One week since Perdu and Ayla split up
Dear Ayla,
It has been days since I have last seen you. Jacob and I have been wandering around searching for you in every building. I am sleeping in the mall where you always force me to go. God, I hated this place because of how loud it was and now it’s quiet, too quiet. The world has been too quiet since we parted. The only sound I hear is the rustling of Jacob’s sleeping bag.
You were right about him, Ayla. He is a narcissist; he tried to push me into some walkers today. I made it out without even a scratch, love. Don’t worry, I can’t die yet, not until I find you. I don’t care if I have to walk all night and day to get to you. You will see me again, Ayla. I promise I will find you. I need to hear your laugh. I need you; I need my light back. This is my first dark time without you here in years.
Where have you gone, Ayla? I know you are out there, love, and I will find you. But please make it easy on me. Ayla I promise when I find you, we will get married. I want to be your husband. If I die in this world, I need to die being your husband.
I love you so much. Be safe out there Ayla.
Love, Perdu
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137,484 Literary Works • 672,034 Reviews
aaaay I loved the first 2 letters from Ayla. Excited to see the other side of the coin!
Assuming you are following grammar rules despite these being handwritten, non-spell-checked letters, there needs to be a comma after "God"
The comma after "narcissist" needs to be a period or semicolon, otherwise it's a comma splice. On a story note umm WHY did he stick with him after that? Clearly he can take care of himself, and Jacob is endangering his life now.
Another comma splice here.
<333
I would have loved for there to be a bit more to this. Perhaps a bit more personality like we see in Ayla's, or at the very least some exasperation. The way he speaks about Jacob almost killing him is very ... sanitized? If these letters are never meant to be seen by Ayla it seems reasonable they that should be a bit deeper in nature. If they ARE intended to be given to her at a later time this seems like I would just freak her out.
We shall see what comes next! Feel free to tag me when the next letter drops.
~Messy
I fixed my mistakes. Thank you for your comment! I love your review!
WOOHOO he's alive!! I knew it!
He wrote this 4 months before his death so he is not alive. He is in the past writing in another perspective.
Oh no!!