Sudden Discomfort

Each night I am awoken by a sound,
The silent shade is disturbed by a noise.
It is a short and sharp piercing sound,
It echoes around my room as interrupts my dreams.

Behind the curtains I can see the branches,
Slender thin branches reach out and tap the window.
The leaves brush against the glass,
The spikes on the leaves scratch, almost trying to get inside;

But I enjoy seeing the outline of blossom on the tree.
Each petal so different to the others,
I can see the shadows of petals float past my window,
As I try to sleep.

But this night, there is no wind to carry the pink blossom;
Nor to move the branches to tap my window;
The thing that scares me the most,
I don’t have a tree outside my window;

Hi! Let's jump right in, shall we?

Structure and Word Choice

I'm going to try to give you a few tips on structure, because you've got some really strong, intense descriptions, but at the moment the way the lines are put together is letting you down. And it's a shame because it's really only a word out of place here and there and very quick to put right!

We'll use your first stanza as an example, I hope you don't mind!

Each night I am awoken by a sound,
The silent shade is disturbed by a noise. << I'd choose to omit the 'is' here as it's breaking the flow of your poem!
It is a short and sharp piercing sound, << The repetition of sound here needs to go! You are being too vague in your description, telling us it's a sound or a noise. By this point we need a word put to it, whether that's bang or whistle or shriek. What kind of a sound is this?
It echoes around my room as interrupts my dreams. << This line doesn't work because it feels like it's missing an 'it' and even when that's there, it feels too long and too close to prose. When you're writing poetry, you don't get many words so you need to make good use of them! You should also be aiming to always give your reader something they can picture and because your first stanza is so sound heavy, it's even more important to ground this in an actual image. Make us see this sound as well as hear it. Instead of repeating that the persona has been awoken from their dreams (we got this in line one) you can use the words to give us greater detail of the room and sound. Maybe, 'It echoes like the last breath of a gun' which would tell us the sound is violent, or: 'It pounces like a puppy on my bed' which would tell us it is soft but eager.

Fragmentation

One of the best tools for building atmosphere in poetry is fragmentation and this works really well with repetition, so I thought I'd show how your second stanza could benefit from it. Here's what you've got so far:

Behind the curtains I can see the branches,
Slender thin branches reach out and tap the window.
The leaves brush against the glass,
The spikes on the leaves scratch, almost trying to get inside;

Hello there! I came across this literary work expecting o see something other than what I did. The good news is, I was most certainly, pleasantly surprised! It appears I have unearthed a masterpiece with much potential!

The imagery here, the use of descriptive words all contributed to the tone. I got a chilling feeling here. Similar to what Tucker said, I thought of Edgar Allan Poe. Edgar is one of my only favorite poets of "dark nature". He wrote a very famous one, The Raven, which was the name of a movie last year.

Anyway, regarding the content, I have virtually no complaints. Dogs here addressed the lines that seemed to lack a "flow" to them. Everything else was pretty neat.

On an unrelated note, I don't know if you've been told this before, but you should check out Edgar Allan Poe.

I absolutley loved it!

Hello there Illusion! Dogs here with your review today. Well well, this was some excellent writing here. I got a sense of Edgar Allan Poe style of writing with that final creepy punchline you deliver at the end. Really I don't have any complaints about this piece content wise, although, there are a few lines in regard to flow and word choice of your writing that I will address. Let's dive in now shall we?

"It echoes around my room as interrupts my dreams."

Nice description in the first stanza, although a little overuse of the word "sound." However, in this line you need to say: "Echoing across my room, disturbing my dreams." My word choice here helps shorten up the line so it flows smoother, and it makes more sense. Other wise you need an "it" before "interrupts" in the line.

"Slender thin branches reach out and tap the window."

Really try to push the terrifying feel of this piece. And something tapping on my window doesn't really seem something that I'd get incredibly worked up about. But if it was "screeching" or "wailing" or "scraping" or something more descriptive against the window... I'd be a tad bit more worried.

"The spikes on the leaves scratch, almost trying to get inside;"

This line is a little too long in comparison to the rest of the poem. I would suggest that you break it into two different lines after the comma. Just to help with the flow of your writing.

"I can see the shadows of petals float past my window,"

Again a little too long, try saying something more like: "I can see the shadows of petals/ float past my window." Whatever works best for you.

Nice ending, a good way to bring closure to this piece. You do, however, overuse the word "window" and "tap." Try throwing in a larger variety of words to really help out your flow and what not. I enjoyed reading this piece, I hope my comments were helpful. Let me know if you ever need a review. Keep up the good work!

TuckEr EllsworTh