*This poem was created in approximately 15 minutes; I started on it almost immediately after finish my 9th grade End of Course test for English I*
**This poem was published in the yearbook and inspired an entire Art for the Heart page**Love Lives in the Dark
The rabid monstrosities
Of the light
Have never known
Their darkened rights.
Day by day they
Shine upon us,
Casting our shadows
Far and wide.
This is the life
They have known,
The rays of sunlight
That are forever shown.
But there is a
World where all light hides,
Consumed by night,
No creature thrives.
I speak of the heart,
Though burning and passionate,
It is dark and desolate,
Anyone who enters will never leave the same.
By:
Brandon Hill
xoxo
***The first stanza may be confusing to some, so I'll explain it here: I was saying that the light has only known one life, such as slaves that felt that that's all they were meant for.***
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Okay, COMPLETELY disregard the first two notes if you wish, they're only tid bits of info. As for the third note, that was a poor analogy.
With the last sentence of the last stanza, it was meant to be drug out to sound dramatic, also while ending the poem with a sort of finality.
I'm a little confused about all oi this.
First, there's the two disclaimer-notes. I guess they're just there to tell us about the poem, but they made me a little confused. The first one was the obligatory : shucks, I only wrote it in five minutes, please be nice. The second was really impressive: this poem has been published, albeit in the yearbook.
So I don't know what you're trying to tell me. I would suggest that you just omit the first one and keep the second.
Then the poem. I thought I was getting it on some surface level. There's light, this light knows nothing else; but there's a separate world of darkness and that is the heart.
But then in the note you talk about slaves and then I saw the word "light" to mean white people and the word rights was talking about the Black movement. So I'm just going to disregard that thought because that obviously was not what you were getting at.
I agree with the critique-er above about this stanza
It really should rhyme.
And the last stanza was a tad off-rhythm
Both the second and forth lines are long; and the forth one is much too wordy. It kind of ends on a flat note.
Besides that, I think this poem was a little beyond me. Good rhyme scheme for the most part and great imagery. Keep writing
Thank you very much.
The first stanza probably does seem confusing to a lot of people, so I'll edit the first post to explain.
EDIT:
DrunkOnWriting: I hadn't even realized that I added a particular rhyme scheme lol. But I think that I'll keep it as it is.
Extremely powerful poem, well written and full of emotion!
Just one thing bothered me about this. It seems as though there is just one stanza that isn't rhyming...
while the others are. Perhaps you would consider rewording it to read something like this:
Just a suggestion:) an otherwise marvelous piece of work!
The rabid monstrosities
Of the light
Have never known
Their darkened rights.
Sorry but I guess I lost it some where there maybe due to my lack of vocabulary, and lost dictionary,hehe.
Then again I think I got evthing from the next para onwards. Very deep thinking for a 9th grader, man. you definitely got great potential.