The morning after it was Sarah`s birthday. Her mom and dad, and the village people were supposed to wake her up by singing happy birthday. However, the morning turned out a little different than the parents thought.
- Wake up buddy! It`s my birthday, and as my BFF you have (have been given the mission to give and get me the thing I want the most in this world) the mission to give me the thing i want the most. Said Sarah eager.- And why, gaaaaaaassp, do I have to give it to you at 6 o`clock in the morning? Twiki asked. - I wanna get it before my parents wake up. Sarah whispered.- I hope this isn´t like your 10th birthday when you wanted the rarest bird on the Island? Twiki asked.- No, of course not, I want to go into the woods and find the most solid tree, so I can make a wonderful boat!
- Sarah...gaaaasp... Twiki started.- Please! I am begging you on my knees... Sarah interrupted. - Are you? he said with sarcasm.
- I´m so tired! I refuse to open my eyes! Twiki said
- If you give me this, you might get some cherries!
- For real?! How? I am afraid of hights you know!!
- Yes, but I know a place you can get as many as you want!
- Where? Where!? Tell me!!! Twiki nagged.- Only if you come with me. she said with a smile - Alright, but just this once.
Then they went out in the woods to find the tree...
-Aaoouu, I stepped on something sharp! Can you check what it is? Twiki asked Sarah.- Yes, of course... wooow!
- What? What happened?!
- It's a box! Hidden between the leaves!
- Open it! Open it!!
- Okey, okey stop nagging. Inside there is a...
- Sarah, Twiki! What do you think you're doing?! her dad said. Sarah quickly hid the box in her pocket.- I'm-m so so-r-r-y c-hi-ief.
- It's my fault, dad, I tricked Twiki into this...
- But why did you leave? Don't you wanna celebrate your birthday? her dad asked. - Yes, dad. Of course I will. I just wanted to go for a walk first.
- Oh, okey, um are you done with your walk? We wanna celebrate you!
- Yes dad, let's go back to the village. Sarah said. - But what about the box? Twiki whispered into Sarah's ear as they walked back.- It will have to wait, she said.
- Ooh, there is my little birthday girl! Her mom shouted, because she wanted everybody to know that they should come and celebrate her.
- Hello mom. Sarah said with a little sarcasm in it, because she knew why she was shouting.
- Happy birthday to you! happy birthday... everybody sang. But all Sarah could think about was the journey she was going on soon.- Now make a wish! the chief said while he held the cake in front of her. Sarah knew what she was going to wish for, but you guys are not allowed to hear it, for now...
Everybody in the village got to taste the wonderful cake Sarah`s mom had made. A little girl about 6 years old even said - Mmh, that`s the best cake I have ever tasted! Everybody smiled at the little girl.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,008 Literary Works • 672,828 Reviews
Hi there @WriterSister33 I am here to do a review on you work. so lets get in to it.
now I like this for it is just the you shell thing for a birthday nothing different so it seems.Plot
now the plot seems like it is really moving here, I think that I am getting a lot of really nice images in my head, so good description to.
Now the end word were you say tought this is not spelt right so I will go and fix this for you done in suggestions, and you well see that it is a very small mistake.
I am not really shore about this one bit in this line I will go and see if I can help you in suggestions.
Suggestion
1: However, the morning turned out a little different than the parents thought.\
2:and as my BFF you have (have been given the mission to give and get me the thing I want the most in this world)
So that is all that I can say about this peas of work, So keep righting the good works.
@EagleFly out to seek and kill
Thank you, @EagleFly! I have changed the suggestions, and I%u2019m happy that you have readed my story <3, @WriterSister33
it is a pleas her I hop to read more of it,
Hi there!
Also a very cute chapter!!
I'll try not to be to harsh. XD.
These lines:"She was supposed to be waked up by her mom, dad and the village people singing happy birthday. But the morning become a little different than the parents might have thought."
It's just a little awkward.
Maybe try this: "Her Mom and Dad, and the village people were supposed to wake her up by singing happy birthday. However, the morning turned out a little different than the parents thought."
That's all that I really noticed! Keep up the good work!
Thank you, I will change that!:)