Amanda Charlotte
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San Diego, CA
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Amanda,
Admittedly, I was surprised when my boss handed me your letter. And a pink sparkly envelope? Honestly Amanda, you haven't gotten any more mature since I left. It is truly humiliating to be sitting in a room full of cold-blooded assassins, and then I receive a sparkly pink letter, with a kiss to seal it. Ugh, no wonder you've gone through so many boyfriends.
Besides that, it's really no bother that you're trying to keep in touch. It's not against the rules, although it certainly does earn me some weird looks. But geez Mandy, that picture of me is awful. I'm going to burn it. To be honest, I don't even remember taking that picture! And I do NOT look adorable.
I suppose I miss you as well. The people here are dreadfully serious all the time, which I guess makes sense if you consider our job. But I could really use your uncontrollable witch laugh right now, because I fear the silence is driving me psychotic. I never realized how much you being a chatter box kept me sane until I left.
I'm so sorry to hear that you've lost some friends, and although I also apologize about your breakup with Derin, he really was a total fleabag. I did tell you I thought he was awful. But it's good that you and that Analise girl still get along--she'll keep you in line while I'm gone. Or at least I hope so, I've only actually met the girl once.
Thank you for the updates on your life, it's a relief to hear that you're doing well. I got a bit anxious having not heard from you for almost a year. And as much as I hate to say it...I agree. I guess I miss your company. And your annoying voice. But I don't mind hearing your highschool drama. It's a nice splash of normal after a day of forgetting any morals and ridding awful people from this Earth.
I promise you Amanda, the exact moment this mission is complete, I am going to book a flight home and we're going to eat so much junk food that we're going to explode. Just like you seem to enjoy doing with your other friends. And now I'm sort of interested to hear your excuses for why I'm not around there anymore...
-Blake Thornton
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140,284 Literary Works • 673,074 Reviews
hi, I really like your writing! It’s...different, in a good way obviously. I like how you wrote it in his personality. it seems to make this story unique.
a few mistakes too but others already pointed them out.
I hope you keep writing like this
thanks a bunch!
Hi WishIHadASword,
Mailice back with a new review!
Started reading it right after I wrote the review for the first part. So my knowledge is still fresh and I can give a better opinion on the writing style.
With letter correspondences, it's always hard to make the characters seem different enough. What I noticed here with Blake is that this was definitely done well. His writing style stands out in contrast to Amanda, which leads me to conclude (as you also learn from the text) that he is more the quiet and reserved type, while Amanda is the chatterbox. Also, in his letter there is more about his own inner life than in Amanda's, who describes everything from the outside (high school, relationships, etc...) He doesn't describe very much about his environment and keeps to himself (probably also because of his job).
Here, for example, I particularly like the fact that Blake refers to the girl as "Analise girl". It seems more real, especially because he only met her once.
Again, it's very good that you didn't use Amanda's term for Derin.
This is the only point I would have to criticise a little bit, because it doesn't seem to me like Blake is the type who would eat so much junk food, as he had seemed more serious and earnest to me in the letter. But if it was some kind of encouragement for Amanda or if he meant it in a humorous way, it would have to be rewritten. At least the promise seems a little out of place to me in this case.
In summary, I really liked this letter, same as the last one and you have a good way of letting the two characters differ through their writing style!
Mailice.
Thanks a bunch! And yeah, now that I read that last part about the junk food, I guess that does make sense! I originally wrote that because he knew it was something she would enjoy, but I'll definitely see if there's another way I could word that! Thanks!
Hey!
First of all, I really liked the distinctive character that you have lent to the letter. I like the blunt style of writing, which is quite contrasting to Amanda's gushing tones.
I really loved this line:
It's a nice splash of normal after a day of forgetting any morals and ridding awful people from this Earth.
The phrase "nice splash of normal" sounds great. I really liked that.
This is not really a mistake, but I think that maybe you should you another word (maybe "guess"?) the second time here, instead of repeating "suppose":
I suppose I miss you as well. The people here are dreadfully serious all the time, which I suppose makes sense if you consider our job.
On the whole, I really liked it. I can't wait to read the next one.
Keep writing.
Thank you so so much! I'll definitely work on this!