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Dirty Blonde

by Vaibhav


"I'll meet you in twenty minutes". As I hung up the phone I remembered that my wallet's leather has worn out and made a note to buy one on the route. The weather was cloudy and the alley which was supposedly a shortcut to the city was heavily crowed.

It was a difficult climb up as the way was on a rise and there were people all around. As I reached the main street, there was a woman, in her thirties or so it appeared, who had a huge baggage with her. She had blonde hair and wore typical american attire. I do not wait and reflect on distinct looking strangers but history has evidence that wars have started from minor brawls.

"Hey, mister would you please help me with my baggage", a sailor-voice pleaded. Though it didn't matter and I was getting late, I decided to help her out.

"Can you help me with some money?"

"Sorry, I am running short of cash"

Few encounters can save us a lot of labour and few of them can result evidently in a humanity crisis as it would present. A few days later, as I was driving, I found the same woman standing on the roadside. Though she asked me for a lift, I ignored the entire scenario and moved along.

On my way, I stopped to buy an item at a shop adjacent to police station.

"These people are reckless. They don't know what they are dealing with." said a policeman

"Maybe. Ignorance can be a cause", replied another.

One of them pulled out a picture of a women out of his pocket and showed it to other.

"This woman filed a case last month. Later when she was proved wrong, she continued to fight us through one means or the other"

"Let me have look."

As he looked at the photograph, I caught a glimpse of her face. It was the same woman!

"Maybe some people enjoy fighting the law"

"Oh! I know her. Apparently, her lover who was a gangster was killed in an encounter last month. Since then she had been urging higher authorities to look into the case"

I had a sudden partly horror, partly dismay subjugation of inner conscience. Too much baggage in life can not only result in some enigmatic losses but also the moral compass would be distorted urging some dramatic directions. It was about dusk and a deep reflection of modern mayhem was perturbed by a crane tolling my vehicle which was in a no-parking zone. Another mayhem!

Next day, I sat at the footsteps of my door reflecting on how low the modern civilization can stoop which was due to confiscation of my vehicle and another was the revelation which I faced yesterday. I was yet to submit my article to a magazine on "Market Policy".

Unable to get my mind off this situation, I urged my journalist friend, living next door, to submit the article.

"I would", he said. "But my situation is same. I had to interview the commissioner this evening and submit the statement on the recent encounter. But I am running short of time."

"Complete the article. I will take care of the interview. Give me your ID"

A mass communication course never came more handy. Moreover, I have to get my vehicle from police headquarters too.

To my surprise, the commissioner was not available. Hence, I was able to record statements of the officer in charge. It turns out that he was facing some situation with the blonde woman regarding the encounter. Having some context of the case and a personal misery which I was subjected to since then, I had to do something about it.

"An exposè would do. Atleast it would take the heat off of you." I suggested

"For how long?"

"Till media covers it. Maybe perpetually"

An article was published in the newspaper and it was on headlines for a few months. Opposite to one's expectation, it wore off the heat from police and the limelight did its job perfectly. The case was transfered to another department. Throughout the period, the woman never let her guard down and the policemen, realising that it was a matter of heart, never pressed upon her.

After nearly four months from the incident, I was standing near a shop when I saw that woman again. She was just passing by. She had changed a bit and had a confused look on her face. In her latest interview, she made a statement.

"I fought the law"

It took me back to time when I overheard the conversation of two policemen. And I couldn't agree more.

In every case, when someone's destiny is re-routed to a meaningless destination someone is involved. Someone who knew what he was doing. And maybe someday, destiny would reveal to her that some people were involved, some people apart from the ones who fought, people like me who had a hand in it which changed her direction to completely new junction. For better or for worse.


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7 Reviews


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Reviews: 7

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Thu Sep 03, 2020 8:28 pm
TeyaKnife wrote a review...



Hello there Vaibhav!

Someone has already corrected some of your grammatical errors, but there are still quite a few left. You are mostly missing punctuation marks, and a few spaces here and there. Your story is also some what confusing, and I don't exactly understand the plot. Is he a police officer? And also what is a sailor-voice? Also, in the kindest way possible, it kind of sounds like you sent you paper through an online program to give it more advanced words. That might not be true, it's just what I, personally, heard.

I do think that your word choice is very high-level showing that you have a distinguished vocabulary. Considering that fact, I would suggest maybe practicing grammar a little. Because you missed a quite a few periods, and camas.

Anyways, please continue writing as this story has potential. I hope this helped you, and I really meant nothing offensive by it. If you did consider it rude, I sincerely apologize. Thank you for writing!
-Teya Knife



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Vaibhav says...


Hi
Thanks for the review.
Sailor voice is a harsh distinct tone and no he is not a police officer.



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184 Reviews


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Sun Aug 30, 2020 5:05 pm
MissGangamash wrote a review...



Happy Review Day!

I'll write as I'm reading...

'my wallet's leather have worn' = 'my wallet's leather has worn'

'shortcut to the city was heavily crowed' = 'was heavily crowded(?)'

'there was a woman, in her thirties or so it appeared' = 'a woman in her thirties, or so it appeared'

Typical american attire?, would be useful to have a little detail here.

'help me with my baggage' = needs a '?'

'said policeman1' = said a policeman' (?)

'but my situation is same' = 'but my situation is the same'

'she had changed a bit' = this is odd to mention as we never really got a description in the first place. It would help to describe her first, then say how she has changed.

aaannd finished. And I'm still unsure as to what this story is about? It seems very rushed and needs more description. It's quite difficult to follow and reads like you just really wanted to quickly finish the story.



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Vaibhav says...


Hey,
Thanks for the review. The story is about changing of destiny or a temporary destiny through interference of other people around us.



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Sun Aug 30, 2020 3:07 am
Liminality wrote a review...



This seems to be a somewhat philosophical story, referencing butterfly effect and how small things can have large impacts. There's quite a few quotes here that I like, for instance "wars have started from minor brawls", which is short but telling of the story's subject. I do like that the story begins with an everyday incident and then spirals into something bigger plot-wise.

1. I like this bit of dialogue: "I would," he said. "But my situation . . . " The pause at "I would" feels like natural speech, which makes the character easier to imagine. Another piece of dialogue I liked was "I fought the law." It's just enough to convey what the woman means to say, but doesn't feel like too much explaining.

2. Again, there are some nice quotes and phrases here that come across as poetic - and that's hard to do! I liked the phrase "modern mayhem", because it creates an atmosphere of chaos, which emphasises how lines of cause and effect are difficult to see both in the world of your story and in our world. I also liked ". . . the policemen, realising that it was a matter of heart, never pressed upon her". This sentence has a gentle and poetic tone, contributing to that philosophical atmosphere.

3. I had some problems following the exact plot of the story because of the tense usage. The plot moves fast, which is good for a short story, but I would appreciate the events and details being written more cohesively. For instance, "A mass communication course never came . . . " is written in past tense, but the sentence following it "Moreover, I have to get . . . " is suddenly in present tense, which makes the writing confusing to read.

4. Another thing I would like to see more of in the story is descriptive language, because that helps convey the plot more clearly. As it is, I can only gather that the story is about a writer who unknowingly drives past a woman searching for her lover's killer and regrets not helping her. Thus, they decide to write an expose on the murder case. I imagine it would be easier to understand and also more immersive to have more description instead of vague phrases like "typical american attire" and "a sailor-voice". What is "typical american attire" for this time period? Maybe a frock and a sun hat? Describe it :D

5. My favourite paragraph is the last one, because it sums up the meaning of the story without sounding preachy or moralising. It's ambiguous, which I like, especially with the last line "For better or for worse".

Overall, I think this story has a lot of potential. It's interesting, the characters have simple but effective arcs, but the writing is difficult to follow. There's a balance to strike between being fast-paced and having enough description, and I think it can be reached in this story with some more refinement. I'm not sure how the title "Dirty Blonde" is relevant to the story. From what I see, only "blonde" hair is mentioned, which is a different shade of blonde from dirty blonde, but that is just a side note. Regardless, I strongly encourage you to keep writing and refining your stories, even if you choose to leave this one as it is, because there's a lot of potential in this style of pithy, philosophical tale. Hopefully you'll find these comments helpful, and keep writing!

Cheers,
Liminality



Random avatar
Vaibhav says...


Hey liminality,
Thanks for the review. I'll make necessary changes in the story.




Sometimes I'm terrified of my heart; of its constant hunger for whatever it is it wants. The way it stops and starts.
— Poe