bruises), feet shoulder width apart, and really that's it. It's having the arm strength to pull the (usually anywhere from 40-100 pounds) draw weight over and over again that's tricky. That takes time and muscles. And the other half of it is aiming, which takes a ton of practice, and I'm not really ready to accept that she's this good at aiming (consistently, under pressure) with no practice. Not unless she has some reason to be good at it, like she's been using a slingshot for years or something.
Sorry for being nitpicky about the training, but I think it's always good to make these things as realistic as possible.
I feel like most of this has been rather critical, so I'll reiterate - your strength here is in each individual character's motivations and goals. Where they're clear and unique (with Morgan, Bri, and to some extent Mab) your chapter shines.
And that's all I've got for you today!
Hello ajruby!
This is rosette here for a hopefully quick review.
I appreciate your summary at the beginning. Most of the time I hate reviewing chapters of novels because I have no idea what's going on, but yay, I actually am aware of the plot here.
The character of Bri seems particularly strong to me. I'm really liking her.
I thought this little nugget of information into who she is was especially enlightening. It really gave me an idea into her soft and sweet character. She's not a fighter in the sense of Morgan and Akilah, but there is this certain strength about her shown in her perseverance of training.
Your plot moved along very nicely and smoothly, and I enjoyed that whole section of the training. You repeatedly mention how a lot of this information flew over Bri's head, but I'm wondering about the physical effect it had on her. Like, was she tiring out quick? Getting sore? Any throbbing muscles?
I also didn't understand how she hit the target dead-on with her eyes closed. I don't even see professional archers do that. She's got some skill, man.
You told us a lot of the info Bri was being thrown went flying over her head because they were shooting way too much at her. You told us. We didn't actually see them telling her this stuff, so I appreciated this explosion of words from Akilah on posture. xD That old woman cracks me up.
But a port city is near the water. ???
The setting of this village is confusing me.
This amused me, because Akilah wants to get some fish so hurry, hurry, hurry, but once they do get back, she promptly takes a nap. I'm not sure if you purposely did that or not.
In your summary at the beginning you say Morgan was a pirate who lost her ship. And she does sort of seem like a pirate throughout this: impatient and sharp. That's why I thought something seemed off when she yelled "Run!!" at the end. She's a pirate. She shouldn't be afraid of some burly old guys falsely accusing them. Unless she really was a thief...
But, even then. Something seemed off there.
Anyhow. This was an interesting read, and I hope you finish the story. I'm interested in what will happen next, and I wish you good luck on future works.
Have an awesome day!
-rosette