Let's run away from here,
Away from reality,
Away from what hurts us,
Away from here.
Let's run away from here,
We've been strong,
Actually for so long,
Is it wrong?
We've been strong,
It felt like all we need,
But now it is nothing,
It feels nothing at all.
We've been tired,
Not gonna admit it,
But we are,
So we rest,
But it's not enough.
We need more break,
More rest,
More breakdowns,
Then be strong again.
Let us be tired,
Let us break,
There's nothing wrong,
We've just been strong...
There's nothing wrong,
We've been afraid,
There's nothing wrong,
Let us be.
We're strong.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,794 Reviews
Thank you for writing this. I learned a lot about poetry from you.
Hi,
Your language is fantastic - you've crafted a deeply emotional poem here, which is really good. My only suggestions for edits would be:
Let's run away from here,
Away from reality,
Away from what hurts us,
Why should we live in fear?
And for the end:
There's nothing wrong,
We've just been strong...
Hiding in the shadows,
Were we even here all along?
But other than that, it's a great poem - well done
hello. I am here to give a review. I hope it will help you.
first of all, it's awesome. it's a realistic poem. the plan of repetition is good. it emphasizes the lines.
i don't think this repetition seems to good. i would suggest omitting one.
now some good one
i genuinely loved these lines.
i hope I have helped you. although these are mere suggestions. it's totally up to you whether you will listen or not.(author's choice).
i would be thankful if we please review my works. keep writing!
Hello WeirdoPotato! My name is Via and I'm here for a review.
So first and foremost, I like the repetition. It works really well emphasizing the emotions and thoughts behind each line. The rhyming is inconsistent, which strangely works here, it adds a certain instability and helplessness to the narrative. Normally I don't care for poetry with a lack of imagery, but the emotions behind here make it a very relatable down-to-earth poem.
My only critiques are the following. The flow of the poem seems a bit off, I think it's because of the lack of stanzas. Maybe it was intentional, or maybe you're having the same problem I have with publishing on here that the spaces between each stanza goes away when you publish. Also great work with the punctuation and commas! Give yourself a pat on the back for that.
Some of the lines don't need to be there, and might be a tad unnecessary. Less is more, sometimes.
The line
After the line
Is reiterating the previous lines.
It might just be a pet peeve of mine, or personal preference, but I don't like the use of the word "gonna". I would like it to maybe be replaced with something else, maybe not "going to" but just something else. Lastly, auto correct is just a huge annoyance for me. It happens sometimes that we don't notice each new line automatically capitalizing. Some lines are part of the same sentence, so maybe look into fixing that.
Other than that, great poem! Keep up the good work!