Nothing less of a scene; a stage is praised,
As the red velvet is raised,
"Do your parts and depart"
Is the command in a voice parched.
Not only by their tounge but also hands,
They represent someone else's amends,
Known only to them and the strings which connect,
Oh! Puppets of their own dialect.
The characters come in their own sequence,
Some battle, some rattle and some were of no consequence,
Still had an essence,
Which sent the spectators into reminiscence.
Then with a sudden thud,
The play goes down with no fudge,
The cables falling and the lights flicking,
Alas! Reminds me of our Old Man's saying.
"When the reckoning arrives,
Its not the string that deprives,
But the hands which held you dearly,
That thou danced for so eagerly."
Falling strings bring down upon,
The puppeteer's will that beckon,
To fulfill its fate,
Or to settle like a scape.
Now it must dance to the lure,
Never heard before,
Not only for the audience upfront,
But also his master's refund.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,024 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
Hello, Vaibhav! This will be a very short review, seeing as I didn't find anything I didn't enjoy! I know you are most likely looking for some feedback, but I'm sorry, I couldn't find anything that you may want to change or look into. It is short but tells you so much, and I think that good poets are the people who know how to do that, so great job!
I don't write poetry myself, and if I'm being honest, I don't know much about it either, but I did really enjoy reading this, so amazing job!
I hope you have a nice day, and if you ever post another poem, PLEASE LET ME KNOW, and I would love to read it!
Hey,
Thanks. And sure I'll let you know if I write another poem.
Hi, Vaibhav. I'm here for a quick review.
First of all, Welcome to YWS! I hope you enjoy it here and I hope you have a nice day.
I love this beautiful piece of writing and I very much enjoyed reading this poem. However, I have some suggestions you might as well consider. I might a bit offense, please understand that it was not written that way on purpose. If you don't agree with my suggestion and you have your own reasons, you don't have to read this part. But may I suggest a few things before you.
"Nothing less of a scene; a stage is praised,
As the red velvet is raised,
"Do your parts and depart"
Is the command in a voice parched."
Ov
I think it's a be abrupt to just end the first stanza with a comma. You use a semi-column for the first incomplete sentence part, and you wrote another fragment, but you didn't end it with a semi-column or a period. So I keep on thinking this part doesn't really fit. I suggest you to use a period or another semi-column for the second part of the stanza.
I don't really understand the next part. You suddenly use a dialogue and I can't find a specific reason why you would do that or why you've wrote that way. I don't think that part really mattered with the dialogue mark or not. But it's a bit of surprise; I want to know what that part really meant and why you made is a dialogue. Please understand my confused mind and explain it, if you don't mind.
"Now it must dance to the lure,
Never heard before,
Not only for the audience upfront,
But also his master's refund.:
Overall, it's a lovely piece of masterpiece you've created here. It's beautiful and unique in its own way. I never thought to write a poem about this kind of thing. I thoroughly love reading this, and I'm so glad you've wrote this and share with the site.
Keep on writing!
Best wishes, Melody
I understand the first part of this stanza, but I have a suggestion for the second part. "Never heard before". You should say, "The sound it never heard before." I know it's the authors creatively and stuff in writings, especially poetry, but I do suggest you do add a few words to not make it a bit bumpy and ruin the beautiful flow of this poem.
HEY
THANKS for your review.
Much appreciated.