How She Became Chloris(The Nymph of Spring and Flowers)

I thought this was very entertaining since I too love Greek Mythology and I thought you captured the essence of this myth beautifully. I would say that your use of descriptive language was very good and to me I thought you captured the nymph wonderfully. This poem was wonderfully crafted even if you don't know how to make stanzas I still thought this was wonderfully written and I can't wait to see more from your talented writing skills.

Alright,

This is a sweet poem, and I rather enjoyed it. But there are a few things I will like to comment on.

First, your use of punctuation isn't consistent. Punctuation in poetry is somethin that you can either have, or leave out. But if you choose to use it, you need to be consistent in your usage. Unless deciding to not use in half of your poem serves a purpose to the message or poem itself, you need to have it throughout. Some stanzas have no commas or fullstops where they should be, others have too many. Always read your poetry out now so you are aware where the natural pauses are. Poetry is designed to be read aloud, so you need to write it in a way that makes it easy to do so. Your use of ellipses ses is excessive, but the others have already pointed that out. But, it's not just the use of them for line breaks, which didn't really bother me, it's more within the stanzas themselves. Commas are just fine, readers know when to pause, so you don't need ellipses

Your choice of diction is good majority of the time. You have some really good phrases and lines that are full of emotion, but you occasionally miss the mark. For example "the shaft of the sun" threw me off a bit. I'm not sure if you decided to go with shaft because ray seemed too cliche, but I promise "the ray of the sun" or "rays of the sun" would have worked fine here. My favourite stanza was the seventh, it has some really great imagery, but one suggestion is to change the last line to "the sky will hold the Nile of blue", that is just personal, but I feel it would help with the flow and the ryhme.

Overall I really like this poem, a few bits of tweaking could be done here or there to make it even better. But it is very good! Keep writing.
Nargles xx

Well well well! What do we have here? Just a master piece from such a young kid.
I am glad I got some time to read and review this cute poem of yours.
So, I've got to say a couple of things!

1) How to make stanzas? lol
I know every other guy on this place struggles to give a proper structure to their poems. I don't know why the moderators still haven't worked on making the site more user friendly.
Well, here you go. Press the "shift" button along with the "enter" button to make the sentences come closer to each other. Say abracadabra! Well, there you go. Congrats. No you can write some really cute poems with proper stanzas.

2) The stanzas were of a good and reasonable size but the sentences in every stanza was kinda short. I would like to recommend you to improve on this issue. Try to make the sentences a bit longer to look more professional.

3) If there is any kind of an author's note stuff, try to post it on top of your work. It isn't anything bad to put it on the bottom but still...

Some really cool reviews below me left me with nothing more to say than this.
Overall, it is a really cute poem. I liked it and it is really good that you wrote it this way. Well done. You are super smart!

Keep writing and I can't wait to read another really mature topic story/poem from a young kid like you! Keep up the good work. You rock!

Hey! This was awesome! I'm not a great poet but I really liked this. I've never heard of Chloris before and it confused me. I thought the goddess of spring was Persephone? Maybe I'm wrong. Anyway, on to my review!

I thought your word choices were really on point with this whole poem. You picked words and phrases that evoked a lot of emotions and a lot of really vivid imagery. Particularly the phrases where you talked about how she felt she was in the darkness, and then went on to being brought into the warmth of the light and the song. It felt like being sunk into a warm bath and it was really nice.

I also liked your tag at the end, about how you don't have a religious reason you just like the mythos, and I just wanted to say, it's perfectly okay to love the mythos of a religion that isn't your own! I personally am Christian but I also love to read about Greek and Norse religious mythos stories.

Okay, so on to what I thought needed improvement.

I thought the part where you put *muses kind of threw off the rhythm of the story. It's a small change but maybe put muses* instead?

There were a few too many "..."s for my taste, but I realize you used them in place of a stanza. I think you can just hit enter a few times and that'll give you the desired effect.

Excellent work
Write on!
Ingrid

Hi there, Littlefox here to review your poem

I'm not an expert at poetry, but I really love anything about Greek mythology, so I will try to give what advice I can.

One problem I have with this is all the ellipses. They are okay to use every once in a while, but in most cases a comma works much better than the dots.And where you have used them to create new stanzas, I think just blank space is the usual method.

Other than that this was really good. I would just go through it a little to clean up some spots, but I liked this a lot.

Sorry I don't have much more advice, I've only written a few poems so my experience here is lacking Anyway keep on writing and using that talent!

-LittleFox