My world is an illusion.
It can never be broken.
Until I die of exhaustion.
My life forsaken.
Made a fool myself, once.
Believing that it is the truth.
It all changed in a glance.
It turned rough rather than smooth.
I'll never be a person.
A person, who knows how to feel.
But I keep holding on.
Holding on till I find what's real.
~
A/N: Extra Limerick?
-Alms...alms..alms..I need.
Spare me a piece of bread.
I am so poor.
I only have a door.
I need alms not qualms.
(I don't know if it is correct.)
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,003 Literary Works • 672,791 Reviews
Hey, WanderingCloud! VegasLights here to give you a review!
I believe your poem is wonderful and needs no fixes. I love the descriptive words that you used. They gave me beautiful imagery, and I really enjoyed that. For the flow, I believe all is well and I don't see any issues. The structure of your poem works well with the flow. I believe that is why everything fits together so great. The extra limerick that you gave us was funny. But, I don't think you need to include that with the actual poem itself. If I were you, I would put it on a different post.
Sadly, all reviews must come to an end and here is the end of this one. I thank you for your time and I hope you have a great day!
~Keep Writing!~
VegasLights
(Previously Steam1244)
I love how it rhymed! the rhythm was so catchy and the poem was short and sweet! I have basically no suggestions. One thing, the extra limerick at the end, I know you probably aren't looking for a review on it, but I don't think it was truly necessary and it kind of swirled up the ending of your poem. Maybe you could put it at the front and say, "just kidding!" this is the poem that I wrote. That's a stupid idea, but, I think it would be best to remove it??? In some parts, however, the rhyming is inconsistent. It would make the rhythm a lot better if you made it all rhyme, because the rhythm you had in the middle really accented the poem and gave it power. I really, really loved your poem! Hope my review helps!