Young Writers Society

This is a rather interesting prologue, even though the beginning felt a bit repetitive I still rather enjoyed it. Although the beginning drags in my interest, normally that would be reserved for the first chapter, so I suggest that if you are going to keep it that way then make sure the beginning of the first chapter is either equal or better than this one. The reason is because if the beginning of the first chapter falls short of expectation then people will lose interest and won't be interested in reading the rest of the story. Another thing I noticed although it is a small detail you said that the "supposed daughter" was an ally in battle, although there is no explanation for what you are talking about which allows a mysterious air you use the term "HE" instead of "SHE" thus contradicting what you have previously said about the "daughter". If this was intentional you need to find a way to clarify it, I myself have written something that didn't make sense to the reader and had yet to be clarified in the next chapter. So if that is your intention be sure to do so.

This is a very mysterious and intriguing piece and I hope to read more in the future. Bye~
Sincerely,
TJJProductionsGirl

Hi WanderlustStardust! I'm just rosette, sliding in for a quick review. (By the way: what a fun username!)

I'm super happy to see you're beginning your own novel - that's always great to see - and I wish you the best of luck with it.

Prologues aren't too often seen around these parts, which is one reason why I stopped by to check this out, and they really aren't that popular with agents for multiple reasons (I like this article on it - The 7 Deadly Sins of Prologues - which you might want to check out), and that is another reason why I wanted to stop by.

There's actually quite a bit said in here, but there is a certain mysterious air. You haven't told us everything yet, but you will. The opening paragraph, by the way, was brilliant. I loved it. It definitely drew me right in BUT if you happen to look at that link I gave you, you can see we're not supposed to be hooked into the story by the prologue, but the actual story - starting with chapter one. Unless, of course, you have a much more enticing hook to draw us in with on chapter one. xD

Concerning your writing style, I thought it was great. The sentences are shorter and choppier, like a robot or perhaps an alien is speaking. Very direct. It gives some insight into who the speaker is, what their personality is like, etc.

For now, I think those are all the thoughts I have... Mmm. Yep. That's it.

Have a great day, and keep up the good work!

~rosette <3

I'm so excited for this series, and I hope you guys will be too!!

Hello there!

I was really excited to find a prologue in the Green Room, if I'm honest! I miss prologues. And I feel like you did a pretty good job with this one! You certainly raised a lot of questions that make us as readers demand answers- which I think is generally the point of prologues- to really get us interested in what the story is going to be about.

I want to caution you though, because I feel like a lot of people write prologues with all kinds of juicy tid-bits and things that need answering but then they write the first chapter and things are quite, well, not as interesting in the sense that the first chapter starts out with the character's morning routine or something. But who knows what you have planned, or have already written! c:

One thing I wanted to mention was I think there were some things that we could have used a little tiny-insy-bit-more information on. Like I said, you do a pretty good job of keeping the mystery as a good hook for the reader, but there are sometimes when too much info withheld can be a little more confusing than mysterious- and it wasn't too confusing or anything, but it was a little hard to get really grabbed or hooked when I wasn't quite sure if I knew what the story was actually going to be about. And by that I mean I'm not sure what a "storyteller" is- I mean, I do by the definition of the word and in our society, but something tells me that this "storyteller" is possibly more fantastical than that!- which REALLY excites me, but I feel like there almost wasn't quite enough info to go on of what it might mean to be a storyteller. But, that could just be me! c:

by drawing what I thought I saw, whether it was in the shadows or what I wish I had,

and fell in “love” just for the drama of it.