Depression, Depression, Depression,
My mind screams!
Depression, Depression, Depression,
The cold metal gleams.
Depression, Depression, Depression,
The contents of the bottle whine "Swallow Me!"
Depression, Depression, Depression,
The Bye Bye letters beam.
Depression, Depression, Depression,
The pills slide down my throat with ease.
Depression, one, Depression, two, Depression, thre-...
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140,177 Literary Works • 673,034 Reviews
Hey there! Scarlet here for a review, man it's been a while since I've bothered reviewing. Anyhow I can't guarantee the accuracy of my reviews but I'll do my best.
Nitpicks first...frankly not that many with this one.
The only thing I have to say about this is that the second 'Bye' I feel shouldn't be capitalized.
That's about it, this poem reminds me of when I was really ill with depression. I can always remember it as a pounding headache, even If I didn't have one that's what it was like if that makes sense.
Great work, high five!
xD thanks and the nitpick, I meant to have to byes because it brings kind of a chill story kind of feel into, at least to me it does but still thank you so much! ~The Written Girl
I love it. It tells a really emotional story, but in a creative and exciting way. The way you right is really nice and I would like to see more like this.
The only thing I would change is how you keep saying Depression. It gets sorta annoying after the second or third time. Try adding a different bit of a twist and there you go! Great work!
I love it. It tells a really emotional story, but in a creative and exciting way. The way you right is really nice and I would like to see more like this.
The only thing I would change is how you keep saying Depression. It gets sorta annoying after the second or third time. Try adding a different bit of a twist and there you go! Great work!
Thank you! ~The Written Girl
Wow, I really like this! Showing all of the stages of depression and then ending (or not ending) with the end of life is brilliant. Maybe instead of re writing depression 3 times between each line and just writing it once would be a little more powerful but that is just a thought. I loved the personification with the bottle it really touches on the part of depression that is not controlled. Showing how there is less strength within and how it is hard to resist what takes the pain away. Once again great poem keep writing!!!!
Thank you so much ~The Written Girl
Hello there!
This is a pretty interesting poem.
The repetitiveness is used very well.
It has an effect to it.
I enjoy your style here :p
This is a sad poem, with emotion behind it.
I don't know if it's how you feel, or if you've seen someone else go through it, or maybe you just felt like writing about it.
Either way, it was a good choice.
I like how it eases into the ending.
You notice that she's depressed, and hurting herself, and the events slowly get worse and worse, rather than an abrupt she was happy then she killed herself.
I'm not saying that would be bad either, just that I like the way you wrote this
Keep up the good work!
Thank you so much and this is how I feel at times but I have also seen a very close friend of mine go threw this but she's a lot better now! Thank you for all your compliments ~The Written Girl
I like the last line. My interpretation of that is that every pulse of breath is laced with depression. The recurring triads, however, (Depression 3x) states the obvious, and reduces the sophistication of the poem as a whole. I had to read the other lines and skip the triads in order to fully understand the poem. Or maybe it's because repeating the D-word in my mind makes me feel lousy.
If that's the kind of impact you were going for, then you have succeeded. Other than that, I like the simplicity of this poem. To me, it speaks of somebody who is too numb to say anything more than briefly explaining the desolation that is felt at the moment.
Thank you
I love this, because the rhymes and the rhythm appear upbeat to me. It conflicts like crazy with the actual content of the poem. It's dark, it's depressing, it's real, yet when I read it in my head the words bounce around like it's a children's story.
'The Bye Bye letters beam.' I like the alliteration here. It supports the whole storybook, children's poem feel of the piece, whether it was your intention or not.
Grammatically, I can't fault it. It flows nicely. Keep writing!
Thank you, and I just wrote it I was really thinking about alliterations I just wrote I do that sometimes without thinking about the piece.
Welcome, I see that you are new to yws. Depression….hmm. I don’t read much about it because it is all too real to be honest. Your poem is good though. I like it and I have started to write about depression and darkness and all that Goth and emo stuff lately. I am not so sure as to why and they have all been nothing but poems. However, like I have said I did enjoy reading yours because . . . I know that it fits the mood of some people in this world who think that the world would be better off without them. So short and to the point. Keep writing.
I'm sorry to correct you but goth an emo arnt feelings they're styled, fashions, you can't feel emo or goth. Sorry I just kinda weird about that stuff. But thank you so much
Well, I kind figured that much about them. Thanks though.
Ahh! I enjoy reading depressing poems, I write about depressing things as well, and this was good. Like, not a good thing that whoever this is committed suicide, but well written. And the rhymes, oh the rhymes, they work perfectly. Alcohol, pills, razors, how much worse/better could it get?
We're friends now, all right? I don't have many friends that actually write about things like these, and when I find people on here who do, it makes me so glad. Also, you're a bit new, so welcome to the family!
I'm gonna follow you now, friend.
Thank you so so much and okie I'm new so I could use friends, and I like to write about things that are going on in my head I actually wrote this instead of ya know, but thank you and I'll follow you back ~The Written Girl
Right, right. Usually I write what's going on in my head, too, but it's always something depressing. xD
Basically that's what happens