How are you? It’s been a while since we last texted.
I hope you're doing fine, with your plates and sketches. I hope whatever problem you're refusing to tell me would be resolved. I've been doing good. College is hard though I do get by. Haha. Look at us: after high school we're still surrounded by dead trees and false friends.
J-- she sounds wonderful. I saw the picture you sent a few days back. She does look good, as you say. She sounds like everything you wanted in a girl: cute, sporty, cuddly, childish and sweet. Don't worry! I believe you when you say you're so deeply in love with her and not just infatuated.
I'm sorry that, yet again the girl you like likes someone else. I keep on telling you that all you need is courage, right? Just go for it, ask her out. And you lost the chance. I don't know why you keep resulting to your usual strategy of being always available for help, being extremely friendly and sweet to get the girl. I told you not to be passive about it. See if she reciprocates! See if your efforts are appreciated. If you don't, you'd end up being used...again.
You know, people have no means to find out how they would feel for someone in the future. The world is not as predictable as some put it. So, I’m sorry but I don’t agree with your plan on ceasing to love anyone after her. How could you limit yourself like that? You’re only 18 for the love of God. You have your whole life ahead of you: you have people to meet and the world to explore. Yet you want to cage your heart for this one girl. She must be really something eh. I never knew that not loving you back was part of the criteria for the ‘perfect girl’ for you.
You say you’re ‘stopping the heart’ because you’re tired of getting it broken? Well that’s just how it is. Love wouldn’t be so special if it were easy. (except for the love of family but you got that). Yes, I know it hurts. I know it hurts to be rejected, to always be rejected; to not be the one s/he wants. Maybe you feel that too sometimes. How you think this girl could be so much happier if she had loved you, how you’d treat her right. How you’d never let her cry.
It is the pain, the mourning for someone who is still alive. It is the bitter realization of disillusionment.
What I have earlier said in the previous paragraphs would be the last piece of advice I will give you. I’m writing this to you because I want to say goodbye.
Since we never dated, I thought I could do it. The saying did go, “don’t stay friends with your ex.” I’m sorry it took me this long to realize that I can’t be friends with you anymore. It gives me unnecessary hurt. Especially now that I found someone else. He deserves my love and he never makes me feel like I had to earn his.
I would also like to say thank you. I thank you for the friendship. Thank you for being my first love, my first heartbreak. It is somehow true, right? We never truly stop loving our first for there is a certain magic that comes in the first time we fall in love.
I hope you find the girl who is worthy of you as well and that your days would be happier. I wish you luck on your future endeavours in life and love.