This is actually my homework, had to right a poem about the enviorment.
Across the great, vast, oceans. With waters crystal blue.
Across the great, vast, deserts. With sands a blood red hue
Across the great, vast, forests. With trees a leafy green.
Across our wonderful planet. Our life, our world, our dream.
Alas this great place, cannot last.
For everyone continues to live in the past.
Forget they do the pain of the earth.
The earth, our dearest friend, forgotten end to end.
Burning and destroying. We suck our great world dry.
We spread our great destruction, to the furthest reaches of the sky.
Our great planet cannot stand much more, but yet we let it die.
It cannot stand much longer, its dieing for you and I.
We must protect our greatest treasure, our great planet green.
We must stop burning and destroying, lest we fall into a dream.
The forests, the deserts, the great ocean blue.
Our world, our planet, its up to you.
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I thought it was really deep. I liked how you explained how we are killing earth. I also liked how you compared earth to a dream. NICE WORK.
Sorry to bring down your parade, but the start of the poem. It drones on and on. You've exellent word choice yet at the beginning you go on and on. A lot would feel this is far too preachy, we know we're killing the planet give us something new. And this poem it just seems sentences. Oh and what's this mean 'forgotten end to end' that seems like a forced attempt at rhyming. It makes no logical sense. It's probably where this falls down, the rhyming, it seems forced at some parts. This distract the reader. Overall: You should rewrite this if there still time because with the forced rhyming the droning and not emotionally impacting the readers. It looks bleak. Think about this.
Good luck
VSN
Thanks anonamuse.
All I can say is, 'wow'. Moving, and it's something that needs to be adressed. The way we treat the planet is wrong, but then again so is man.
Anywho, I like your poem, hope you get/got a good grade for it.
Thanks pinata, I really hope I get an A in this for school... especially since i havnt got an A all year...
Thanks
Congrats on doing the difficult task of grabbing my attention! The first stanza, although repetitive, work amazingly well.
I read it to the end, and these are the emotions I have about how we treat our lovely planet. Great work. ^^