The cloud was dark
And its eyes were puffy
The tears had been coming
Building up until it would spill out all over the world
Wangsting
The cloud became lighter
Once the tears beat the ground
It lifted itself off the mountains
And searched towards space
Towards all the things it strived for
A goal
The mountain couldn't keep the cloud from leaving it
The cloud made its silver lining by moving from the mountain
The mountain didn't have one
It could not move
Except for the rocks that tumbled off of it
And destroyed more life
Self-destruction
The mountain would become nothing
After it burst out in anger
A volcano
The lava hardened on the sides of the mountain
Over the grass below the top of it
A winter would freeze the mountain over
And it would only be able to rest a place for the snow and ice
For the heart of it was cold
As was the outside of it
It was all the same content
Inside and out
Sadness
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140,716 Literary Works • 673,675 Reviews
Hey, I'm here for a review!
I really liked the concept for this poem! I loved how you paired emotions with nature and natural cycles like the water cycle, or eruptions.
I also liked how the poem flowed from the mountain to the volcano. It kept the reader engaged because it was so easy to follow. I often find that some poems can seem disjointed as the introduce new ideas, but that was not an issue at all with this poem.
Also, I appreciate that you formatted this nicely. With the same left-centering and capitalization it made the poem easier to read.
One thing I would point out is that there is literally no punctutation in this piece at all. I'm not sure if this was intended, but if it wasn't, adding punctuation would really add to the poem. It would create solid sentences that would separate different ideas from one another and make your poem stronger. But you don't have to fix it if you don't want to. This poem is already amazing, and that one edit(s) would make it even better.
But overall, I really, really, really liked this! I loved the perspective you brought to nature, and many elements of your writing are amazing! I'd love to read more of your work!
Happy Writing!
<3
This is absolutely amazing, you should really keep up the great work. I love how it describes the meaning behind this poem. How it describes the meaning of the clods feelings because it can relate to other people and how they feel. I can not wait to read your other published works. i know they'll amazing just like this poem. You should really keep up the great work. A lot of people can really relate to this because its so amazing and it can reach out to a lot of people.