z

Young Writers Society


Violence

Assassin's Heart - Ch3

by WishIHadASword


     Amanda tried to keep the tears from welling in her eyes as she was dragged down what seemed like a hundred flights of stairs with a very unflattering sack over her head. The only sounds that could be heard were footsteps echoing, and Kaden and Robbie’s bickering.

     “Can you breathe okay?” Kaden asked, fidgeting with the corner of the burlap sack covering her face. Amanda felt another hand—probably Robbie’s—smack Kaden’s hand away.

     “Stop giving me that look, Kaden!” Robbie groaned. “I know, I know—sacks aren’t exactly a popular fashion statement right now. But Hansen will skin us alive if we let this Amanda gal see everything before we figure out what to do with her. You already practically told her everything...”

     “I did not!”

     “Uh, did too.”

     “Nothing important!”

     “You were practically drooling—fumbling all over yourself in a hurry to tell her every little secret! Who knows, she could be an enemy spy! Or an undercover cop!”

     “Just for the record,” Amanda sighed, her voice muffled from the sack. “I’m not a spy or an undercover cop.”

     “Sounds like something a spy or undercover cop would say...” Robbie muttered under her breath.

     Amanda was jostled around as the twins shoved each other in the small space. Or at least, she assumed it was small by the way she collided with damp brick walls even if she barely moved. Supposedly she was going to their base to get in uniform (whatever that meant), and then she was going to talk to someone Kaden and Robbie referred to as Hansen. By the sounds of it, she wasn’t going to like this Hansen character.

     After practically an eternity of agony, the sack was yanked off her head. She squinted from the intense light and held her hand in front of her face, but as soon as she adjusted, she soaked in the room.

     There honestly weren’t that many people in there, but it was enough to make Amanda’s skin crawl. Every single person held a weapon—most of which seemed to be things like knives and throwing axes. Her brows furrowed as she studied what everyone was wearing. The girls wore what looked to be—gag— black spandex jumpsuits with a band of color around the shoulder, though there seemed to be three different colors the band could come in. The boys, on the other hand, wore unreasonably tight black spandex shirts with the same bands of color around the bicep and cargo pants. Blake probably looked so cute wearing their "uniform," she thought with a sad, stupid grin.

     The floor was entirely covered in black tumbling mats, the walls were lined with deadly weapons of all sorts. Robbie grabbed Amanda by one of the belt loops of her jeans and pulled her forward before she would’ve gotten hit in the face with a swinging punching bag.

     “Robbie, incoming!” a girl’s voice yelled. Robbie and Kaden immediately crouched down, and Kaden grabbed Amanda’s hand and dragged her down to the floor with them. A small throwing ax planted itself in the wooden boarded walls right where their heads had been. She covered her mouth so a cry didn’t escape.

     Without missing a beat, Robbie stood back up and kept walking towards the hallways on the far right. Amanda got to her feet slower. She was shaking so badly that it probably looked like she was having a seizure.

     Kaden gently put a hand on her shoulder. “Are you okay...?”

     She nearly blurted no of course not you psycho, but then she remembered she needed a job here. “Yea-yeah,” she finally muttered.

     For the rest of the walk through the training area, Kaden walked between Amanda and the rest of the assassins. She thought it was sweet, but her mind was a little stuck.

     Blake probably trained in this room, she thought sadly. He had probably talked to some of these people, and used some of these weapons. She felt her shoulders sag, and she followed Kaden into the hallway.

     “Kaden, I’m gonna need you to distract Hansen for a little bit so I can get Blondie here ready,” Robbie insisted. She had opened the first door in the hallway that was labeled Women, and peeked inside. “He said the last half of today is going to be all exercise classes, and if I miss one more of those he’ll get after me.”

     “How am I supposed to distract him?” Kaden whimpered, his voice going up an octave.

     “Dunno,” she said absentmindedly as she opened the door further for Amanda. “Tie his shoelaces together. Pull a Home Alone level scheme. Whatever it is, just give me enough time to fit this girl into the training uniform so nobody shoots the outsider. Well, at least until Hansen says so.”

     Amanda gulped, and before she or Kaden could protest, Robbie was already pulling her into the Women’s room.Amanda stumbled inside, knocking over a duffel bag that was sitting against the gray lockers. The barrel of a gun peaked out from the opening, and she sucked in a breath. Cool it, she told herself. If I’m going to be an assassin, I need to get used to the sight of a stupid gun.

     “Okay…” Robbie mumbled, opening the nearest locker and rifling through it. “You probably wear the same size as me, so...ah ha!”

     She spun around and held up what looked like a spandex jumpsuit. Amanda nearly gagged.

     “I have to wear that?” She poked it with her finger, personally offended by how disgusting it looked.

     Robbie rolled her eyes. “Apparently these make it easier to move around while training or something? But it’s freakin’ ridiculous considering the guys only have to wear spandex shirts. Believe me, I’ve brought up the debate before. Just put it on—unless you want me to end you right here right now?”

     Amanda sucked in a sharp breath and grabbed it from her, grimacing. This was not her style, but she wasn’t all too ready for death yet. “You’re kidding me. For real? This is a pathetic attempt at clothing.”

     Robbie ignored her and pushed her behind another set of lockers so she could change. “Tragic, Barbie,” she chuckled darkly from the other side of the lockers. “The training here ain’t made to be pretty. Oh, and ignore the ring of red on it. It's a ranking thing, hopefully no one will notice.”

     She glanced down at the bright red band around the left arm and wondered about the ranking. In the training room she’d seen yellow and blue along with red, but that looked to be it. Was red good or bad? Which ranking had Blake been?

     After a moment more of staring, she cautiously changed out of her cute outfit and baseball cap and into the trashy skin-tight assassin garb. As she changed, she looked around, realizing that there was a lack of blown-up stuff in the locker room.

     “Hey...Robbie, Kaden told me that Bl—someone blew up the girls’ locker room. But this one looks very un-blown-up.”

     Amanda thought she heard her mutter something about Kaden being a blabber mouth and killing him, and Robbie was silent for another beat before she responded.

     “He blew up the only other one,” She replied in a voice that made Amanda wonder if she was smiling. “My friend and I nearly got blown to smithereens. It was kind of awesome.”

     She tugged at and adjusted the wretched uniform. “So, you know the person who blew it up?” she tried to ask casually. Amanda leaned against the lockers, not quite ready to leave yet.

     Robbie started to say something, but it was like her voice died in her throat or something.. Eventually, all she gave was a lame, “Yep. Cool guy.”

     Amanda frowned. Was Robbie one of Blake’s friends? He’d mentioned in one of his letters that the girls didn’t really talk to him—but then again, he hadn’t told her a lot of things. Maybe she could find some clue to Blake’s killer through Robbie.

     She walked out from behind the lockers, and gasped in mock offense when she saw that Robbie was still wearing her military jacket and ripped jeans.

      “Why don’t you have to wear the Torture Suit?” Amanda complained, gesturing to her ridiculous outfit. “I swear, if all of this is some elaborate prank—”

     “Yo, okay, chill,” Robbie laughed, running a hand through her golden brown hair. “I never wear the uniform. Hansen yells at me for it every day, but Blake always—”

     Her words seemed to die in her throat, and every muscle in Amanda’s body tensed. She wanted to scream, Blake what?! But Robbie didn’t trust her or know that she knew Blake, and she couldn’t risk scaring her off yet. Hopefully Kaden wouldn’t tell his sister about the conversation they’d had in his room..

     Robbie puffed out her cheeks and looked away from Amanda. “Y’know what? I think it’ll be fine if I just miss one more day of classes. I can take Hansen’s punishments.”

     Amanda opened her mouth, but no words came out. What was going on? Why had Robbie gotten so weird all of a sudden? She obviously knew Blake, but how? A million questions swirled in her head, so she barely heard it when Robbie told her to go find Kaden. Amanda walked out of the locker room in a daze.


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Tue Jun 21, 2022 7:04 pm
RandomTalks wrote a review...



Hello!

RandonTalks back with a short review!

This was a really great continuation of the story! I want to echo what Mint said, because your use of dialogue is really very fantastic. It flows very naturally and I can actually hear the characters say the words out loud which makes their interactions all the more realistic and interesting. Their exchanges are always humorous and witty and it makes these character even more appealing. We care about what happens to them and since we are only into the third chapter of the novel, I can honestly say that you are off to a great start!

The twins are very interesting characters, and I thoroughly enjoy their banters. Even though Robbie comes off as a little too hostile and aggressive sometimes, we can tell that at her core, she is a good person. Of course, the joke is going to be on us if the tables are turned and they do end up delivering Amanda to her death at Hansen' hands. But at the moment I very much enjoy their different dynamics and the chaotic energy they seem to radiate at all times.

That said, you have presented us with quite the build-up until we finally get to meet this Hansen character. I cannot tell for sure if that was intentional, but now I am definitely very curious about this guy. He has been made out as the leader of the gang, and even though it seems that he represents authority, I cannot tell if the rest of them fear him or respect him. Still, you have established his character very neatly from the very first chapter through subtle hints and references. I cannot wait to find out who he is when all these pieces are glued together.

“You’re kidding me. For real? This is a pathetic attempt at clothing.”

From the little we know about Amanda, it seems like she is used to stylish clothes and a lavish lifestyle. We have seen her looking down on the assassins' outfits and their ways of leading lives several times now, and it makes me wonder about where she came from. This story does have a prequel where you might have explored all that little details of her life, but I still think you should establish a background for her so that your current readers can form a better understanding of this character.

It also made me a little curious about the relationship she shared with Blake. They do not seem to share many similarities or interests - in fact they both seem to come from different worlds. Blake has been established as a rather stoic and serious person, who doesn't smile much and does not seem to care much about what he has to wear. Amanda on the other hand is a light-hearted girl who seems to belong to a well-off family and who has plenty of opinions about the outfits she's being made to wear. It is apparent that they cared deeply about each other so I wonder at which point their worlds intersected and what they really saw in each other. I am not sure if you intend to explore these details of their relationship since Blake is already dead in this sequel, but it would be extremely cool to have some flashbacks or glimpses of the past to help us understand these characters and the relationship they shared with each other.

Why had Robbie gotten so weird all of a sudden?

Now this entire exchange was extremely intriguing, mostly because we see Robbie who usually has a sarcastic response ready for everyone, falter for the first time. In that moment, she seemed almost vulnerable and it made the story all the more interesting. It is apparent that both Robbie and Kaden shared some sort of a friendship with Blake and it makes me curious because both Robbie and Blake do not seem to be the type of person who would be good at befriending others. Robbie's haste to change the subject of Blake was perhaps the most genuine reaction we have seen from her until now and it made me empathize with her for the first time on a much deeper level because of that.

That's all!

Keep writing and have a great day!

Until next time!






Thank you so much!



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Sat Jun 11, 2022 9:19 pm
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Spearmint wrote a review...



Hi, it's mint, back with another review! ^-^ So first things first, I think you absolutely nailed it with the dialogue in this chapter. :D Robbie and Kaden's conversation (along with Amanda's comment) in the beginning cracked me up, and the scene in the locker room was alternately funny and intriguing. It seems like Blake was a pretty popular (or at least somewhat well-known) guy in this place, which makes me even more curious why someone would want to kill him or make him disappear. But I guess I'll have to wait for a few more chapters, or maybe more than a few, to find out. xD Anyways, on to some details!

“Sounds like something a spy or undercover cop would say...” Robbie muttered under her breath.

This trio is hilarious, and I kind of hope they get assigned a mission together and confuse their enemy with all their bickering or something (though that might be a bit far-fetched). XD I'm looking forward to reading more of their interactions!

the sack was tossed off her head.

This is just a nitpick, but I feel like the word "tossed" is usually followed by a preposition like "onto" or "away" instead of "off." The sack could probably be yanked off her head, or whisked off her head, though! (Or tugged off, plucked off, or pulled off... depends on the tone you're going for. :P)

Every single person held a weapon

Ah, yep, I would not want to be Amanda right now. >.> But as a reader, I'm kind of curious about how these people are dressed! Are they wearing ugly spandex uniforms like Amanda has to put on? Or do the ones with higher rank get the privilege of wearing something else? Or does it depend on their specializations or something? Just a neat detail I think you could add! Completely optional, though, because the description also works great as it is. :]

A small throwing ax planted itself in the wooden boarded walls right where their heads had been.

Well, that's an effective way of establishing how dangerous this place is. 0.0

Pull a Home Alone level scheme.

I actually kinda want to see what would happen if Kaden went with that idea. XD Once again, great job with the dialogue!

I can take Hansen’s punishments.”

Speaking of Hansen, I hope we get to meet him soon! I'm picturing him as a somewhat older guy with a strict demeanor (and maybe with some intimidating habit like steepling his fingers or something). But it'd be super cool if he had some unexpected feature as well, like a rubber duck collection hehe. I've loved everything you've written for the characters so far, so I'm looking forward to seeing what you have planned for Hansen! C:

That's pretty much all for now... thanks for the fun chapter, and I hope you keep writing! Have a fabulous day/night! =D






Thank you so so much for the feedback and suggestions! I really appreciate it!




I regret everything.
— Ron Swanson