It was cold that night
when she took my hand.
At least, I think it was a she.
Monochrome, rope like hair;
floated as if she were drowning.
She took me to the window
soaked with dust.
My breath fogged the glass
but hers spluttered moths,
wrenched from her dry throat.
She insinuated the tree;
stretching out fragmented fingers.
Her bones bend backwards, unhinging.
Lynched ominously from the branches,
corpses swayed like leaves.
A terrifying tear trickles
down my pale cheek.
Her hollow eyes pierce at me,
broken jaw hanging
like the bodies on branches.
She wraps her arms
around me, several times.
The perishing embrace
causes my skin to shiver
a scream.
Her touch is empty,
falling through a cobweb of clouds.
My clothes choked with soot.
She falls to her knees,
legs without feet.
Black swirls of haze expel
from her aura.
The room eclipses
as the walls blacken.
She drifts closer.
A spiteful smile slides
over her painful face.
She reaches out;
a fractured palm covers
my face.
She howls a petrifying screech.
Her fingers grasp my skull,
driving splintered nails
through my head,
CRUNCH;
This is a suspenseful poem and a little dark but I like it none the less. This piece shows the fear of change and i just have to say I loved it. How you describe the transformation was brilliant and very descriptive which is always great in a poem. I hope to see more work like this great little piece of horror and see you as the author.
Thank you for your comment, its always nice to hear such nice words. I like how to interpreted the poem its interesting to see what people read and take from it. Glad that you liked my piece
Illusion! Let me give you a quick review for your piece!
Okay, so first, I'd like to commend your wonderful use of poetry to narrate a transformation. This is the best thing I found in the piece, actually. You NARRATED the transformation, not only did you describe it. This is something different, so I pretty much appreciate the attempt.
Imagery is okay, but there are some lines that are already cliche. Too dry, I think. Check up on that, girl. Also, there are personifications which doesn't work, and thus breaking the flow of imagery. Speaking of flow, you need to check up on it. For example, stanza four and five are not entirely connected. A good poem is coherent, midear, so you need to put or pull out lines to make the stanzas come together.
Some stuff you need to check:
The comma breaks the follow, and there;s no need for it, so you can take it down.
The word 'expel' is too lifeless. Try something else, like disperse or something.
Sorry for the quick review! But I think it's enough to help you make this poem the best
Your pal,
Al
Thank you for the review and very long reply in which I am only just writing.
Thank you for your kind words I appreciate it.
I would like to know which lines you thought were cliche though, because I try not to use cliche sounding words or phrases.
Thank you for your input i will rethink the lines you have pointed out
Also, you say "Check up on that, girl." What did you mean by this?
Thanks again
TI
This was very eery to read in the darkness. I envisioned the embodiment of Death in my head as the poem smoothly transitioned from stanza to stanza. My favorite lines were "...corpses swayed like leaves" and "...her touch is empty". The poem felt like it could be two things, literal and metaphorical. Literal in the sense that it could be happening as I saw that's what you intended, and metaphorical, which is the way I first saw it. The entire poem felt like someone's struggle to either cope with dieing or the experience of death come to grapple you. You're right, btw, the 'soaked with dust' metaphor is both a better way to portray your image and less cliche. When I read that I did envision a lot of material but I also imagined it in a more fluid way rather than just dust.
For the negative points I have little to say, the stanza that begins with "black swirls of haze expel..." could either portrayed the menacing figure with a little less darkness, as most dark entities have this sort of dark persona around them. It's a little repetitive is all. The ending, in my opinion could have been better. While it ends with a bang, this sort of poem gives me the feeling that it could have had better luck ending with something somber, instead of violent. I was thinking maybe a small quote from the victim, or a line from the figure itself. I just feel like it could have been better.
Overall I liked the entire poem, chills ran up my spine as I read about hanging corpses. The night is dangerous. Lovely poem, hope I provided helpful criticism. ps. I accidentally posted this first as a reply to your comments haha
Thank you for the review and very long reply in which I am only just writing.
.
So I think you understood what I was writing 
Thank you your compliments, and thank you for understanding why I used "soaked,"
And the poem was about a spirit come to take a child's life
And I agree with you, I wasn't to sure where I wanted to go with the ending, and the idea of killing the child made a good way to end it, however I do agree I could have gone a more interesting root; thank you for saying that
Thank you again for the review
TI
(Soaked with dust) this sounds wrong maybe this would do better although I am not very good with poetry rimes well here (Covered with dust) It may not have been good but still.
...
I am knot sure weather her skin is screaming or her screaming seeing as it is a creepy little poem I have know idea.
I am knot sure what you mean by (her painful face) it sounds a little wrong dont you think.
Well it is not the most nicest poems I have ever read and I am sure that your purpose was to make a nice little poem but it is nice and creepy too.
Very nice grammar and spelling.
Keep writing and good luck.
I think you misunderstood a lot of the metaphors that I used. Saying something like 'covered with dust' is completely cliche, everyone has heard it and it isn't original. By saying soaked with dust the reader is meant to imagine the sheer amount of dust there is.
When I say 'The perishing embrace causes my skin to shiver a scream' I'm describing how cold and horrifying she is, again another metaphor saying that my skin screams because I'm that scared.
When I said painful face, what I simply meant by this was that looking at her wasn't easy, she wasn't pretty, so it was painful to look at.
Again, I really think you missed the point of the poem, it isn't meant to be 'nice' because its about a spirit who is Terrorising a little child before killing her.
Thanks for the review either way.
I really liked your poem!
Going back to the "soaked with dust" metaphor, though, "soak" usually applies to water, so when you use that word in that way, it makes it sound like it's soaked with water and dust, which can be a bit misleading to the reader. Try looking "covered" up in a thesaurus, you might find a word that fits.
Otherwise, it was a great poem.
Thanks for the comment
and yeah I do understand what you were saying, that soaked it usually used for things that are wet, but I really wanted the reader to envision a window sill soaked with dust, or rather a lot of dust. When I say it in my head, it makes sense :') Plus, it is a metaphor so after I can describe the dust as something it isn't.
Thanks again
This was very eery to read in the darkness. I envisioned the embodiment of Death in my head as the poem smoothly transitioned from stanza to stanza. My favorite lines were "...corpses swayed like leaves" and "...her touch is empty". The poem felt like it could be two things, literal and metaphorical. Literal in the sense that it could be happening as I saw that's what you intended, and metaphorical, which is the way I first saw it. The entire poem felt like someone's struggle to either cope with dieing or the experience of death come to grapple you. You're right, btw, the 'soaked with dust' metaphor is both a better way to portray your image and less cliche. When I read that I did envision a lot of material but I also imagined it in a more fluid way rather than just dust.
For the negative points I have little to say, the stanza that begins with "black swirls of haze expel..." could either portrayed the menacing figure with a little less darkness, as most dark entities have this sort of dark persona around them. It's a little repetitive is all. The ending, in my opinion could have been better. While it ends with a bang, this sort of poem gives me the feeling that it could have had better luck ending with something somber, instead of violent. I was thinking maybe a small quote from the victim, or a line from the figure itself. I just feel like it could have been better.
Overall I liked the entire poem, chills ran up my spine as I read about hanging corpses. The night is dangerous. Lovely poem, hope I provided helpful criticism.