A/N: Guys, I'm not really that fluent in English. So please bear with it. Just comment and point out the mistakes. Specially the structure. Or things like that.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WISE LOVE
I know everything.
Higher than above.
Except for one thing
that is called love.
What is love?
Is it something I can have?
Please tell me.
I'm wondering, can't you see?
It is a chemical reaction in the brain.
Or so I thought.
Not until I met you under a heavy rain.
My mind afloat.
Love is just a word.
In its own accord.
Then I stopped all the search.
When we were inside the church.
That day when you walked down the aisle.
Oh how precious was your smile.
Since then was the beginning.
Our love is never-ending.
Listen to what I'm saying,
YOU gave me its real meaning.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A/N: It's the thought that counts, right? Please be lenient, senpai~s.
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Canary word: Present
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125,003 Literary Works • 672,791 Reviews
Hey, WanderingCloud! VegasLights here to give you a review!
I love how your poem is simple but gets to the point. I only have 3 issues with this poem. Why is the title called "Wise Love", I don't understand how that is relative to the poem. I mean I get the love part, but what about it is so wise? The rhyming in your poem is a little off. In some of your stanzas I see one rhyme scheme then I see a different one. Instead of capitalizing LOVE I would put it in italics. I would do that because it kind of just lays out with the simpleness of your poem, instead of throwing it out there.
Sadly, all reviews must come to an end and here is the end of this one. I thank you for your time and I hope you have a great day!
xo. VegasLights
Hi, Wandering Cloud.
It was a pretty nice poem, actually, very simple in its imagery but efficient.
I have only two issues, really.
The rhythm isn't quite there yet. It still feels a little stilted. Regarding that, I've a question. You say you aren't quite fluent in English yet. What's your primary language, then? Because I've got a sneaky suspicion from the way you write.
And your imagery is maybe TOO simple. It works well with a theme like love because there's been so much written on the subject that simpler is actually better. You'll have to be careful in the future.
Anyway, good luck to you. Enjoy YWS.
Filipino. I guess this was the product of me attempting to write a novel. I read many articles, tips, blogs and such about grammars, punctuation... almost anything that is related about writing a novel.
I had too many ideas. I even attempted world building. In the end, I just saved it on a file and wait for some time that I will consider making that particular novel.
What kind of novel?
What kind of novel?
I've only tried a few. Such as High Fantasy, Sci-fi... I forgot the others. The one I am currently making is a Fantasy, has a bit of survival, a pinch of romance and I plan to make it dark, since it's survival. Survival, not the tyoe of competition but survive from harm/death.
Ok, MP me when you publish it.
Ok, tell me when you publish it.
Ok, tell me when you publish it.
Ok, tell me when you publish it.
Alright~ But I am still working on it. You might have to wait for awhile.
This is nice simple poetry, in my opinion the best kind of poetry, but yes ive have seen more creative but still a lovely story. the mistake i saw was this "Is it something I can have?
Please tell me." the question mark should be at the end of "Please tell me." my suggestion is "Please tell me?" also this is nice story about love and relationships i don't think you really needed the author notes at top and bottom, I would just put them in one or other in stead of two things. this great work hope to see more from you @WanderingCloud
Thank you. I'll take note of that.
Hello! DragonNoir here for a review!
This is actually a great piece of poetry. I like the concept of love used in it, although I must say that the 'senpai' part was kind of unnecessary, but it's your poem, not mine. I have to say though, the poem had a very rough flow to it, because it had a very unregular rhyming pattern. Next time you're writing rhyming poetry, try to make the poem have a more regular pattern, otherwise it just makes the poem sound so rough and unpleasant. As well as that, try to add more depth into your poem, it just seems like a dude/girl talking about how they found their crush in a church. Try to add more detail to it.
Overall, an amazing piece, but your rhyming pattern could be improved and you could add a bit more implicit detail to the poem.
Thank you. Regarding my rhyming pattern, I seem to go free verse and just cares for the rhyming words in the end. Uhm. Is it a bad habit or not? Should I stop it? I guess it might destroy my works with this, right? Please...senpai.
Honestly? I think you simply have to make up your mind even before you start writing the poem itself. Just decide whether to use rhyme or not, otherwise the poem won't flow well.
Hehe. I'm kind of write-what-is-on-your-mind-here-and-now----RIGHT AWAY! Onwards to VICTORY! Ahem*
Anyways, I am currently writing a novel. I always have my phone with me. I am using my phone to create my pieces, by the way. And it just became a habit. I am scared of forgetting that particular idea. So I should write it right away. I am kind of forgetful.
If you need any advice or help, just PM me. I'll try my best to help