Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.
They arrived back at Dr. Crev’s house to find one of the graduate students hurling her guts out in the bathroom. Raw fish didn’t agree with her, apparently. Kali greeted them in the hallway by the bathroom, her pursed lips the only sign of her distress at the situation.
“Oh, excellent,” she said, eyes dropping immediately to the coffees Avon and Kyle had insisted they buy after their failed excursion. Kali snapped up a cup and drained it in one long, upsettingly continuous gulp. Then she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and sniffed. “Sera, remind me how far you got into law school?”
“Er, most of the way through year two, why?”
“Caro is indisposed, as you’ve no doubt seen. And smelled. I’m loathe to add any more outside parties to the translation team at this point, so you are my backup. Your law knowledge may prove useful.”
Kyle danced along the edge of the hall, looking uncomfortable. “Is there another toilet somewhere? I gotta piss.”
Pointing him in the right direction, Kali took Sera by the arm. “We’re almost ready, actually, so allow me to brief you before we throw you to the proverbial arcane wolves.”
“Do I get any say in this?”
Kali rolled her eyes. “Actually, I don’t know why I didn’t think of including you sooner. Deep Oceanic A and B, from what we know of them, have very little legal terminology, which means there’s a possibility that some of the words we’re struggling over are some kind of naturalized or oddly translated version of legal terms that existed in whatever version of Survivor Common that people spoke when they crossed the sea.” She pulled Sera through the winding halls of Dr. Crev’s house, diving into things Sera didn’t understand like phonemes and graphemes and… other eemes.
And then they arrived in the work room.
Papers littered every surface. Every wall was made of book cases and supply cabinets, which even hutched over the one permanent desk installed in the far corner. A mismatched collection of foldout desks sat scattered around the space, each one piled with open books, material spell components, and the remnants of a few explosions. The only area that looked vaguely calm was a cleared out magic circle drawn in chalk on the floor, in a space that clearly had chalkboard paint slathered onto it.
Light filtered down through a single clerestory window in the center of each wall, and Sera grimaced when she realized they’d all been spelled to have adjustable time-of-day lighting, probably to augment spellwork. This was ridiculous. Wizards were so ridiculous.
“Seraphina is back!” Kali announced. “We have our ninth. We can begin the translation spell now.”
One of the grad students whooped. Dr. Crev smiled with all her sharp, dragonesque teeth. The already frantic energy in the room grew even more frantic as people collected up their papers and dashed to various positions on the magic circle.
“Ah, Gregor,” Kali called, pushing Sera to one of three spots closer to the center of the circle, “since we’re adding in Sera, we might as well pool magic via contract and see if her goddess deigns to assist. If you could move to position five instead?”
“But I’m in position five!” someone wailed.
“Go to nine, then!” Kali fired back.
“But my research”-
“Nine!” Kali shouted.
The offending grad student slumped to a different spot on the outer edge of the circle, and in short order, everyone had gathered.
As a practitioner of divine rather than arcane magic, Sera found the entire setup baffling. The crisscrossing lines between various points of the circle made no sense. And was there any rhyme or reason to the positions each scholar was stationed at?
Someone dropped one of the round flasks they’d bought at Azuria’s into her hands, and she sniffed its contents. There was seaweed in there for sure. And ink. And… fish, probably. It was pungent. Then someone else tied a hooded cloak around her shoulders.
She sent Kali a panicked look as the other girl set down stacks of paper in the true center of the circle and then stepped into her spot, but there was no answer. Dr. Crev rounded out their trio, and then everyone else settled around the circumference, and with absolutely no explanation, they all looked directly at her.
Oh. Right. The magic pool.
“Um.” Sera cleared her throat and adjusted her grip on the flask. Librata save her, her hands were sweaty. “I’ll just get started then?”
No one objected, at least. They just kept staring at her.
The words for magic-pooling came easily; she’d just done it a few days ago with Benvolius, and the conditions were still fresh in her mind. Her voice, on the other hand, did not come easy. This wasn’t life or death. This was a group of whackadoodle academics all watching her in a mixture of fascination and judgement as she tripped over her own tongue. Still though, she managed to get through the contract, and her magic leapt out of her to bridge between everyone, running like an electric current as the rest of the ritual began.
Kali tilted her head, magic-sight glasses perched on her nose, and spoke aloud in her mothertongue. The clicking, tongue-popping language was soon joined by Dr. Crev’s hissing through what Sera figured was some ancient dragonesque language. She heard Old Common from somewhere behind her, and then several more languages she couldn’t recognize at all. Feeling uneducated–Sera spoke only the common tongue–she glanced down at the pungent flask in her hands.
Someone had written in awkward cursive, “May my mind join this meeting and build bridges fleeting.” Was she supposed to say that? Sera listened more closely to the voice speaking Old Common and tried to parse it out. They were definitely all repeating something over and over again.
Ugh. If no one would bother to explain, then it wasn’t her fault if she messed this up! Sera started quietly, repeating the line on her flask over and over.
She couldn’t tell if it was real, or the ritual playing tricks on her, but as Sera continued to mutter “may my mind join this meeting” over, and over, and over again, the room grew dark. Every candle in the circle became a blazing pinprick of light. The nose-twisting smell from the flasks ebbed and flowed like the tide, playing havoc on her tearducts and snaking down onto her tongue. Her magic thrummed through it all, pulsing like a heartbeat, and she felt it as every disparate language and voice condensed, matching cadence. Her breathing matched Kali and Dr. Crev’s. Her heart fell into perfect sync.
The candles whooshed out, suddenly. Sera felt the prick of something foreign at the edge of her brain.
And then she blacked out.
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'Tis the end of an era! Hia Vent, Alex is here to review the latest chapter of LL. I guess this is it for now, until you post a new chapter. Feel free to tag me please, whenever you do! You've build some very compelling characters who've grown on me a lot more than I anticipated. Their dynamics hook you and the plot keeps us going. Oh, I'll miss it so much.. Let's dive into it~
Well, someone's definitely a caffeine addict. This actually made me realise of one the major writing moves you played, and why. I remember my earlier claims that Kali seemed too perfect to be believed. Yet when you showed me this side of her, I treated it with hostility and considered it to be inconsistency in your own writing. I've learned time and time again that it's very often, indeed the case. You're showing the toll Kali's overbearing perfection has on her mood and health, aren't you? I feel like such a fool for missing it, for it makes SO MUCH sense now! The controlling and coffee are just to keep her sane and going in a world which expects so much for her. In all of our heroes, I believe her to be the most responsible too and I understand why that can be draining. The only real flaw I still find to the writing is that both of these version are overly polished and presented seperately. There needs to be more struggle between the two sides, since they're both Kali at the end of the day. Perhaps more coherency as well, when she comes to accept both sides to her. Dealing with the pressure in a healthy is definitely a good challenge to portray her rising upto, can't wait to see the development you give her!
I don't think I talk about it enough, but you really know how to set up a scene Vent! I find myself struggling with that part of storywriting the most, so it always impresses me see a writer nail it as impeccably as you do. The imagery is pretty neatly worked through one detail at a time, and really helped my imagination see the place you were directing it to. The right background makes the action seem so much more magical, like I'm sitting right there watching the translation ritual happen in real time. I especially loved the contrast you drew to the magic circle, how it's lacking of the chaos everywhere else. That makes it obvious where the playing field is, without you having to say a world clarifying it.
I can certainly see the 'forcing the intellectuals' thing Dr. Crev was talking about, they really seem to be bossing around everyone irrespective of their contribution. I fear this may cause some grudges to be held, and it might sting back to our heroes in the worst way possible. At least that's a very good possibility to consider including, so that it feels like this full circle moment. I do think Kali could've prepared a better plan here to begin with, especially since she states she should've included Sera from the beginning, and not just as a substitute. If we thought everything through, everyone would be at a position that caters to their liking or role, instead of a pushing away a grad student who may soon land up in a powerful position to take revenge for the humiliation. I do think moving just him was the only practical solution this late without much disorder, though I think we'll be wishing someday that she moved everyone to the next closest desired position on the circle.
I'm a little torn on the whole religious Sera thing- is she really serious about her faith? Because I see her breaking the instructions whenever she feels convenient and seems to prefer adventuring over it anyday, but still defends it over the other forms of magic in a proud manner. I find this to be a typically flawed human behaviour, except it might still need some clarification. She does raise valid concerns so one theory is that she's on whatever side reason prevails. The other could be that she's complaining of something she has by herself, but defends her choices when questioned by other as it reflects her own too. I feel like she love-hate it, where she didn't prefer it before but it became thr place she turned to and was saved by, after she left law school following her sister's death.
Most fascinating! I've always thought I'd crumble in the situations you put your characters in, but they seem to be fearing something different altogether. Fearing embarassment and judgement over danger of death is certainly a twisted decision but makes sense for people who have spent all their lives at the brink of danger in the adventures they took. Society scares more than life- I believe you've beautifully captured that here. They've got more experience in dealing with life risking events than socially awkward ones.
I get her argument, but she's definitely making excuses right now. Not sure if Sera was always this agitated, but I suppose I prefer this to her earlier very touchy tendencies towards others. I think it's her anxiety of being pulled in it last minute without no prepration or notice whatsoever that she requires more guidance and calming. At the same time, if Kali couldn't expect her of knowing exactly what to do, it was fair to expect for Sera to be calm, focus and copy the others the best she can. Her nerves are definitely not helping here, even if she's right! Kali may have been to blame for overlooking Sera before, but is isn't so much so for expecting Sera to pull her own weight, since they've come on the other side of a hundred times more tricky situations.
Exactly I was hoping Sera would've got her mind to do! I guess I like this subtle predictability of the plot- makes reading seem more fulfilling. I'm sure the change of lighting proved something was working and she got the sign to keep going. You only take the lead once, rest of the places fall into place themselves. I do think the phrase is a little silly, but I suppose that is in LL's very blood of being.
Simple and yet works! It feels like reaching the peak of the ritual and something big will follow right after. I feel a sense of rush and slight panic as I read this- they do wonders for the imagery!
Well, I personally hate these endings just because they're a bit overused and kill creativity and general. Plus now you'll keep me waiting on what actually happens of the the translation ritual- if they'll be successful and fine something worthy or this'll end up as just another dead end. Either way, I think LL has won enough of my faith to bit my tounge at this cliffhanger and keep faith that some better writing and plot to hook me more, awaits on the other side.
That's all for my side, Vent. This was an amazing journey, thank you for making LL! Tag me when Ch21 comes out and I'll be glad to follow along the story. Your characters definitely have my heart <3
Love, Alex
Hi again Vento!
Lim here with a short review. I think I already gave you some of my thoughts about this chapter on your wall, but I thought I might give some additional feedback based on reading this version (acknowledging that it's the LMS phase of the writing).
Characters:
- I appreciate Kali's quick, snappy movements in the opening scene and her calm depsite the chaos around her. Some of this I definitely remember even during the monster fight but she definitely has this energy of being 'in her element' in the research scenes.
- I kind of wish we got to see a bit more of Dr. Crev here since she's even more experienced in academia than Kaliko. On a second read, it feels kind of unusual that she doesn't say anything in this chapter (outside of reciting words in the ritual).
-
I wonder why Kali didn't brief Sera before thrusting her into the ritual. Is it faith in her ablities or just assumptions about what they teach in law school?
Plot: Not a huge amount happens plot-wise this chapter, though we do get one step closer to unravelling the mystery of the Wilde family. As I think I've mentioned before, I like how we get to see how different types of magic work in this setting. Arcane magic seems to involve a lot more external symbols and infrastructure compared to divine magic.
Other:
I liked this bit, it made me smile xD
Beautiful. Haven't personally met any grad students like this (most people I know tend to put social norms and being cooperative over their research) but I'm sure this is how some feel on the inside, and it made for a funny moment.
I feel it's hard to imagine what "a prick of something foreign" is like. Is it like some kind of supernatural presence?
Overall: I thought this chapter was nice and compact. It gets across the key plot information without feeling too rushed or too overwhelming. It does sort of leave me expecting the next part to be about Sera seeing some kind of magical presence or having a vision, even though I already know the ritual is just to get a translation of the inscriptions xD I think that might just be my expectations from rituals in fantasy generally.
Hope this helps, and keep writing!
-Lim
Okay, let’s go LL my beloved =D
Did she… did she try to eat Kali… The way the sentences are structured…Hope LMS is kind to you, vento ^^
Excellent image XD
I like how Kali is recruiting Sera into this which should give us the chance to witness the ritual as readers!!
Also peculiar that Kyle bolts at the first opportunity. Is this you wanting him out of the scene or is there something more going on?
I LOVE the explanation Kali gives on why Sera can be useful and ofc the linguistic quirks of Oceanic etc. I am so here for this! (Also it is so immersively written. Thank you for existing and for writing and sharing!)
HAHAHAHAHAH <3 (also hah, I know what those are XD)
Ah nothing like a light explosion to spice up your translating =D
*violent flashback to rebel’s story’
But other than that, I love the technicalities, that ofc the position in the circle matters, that everyone is scabbling for their place and the frantic energy. I am highly entertained =D
While I appreciate Sera’s thoughts, I find this line really annoying. Like, she just watched Kali change the position of each scholar very deliberately to account for Sera’s different power set. So Sera thinking that “hurdidur could there be a reason for the specific placement” makes her sound very dumb. It is ok for her to ridicule the circle and the connecting lines but to go for THIS when Kali JUST showed that there is a rhyme or reason makes me angry :/ She can wonder why they are positioned that way, like what makes the scholar in pos1 better than the on in pos3 or whatever and maybe wonder abt what laws govern this etc (and idk why I get so hung up on this. It just rubs me the wrong way.)
Guess that is part of why the other student is indisposed atm XD Also I love that they just hand her requisites to wear for the spell that she doesn’t get why they are necessary. Just that they are XD
I do wish Sera would ask for more explanation on what her role is gonna be. Like when will she be called to do the legalise? How will that look like? Does she already know this? She doesn’t sound like it so maybe this could have gone into a bit of narration. Like you could say in one exposition sentence that the rest of the scholars bring her up to speed to her future contributions to the spell etc (if you don’t want to explain it)
Right now, it feels as if they are just throwing Sera to the wolves with little preparation—which, for such a massive ritual including so many ppl and specific setups is kinda an oversight?
TRUE, girl! They really did throw you to the wolves, huh Sera? Then again as someone who works with language academics professionally (the are called “Geisteswissenschaften” which means “mind sciences” in German but Geist can also mean “ghost” and so my technician buddies deride them as “ghost scientists” or “ghosties” whenever we talk to them. Yes. We say “Da sind wieder die ghosties” even in German XP), well as someone who works with ghosties, I can totally see them royally screwing up like this too.
I really like this chapter. Very well done :3
Haha yeah we are definitely getting into 'Vento didn't think very hard while writing this' territory, so everyone is about to get stupider and slower and more repetitive.