Young Writers Society

I thought that some would write some thing like this, and I was write. Well, that was a great poem. You use of strong words gave the poem a great quality. Well done.

The gaze of our leaders, (When you said 'leaders', were you talking about gods or dead people?)
Staring down at us from above.
Watching, waiting for a chance to strike.

They turn and laugh amongst them,
Forgetting the perils of the people,
Forgetting the challenges they face. (Should be 'challenges we face')

We weaken under their watchful eyes,
Driven to poverty,
Begging for a scrap of their riches. (I liked this stanza, the usage of good words)

We sink slowly to our knees,
Tears gushing down our face,
Pouring down in great waves.

And as we lie down in the dirt,
The remnants of our once great nation,
We grieve for what is lost.

And as we fade, land turning into dust, (It should be 'turns')
Our leaders, argue pointlessly,
Fighting for power in a lost nation. (Should be 'for a lost nation')

Well, it was a good poem. I mean, like I said before, you used strong words and that was good. Well, I advise you to keep on writing.

Good luck.

Cheers for the review, i'll work on it.

Hey could people please not use capitals, it makes my eyes sore.

Thanks

OK, YOU GAVE A DRAMATIC EFFECT WITH YOUR POEM THOUGH AND I CAN'T PHANTOM WHICH COUNTRY YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT BUT IT WAS QUITE GOOD BUT TO BE REALLY HONEST WITH YOU- YOU SHOULD TRY ADDING RYMING WORDS TO YOUR POEMS-POEMS WHICH RHYME, ARE POEMS THAT TEND TO STICK IN PEOPLE'S HEADS, I AM NOT SAYING IT IS NOT GOOD!! IT IS BUT MAYBE TRY ADDING SOME RHYMING WORDS LIKE YOU USED FACE IN THE LAST LINE OF THE SECOND STANZA MAYBE RACE WOULD BE ANOTHER GOOD WORD TO RHYME- I DON'T MEAN TO BE HARSH BUT THATS THE WAY IT IS.

I REALLY ENJOYED YOUR POEM ANYWAY SO WELL DONE!!

HEY, ALLITERATIONS ALSO MAKE A MORE INETERSTING POEM!!

Um could someone please review.

Thanks