The next day, the gates of the graveyard opened at around three in the afternoon. Luke entered and her bright blue eyes searched the graves. She walks silently, looking at the graves and statues, her lips muttering an inaudible chant. She continues to search.
Luke smiles at the sky, the snow and the mysteries of the headstones she saw. The sight of the old part of the graveyard made her think otherwise. With a deep breath, she steps closer to the mausoleums. She takes her time, looking at the designs, reading what engravings that could be read. She stops at the ruined mausoleum behind the oak tree.
Clutching her winter coat, she enters through the broken wall. She looks around, the place partially covered with snow. She walks.
“There you are!” she exclaimed. She smiled as she went closer.
She rushed to the small concrete bench and raised in her hand, a small music box. She smiled again as she opened it and heard the soft melody play.
She listened to this as she made her way out of the graveyard.
“Aeternum Vale,” a ghost muttered through the shadows as he saw the young girl exit. [Farewell forever.]
“One to leave and one to stay,
And all to dance the Macabray.”
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Canary word: Present
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Nitpicks:
This is in past, but everything else is in present.
And now it's in past again and remains this way for the rest of the piece...
^And that's it!
Awwwwwww
The only thing I want to know is how she knew her music box was in there? Was she just looking all around for it, retracing her steps and then stumbled upon it? If she forgot everything about Malcolm, would she remember being in the graveyard, just not him? And if he had been visible again at the moment, could the story have essentially started over? (I guess that was more than one thing :p)
Well this was heart-breaking. Overall, great story. Really creative idea, and great execution. I'm usually a little wary of supernatural stories because I feel like a lot of the plots are really similar, but I didn't feel that way with this one. Nice work! Looking forward to reading more of your stuff
Tenses while writing have always been my problem. Thank you for pointing this out!
Nawh, all Luke remembered was that she spent one day in the graveyard and in that same spot, (the day before she met malcolm. The other days she no longer remembers because she had been going there cuz of him)
I don't think the story would restart since he already knew the consequences.
THanks for following my story and making reviews on them! Glad you liked it!
First of all, apologies for the late review. I read your chapters yesterday, but didn’t have the time to stop by.
Honestly, I imagined the epilogue to be years later. Luke comes to the graveyard to meet her father and brings along her husband. From afar, Malcolm sees them together and cries. He’s heartbroken and also happy.
But, your version is much better!
I’m sad that this story has finished, but I’m also looking forward to reading your other projects. Wilting was an enjoyable read. The ending was heartbreaking and I expected it (sort of) as the progression of your plot could lead to no other climax. I loved that your title was reflected beautifully in this piece. Malcolm has connected me to your story a little too much, and that’s a sign that you have developed his character thoroughly.
Such a simple sentence, yet very powerful; it made my heart skip a beat.
The finale was also great! The way his truth was revealed to Luke was effective and tied everything together.
Once again, I was too engaged in the story to notice any mistakes.
Last of all, very, very well done, and keep writing!
Thank you for following this story till the end!
I actually considered that ending and also an alternate part that would have made the story longer, but then... yah maybe not (it's not as 'happy').
No problem! I really enjoyed reading it.
Ah, I see what you mean.