Young Writers Society

Lemme review this real quick...

I meant to review this right after we had that flurry of election-related haikus, but I guess I forgot! XD

Your title is amazing and really reminds me of watching the two presidential debates and how ridiculous the president looked to myself and others. It's longer than the actual poem, and that just makes it seem a bit odd in a good way.

As for the haiku itself, I agree with the others regarding punctuation changes. Other than that, it's perfect!

Have a nice [*insert time of day here*]!!!

Wassup my dude! Here to give you some ~epic~ poetry advice, because I'm definitely an expert in political haikus.

So first, the title. Not only is the title a poem in itself, but it's even longer than the haiku, which is p cool! It doesn't quite follow the 5-7-5 syllable rule, instead being two syllables over the limit. This poem is already a masterpiece, but if the title was a haiku as well, it would give it much more depth and be extra meta.

Breaking this down line-by-line:

- line one -
I think if the comma after "quick" was changed with an exclamation point, it would be extra emphasis while also being visually appealing with all the lowercase letters.

- line two -
I'm feeling mixed about this line, because the word "that" seems vague; maybe something more specific, like "the" would be more appropriate? Or perhaps "presidential than the phrase" is more concise.

- line three -
This. So beautiful. So meaningful. What does he mean that "China ate your lunch"? Perhaps it is a metaphor, like Marie Antoinette saying, "Let them eat cake." Was President Trump insinuating that China is today's Marie Antoinette to Joe Biden or the USA? Or perhaps he is saying that China is the bully in middle school who steals your lunch money and lunch. So many possibilities! So mystical! So poetic!

But presidential? Now that's up for ~debate~...
But that's why you wrote this, right?

Can't wait for the next political haiku session.

~Carina

Love the title.

Omni!

I fully encouraged this trend of poetry, and now I feel bad about that since they're all in the Green Room, so here I am with your review. HAPPY REVMO AND STUFF.

I like the fact that your title has more syllables than the entire haiku does xD It's lofty, flowery language, but I still like it. It kind of gives a disjointed feel to have such a formal stuffy title and then the poem itself be a quick, pithy, humorous bit.

The poem itself is also good! I think you could really enhance it a bit with some punctuation tweaks. I know that punctuation and capitalization are stylistic choices in poetry, but still, they can help the reader know how things are meant to be read. So I think a "quick!" for example being followed with an exclamation mark rather than a comma can kind of help ramp up the excitement.

I think this poem flowed really nicely and you built it up well to have a humorous ending. I absolutely adore how different of poems we made using the same prompt. It's fantastic!

~Shady

"i brought back FOOTBALL...
people in ohio are
very proud of me"