Untitled

I'm sure you'll hear alot about the title. A title such as "Untitled" serves little purpose to help enhance anything in this poem. A good way to think of a title can serve a image, symbol or something that means anything to enhance a good theme to it. For example, who is "we are," what do they stand for, what do they value, what do they look like? Are they yellow leafs, hamburgers or little green people? Are they the symbol of injustice? A good title will clue you in or tell you, or will serve be a medaphorical genious to spice up the poem. It can talk simply about how you feel your the bareness of empty roads, or that your in a spectrum of many colors and noone can see you ect. A title can change the meaning aswell, so theres little use in asking me or anyone. A title is yours to make your spin and to let you exspress your emotion on the subject. If you want to get better at title making then try to read other works and understand what purpose their title serves or offers the reader.

My second critosim is your choice of words. They fall flat. I will warn you that I often point to this type of behaviour on every poem I read. You are a lost soul? You are silent tears? You are silent screams? I read them through the page with clarity but theres nothing exciting there; the only time I feel like you express yourself is when you use words or phrases I haven't yet heard. "Let no one see" is basically your selling point to me, but its emotionless. Let no one see what? A perfect place for imagry and unique thought, words or actions but it ends before you express anything that I haven't yet read a million times.

Firstly why don't we take each one of these things you feel and exsplain them in detail. Your broken mind serves to tell us that you wish to be more rational? Example? Your lost soul means what? You cannot find a purpose? Your broken heart means you lost a loved one? Your silent screams you do why? It seems like you gathered alot of different emotions used from other poems and other exsperiances and you threw them in there hopeing that it makes sense. It doesn't tell a story, it doesn't tell us why and it uses few literary devices and unique words and phrases. If I were to give one advice for you it would be to "make it yours,"

What I mean is make this a poem where you tell a story and read it knowing that you will surprise someone. Make the words new and the medaphores new with examples and personal experiance. A general thing I don't like in poems is two -five word lines that can be mismatched and still make a great deal of sense. It carrys no signuatures or emotions to me.


One thing I admire about this writing is you have an ability to pin point what your saying and say it well and effectivly. There are some points that I feel like deserved a more wordy response to have it make more sense in a gramitcal way but you don't spend too many words which you don't need too.

How about "Repression?"
And nice poem by the way!

I'd call it "What We Are"

Hello Wonder, Cheetah here to review your poem.

This was a very enjoyable read! You have a way with rhythm that is hard to come by. This is the best example:

We are silent tears,
silent screams,
forgotten longing,
and forgotten dreams.

Um... We Are.

Hey Wonder, Vivian here. It's a great poem, I really like it. It sounds like a cheer. Like I said "We Are" would be a great title because it's repetitive. Oh and Happy V-Day.

Okay I really love this piece. It's beautiful and it really speaks to me because I've been through something like what this poem explains. I really like the line "let no one see" because it's kind of like we're tortured but we can't let anyone know because really, we deserve this.
I don't know if that's what it was supposed to mean but that's what it meant to me. Also, as for a title I don't know. To be honest I think something along the lines of The Broken People but as I said I don't know what you really wanted.
I love how it says we instead of I because the thing I hate with these kind of poems is that they all take it from a personal point of view and even though it's good it seems more shallow to me, less feeling.
Anyways I loved this:)
-ravynss

Hello! I'm Luka and I'm here to do a review on your poem!

First off, I would like to say that even though it was short, I got lost in this poem. It made me feel as if I were a person that was broken down and lonely. I wanted to cry.

I can't find anything that should be corrected, or anything that I don't personally like, so I will now ramble on about the things that I do like.

One of the things that I liked about your poem is that you were able to make me feel as if I were the thing being described by this. It was like I was experiencing an "out of body experience," in a way.

Another thing that I liked about this is that you were able to put emotion into the poem without actually directly stating what emotion you were trying to convey.

One final thing that I liked was... EVERYTHING! This poem was just amazing, in my opinion.

You definitely should keep writing, because you did amazing on this poem. *Claps* I'm looking forward to reading more of your stuff in the future!

Keep Writing,

Luka

Woah, nice poem. It seems very open to interpretation.
I like the sudden change in attitude at the end. At first you seem more sympathetic, but the last line seems like a twist.
I really have no corrections or any critisism for this one. It was truly very good
As for a title, maybe "Silent Tears". That line seemed to represent the overall mood.
Good luck and keep writing!

~Hadj