She's carefree and crazy,
She's left the world behind
She acts natural and laid back,
Without a problem
But then she shuts herself in her room,
and cries in her bed,
she's all alone
and no one will help her
She's the popular girl,
with the clear bright smile
She laughs and giggles,
Nothing is wrong
Or at least, that's what she's convinced herself
She can tell they don't like her, their glares say it all
But no one can help her,
She's lost it all
Maybe if they looked at each other,
And realized the similarities,
They'd be able to help each other
Lend a hand to one another
But they won't have the courage to reach out,
They've both turned their heads from one another,
They'll never cross each other's path
A silent promise to pure defeat
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125,027 Literary Works • 672,773 Reviews
Hello!
This hasn't been touched in a while.
I think this has... appeal to certain types of people. But for me, it's just not doing it. To me, it sounds like the plot from some chick flick (which are very popular movies!), but as a poem, it's not really pulling me in. What do I care about these girls? I really don't. I don't know them. You tell me what they do, you tell me some adjectives to describe them, but I don't connect with them. I think it might be a "show, don't tell" sort of thing. You need some images. You need some metaphors. Also, I don't see why the uniting of these girls would help. Sure it might help, you say "maybe," but It just sounds like you strung them together.
What do you want to show with this poem? I think emotion is very important in poetry, but I don't really feel anything when I read this.
That is not to say that you're a bad writer, no not in the least. This poem could use some vamping up though. Let me know if you have any questions on how to do that.
Keep writing!!
good poem I love it. Keep writing!
Thank you!
Hi! Sarah here, not necessarily to review, seeing as I can't find anything. I love this poem. It really does inject loneliness and emotion into the reader, without it feeling like the reader should feel sorry for the subject of the poem. If I had to say so myself, I think you just described me perfectly. You should seriously consider writing more poetry. I have the same situation that you do. I normally don't write poetry, but lately, I've been on a poetry kick. Good luck with yours, and as always.......
KEEP WRITING POETRY! I demand more!
Thank you! In this poem, I consider myself more of the first girl, the "average" one who everyone considers crazy and doesn't think much of her. Though I usually hold things against the popular people, I do realize that just because you're popular doesn't mean that you feel all that wonderful either. So I just kinda felt like writing it down.
I'm kind of both. I'm not necessarily popular, but I'm known and respected. People know not to mess with me. I mean, people do see me as crazy, but that's because I stand up for myself and my friends.
First off-Why is this in the Vex folder when I put it in my Poetry folder???
Second-I don't usually like poetry, but I've seen some pretty cool poetry lately on YWS, so I got kinda inspired and expressed myself.
Okay, nevermind, I fixed it.