The Mishap of Harry
Harry, a business man with no care in the world,
Married to a shy woman, by the name of Isabelle.
They took turns sharing the bills and twirled,
Then later both were kissable.
_______________________________
One day, while the sun was high in the sky,
Harry was groaning and sighing,
All the time he was wished to say good-bye,
He spent most of his day crying.
_________________________________
Finally, after all the time he spent dying
Harry looked at the mirror,
His eyes, blood-shot and whining,
Closed for the end of a life, so much clearer.
__________________________________
Isabelle, tired and moody,
Walked into their bathroom,
To find her love, her beauty,
His brain splattered.
__________________________
She wept for 5 days straight,
Then one day, Isabelle looked at the mirror her husband once did,
Her eyes looking clear and great,
Smiled and left, without a good-bid.
_________________________________
To her husband, Harry
Who is now, on the floor,
Being sat one by their own dog,
Eating a raw and juicy steak.
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Canary word: Present
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,827 Reviews
Hello!
Stegosaurus here for a review!
This poem has the perfect humor that few can actually try to do. It seems to be the kind that you would read when you are sad or need something to make you laugh. This would be in my line of humor, which is hard to grasp and understanding. As I am reading, I can imagine most of the imagery you provided. The characters you have seemed to be like a normal couple, however, I am confused as to what had happened to poor Harry. All I could think is he was shot in the head by his wife, who doesn't remember shooting him in the head. However, I could be wrong.
Your rhyming pattern for this poem seems a little weak. It doesn't have that feel for moving it along-- just like a road needing paved. The spacing for the stanzas seems a bit off (shift + enter, can fix this and make it perfectly easy stanzas) also the main theme for this poem is kinda off and on. From what I understand, some poems don't have a theme and just have a rhyme-- like free-style (which I think this poem is?).
Instead of writing 5, write five since it could disrupt the pattern for words.
Overall, this was a lovely and humorous poem. I hope to read more of your work in the near future.
If you like me to go over anything, let me know!
Steggy
Dang so who killed the husband??????? Lol hi Tuesday I like the poem and it was worded very good. But who killed homeboy Harry???/ Did he off himself or did the wife do it???? And the dog, he has a steak who gave him that? Is it really a steak he's eating???? All these mysteries make you wonder and that's why I love this poem.....please write more when you get a chance.
Heya!
So, I enjoy this kind of humor. Alot.
I really liked this poem. I enjoyed the straight forwardness.
Well done. This humor seems to be the target market for all young people these days.
It made me feel it was all very sudden though. It was like there was no gap between happiness and depression but that's the only thing that bugged be a little. Otherwise all great wording and grammar. It's quite interesting how she left him on the floor!
Please keep writing
Hey, octoberskye here!
First off, I think this is actually really funny. This is definitely my kind of humor. My favorite part was how you put a bit of romance, death, and humor all together. It's so good!
One thing that I've found to be really useful and funny when writing comedic poems (if you continue to write like this. You should!) is stating a simple fact blatantly. Which you actually did here, in the fourth stanza:
Isabelle, tired and moody,
Walked into their bathroom,
To find her love, her beauty,
His brain splattered.
That last line is put so simply and to the point, that it made me laugh.
I think this is an awesome poem, keep it up!!
hey Tuesday, prithamrittika is here for a review. firstly i want to tell you i am not good in writing reviews. but i will try my best. firstly in the poem the name of husband and wife is good (harry and isabelle). the poem is like a story of harry. this thing i liked. i like this lines:
"Finally, after all the time he spent dying
Harry looked at the mirror,
His eyes, blood-shot and whining,
Closed for the end of a life, so much clearer."
and i like this lines also
"Isabelle, tired and moody,
Walked into their bathroom,
To find her love, her beauty,
His brain splattered."
i like the poem.
keep writing like this......