Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,020 Literary Works • 672,730 Reviews
This was gorgeous. I just want to snuggle up to it and cry (even though i never cry). I'll just drink hot chocolate instead.
I like this poem very much
Everything about it just screamed "Read Me" from reading the title i was captivated and i am so glad you wrote this. Everything you said is true and i want to thank you for writing such a great piece of work.
I was a little confused with some of your wording choices but it was nothing that took away from the beauty and truth of your amazing poem
Keep writing because i would love to read more of your work
-MusicLover797
Muffins!
So. Poem. It was really good, especially the repetition. It gave a good flow to the whole thing. But, at this part:
The flow kind of broke. At least, when I was reading it, it became difficult for me to find a flow at this point. Probably because the third line was too long compared to the others. So you could write it as, "All souls are terrified."
Then here:
So. Here, firstly i think "the" is unnecessary. Then, "Lay" will be "Lie" because it's present tense. Also, I think you meant "emotions", not "emoticons". Or maybe that's just me.
Otherwise, I liked the poem! Especially the first stanza. It was a really strong way to begin the poem and gave an idea of what you were talking about. And the ending is absolutely true.
~Titi~
I really liked this poem, it's very intelligent and I particularly liked the rhyme scheme and how you break it in the end by moving the couplet up a line.
Keep writing!!
I did feel as if there was a sort of lack of progression between images until the last stanza. It just seemed like a list of ideas, so maybe you could use a metaphor that reoccurs throughout the whole poem and progresses till the end to make it even better.
Then, you could have a title linking to that metaphor instead of the current title, because this one gives away the message. You could also use more sound effects like alliteration, assonance, sibilance, percussiveness, etc.
A really great idea overall! Just needs to be more poem-like, but even as it is I still loved it so well done.